"I will talk to you of Art, for there is nothing else to talk about, for there is nothing else... Life is an obscure hobo bumming a ride on the omnibus of Art. Burn gas, buggies, and whip your sour cream of circumstance and hope, and go ahead and sleep your bloody heads off. Creation is, all else is not. What is not creation is graham crackers; let it all crumble to feed the creator; feed him that he may be satisifed. The Artist is, all others are not. A canvas is a canvas or a painting. A rock is a rock or a statue. A sound is a sound or is music. A preacher is a preacher, or an Artist. Where are John, Joe, Jake, Jim, Jerk? dead, dead, dead They were not born before they were born, they were not born... Where are Leonardo, Rembrandt, Ludwig? Alive! Alive! Alive! They were born! Bring on the multitudes with a multitude of fishes: feed them with the fishes for liver oil to nourish the Artist, stretch their skin upon an easel to give him canvas, crush their bones into a paste that he might mold them. Let them die, and by their miserable deaths become the clay within his hands that he might form an ashtray or an ark. Pray that you may be his diadem: gold, glory, paint, clay, that he might take you in his magic hands and wring from your marrow wonder. For all that is comes through the eye of the Artist. The rest are blind fish swimming in the cave of aloneness. Swim on you maudlin, muddling, maddened fools, and dream that one bright, sunny night the Artist will bait a hook and let you bite upon it. Bite hard and die!... in his stomach you are very close to immortality."

"I refuse to say anything twice. Repetition is death... When you repeat something, you are reliving a moment, wasting it, severing it from the other end of your life. I believe only in new impressions, new stimuli, new life!"

"Brooke Shields as Mimi Wolverton"

"Brittany Murphy as Rhonda"

"Alanna Ubach as Mesquita"

"Amanda Plummer as Ramona Lutz"

"You are a dear, Flo. Bring me chicken soup... and a fucking straw."

"Reese Witherspoon as Vanessa Lutz"

"Kiefer Sutherland as Bob Wolverton"

"What are you looking at? Fuck all y'all! Fuck you, chipmunk-face, and your fucking skipper wife!"

"Put your fucking pants down, you fucking cunt!"

"Fucking bitch! I'll fucking kill you for this!"

"I'm pissed off and the whole world owes me."

"People like me, we don't go to the gas chamber."

"Do you want to get shot a whole bunch of times!?!"

"Fuck you, you piece of shit."

"Holy shit! Look who got beat with the ugly stick! Is that you, Bob? I can't believe such a teeny weeny little gun could make a big mess out of someone!"

"You're just a big, old, shitbag, ain't you, Bob? You just think of me every time you empty that motherfucking thing, MOTHERFUCKER!!!"

"My dick may not function, but I haven't lost my smile."

"Feel the love this Valentine's Day"

"Justice has a new face"

"Size matters"

"A new class of superhero."

"Sit on this"

"Wait 'til you get a load of me"

"Mr. Wilson. Nothing warms my heart more than a change of someone else's. You finally hit "fuck it"."

"With great power comes great irresponsibility."

"Witness the beginning of a happy ending"

"[To Blind Al, after Deadpool leaves, saying he hid a stash of cocaine] Wanna get fucked up?"

"Bad ass. Smart ass. Great ass."

"Wade, we have a fucking problem, and by "we", I mean "you"."

"[When Deadpool leaves for the climatic fight] I'd go with you...but I don't want to."

"You don't wanna kill me. I'm the only one who can fix your ugly mug!"

"Fucking Wade Wilson. Suppose I'd wear a mask, too, if I had a face like that. I only wish I'd heal the same."

"Oh, and that guy over there came in looking for you. Real "Grim Reaper" type. I dunno, might further the plot."

"Why don't you do us all a favor and shut the fuck up, or I'll sew your pretty mouth shut?"

"This is how it's going to work. Adrenaline acts as a catalyst for the serum, so we're going to have to make you suffer. If you're lucky, your mutant genes will activate and manifest in spectacular fashion. If not, well, we'll have to keep hurting you. In new and different ways, each more painful than the last. Until you finally mutate. Or die."

"You know the funniest part of all this? You still think we're making you a superhero. You, a dishonorable discharge, hip-deep in hookers? You're nothing. Little secret, Wade: this workshop doesn't make superheroes, we make super slaves. We're gonna fit you with a control collar and auction you off to the highest bidder. Who knows what they'll have you do? Terrorizing citizens, putting down freedom fighters... maybe just mow the occasional lawn."

"Deadpool. That sounds like a fucking franchise."

"[repeated line] What's my name?"

"[From trailer] I've played a lot of roles. "Damsel-in-distress" ain't one of them!"

"[after Wade's diagnosis] I just realized something: You win. Your life is officially way more fucked up than mine."

"[seeing Deadpool's scarred face for the first time] After a brief adjustment period and a bunch of drinks, it's a face…I'd be happy to sit on."

"[in a post-credits scene, Wade walks by an empty hallway before noticing the camera] You're still here? It's over. Go home. Oh, you're expecting a teaser for Deadpool 2. Well, we don't have that kind of money. What were you expecting? Sam Jackson to show up with an eyepatch and a saucy little leather number? Go. Go. [He walks away. Credits resume. Cut back to Deadpool] Oh. But I can tell you one thing, and it's a bit of a secret: For the sequel, we're gonna have Cable. Amazing character. Bionic arm, time travel. We have no idea who we're gonna cast yet, but it could be anybody. Just need a big guy with a flat top. Could be Mel Gibson, Dolph Lundgren... Keira Knightley- she's got range, who knows? Anyway, big secret. Shh. Oh, and don't leave your garbage all lying around. It's a total dick move. Go. [walks away, pops his head back in] Chicka chi-kaah! [End of film]"

"[To Ajax and Angel Dust, when they leave his bar] You don't want any clothes that are not monochromatic? Enjoy your midnight showing of Blade II."

"I was a patient here once myself, you know. The treatment affects everyone differently. It made Angel inhumanly strong. In my case, it enhanced my reflexes. Also scorched my nerve endings, so I no longer feel pain. In fact, I no longer feel anything."