"Oh, bugger me, you've sodded the whole thing up like the stupid little twerp that you are. I was recreating what happened to me twenty years ago, man and boy."

"If there's one thing I've learned, it's learning things never taught me nuthin'. And books is the worst."

"[recreating the path to where the treasure is buried] Stagger, stagger, crawl, crawl, jump..."

"I'll kill anyone who get's in the way of me killing anyone."

"The pirate Yellowbeard captured many other galleons, killing over five-hundred men in cold blood. He would tear the captains hearts out and swallow them whole. Often forcing his victims to eat their own lips, he was caught and imprisoned... for tax evasion."

"Dying's the easy way out. You won't catch me dying. They'll have to kill me before I die!"

"She couldn't be your mother. No woman ever slept with me and lived."

"Swashbucklers, pirates, public floggings, saucy tarts, beggars, queens, & jolly rogers."

"A Shipload of Laughs."

"...a rollicking yarn for the young in the head!"

"Rasmus Hardiker - Courtney"

"Natalie Portman - Isabel"

"Toby Jones - Julie"

"James Franco - Fabious"

"Get your quest on."

"Best. Quest. Ever."

"Justin Theroux - Leezar"

"Danny McBrde - Thadeous"

"I have heard that your Prince Fabious has made his bed recklessly with many maidens. And I heard that he has fungi on his genitalia as a result. Also, he organises orgies with wenches and barbarians alike and he takes sperm on him and gives it to women freely, spilling his seed will nilly as he makes his way through the orgy."

"Will you shut up! I will love you less!"

"Zooey Deschanel - Belladonna"

"This spring, prepare for their excellency."

"Charles Dance - King Tallious"

"Damian Lewis - Boremont"

"Noah Huntley - Head Knight"

"Eva Wyrwal - Dwarf Queen"