"[taunting Cody] Where are your friends now, huh, Cody?! Good student like you should take note: You trusted me. What a mistake! Your friends are NOWHERE when you're about to die!"

"JoBeth Williams - Karen Bowens"

"Glenn Close - Sarah Cooper"

"Jeff Goldblum - Michael Gold"

"William Hurt - Nick Carlton"

"Kevin Kline - Harold Cooper"

"You see, Sarah, Harold, we took a secret vote. We're not leaving. We're never leaving."

"There's some asshole at work you have to kowtow to, and you find yourself doing things you thought you'd never do. But you try and minimize that stuff; be the best person you can be. But you set your priorities. And that's the way life is. I wonder if your friend Alex knew that. One thing's for sure, he couldn't live with it. I know I shouldn't talk; you guys knew him. But the thing is... no one ever said it would be fun. At least... no one ever said it to me."

"Are not the satisfactions of being a good man among our common men great enough to sustain us anymore? Where did Alex's hope go?"

"[about the wake] Amazing tradition. They throw a great party for you on the one day they know you can't come."

"In a cold world, you need your friends to keep you warm."

"Wise up, folks. We're all alone out there and tomorrow we're going out there again."

"[about men] They're either married or gay. And if they're not gay, they've just broken up with the most wonderful woman in the world, or they've just broken up with a bitch who looks exactly like me. They're in transition from a monogamous relationship and they need more space. Or they're tired of space, but they just can't commit. Or they want to commit, but they're afraid to get close. They want to get close, you don't want to get near them."

"The story of eight old friends searching for something they lost, and finding that all they needed was each other."

"How much love, sex, fun and friendship can a person take?"

"Spend some time with a few good friends."

"Tom Berenger - Sam Weber"

"Johnny Conny Tony Thomas - The Gay Ambassador"

"Sammy Saloman - Capt. B. Dick"

"Gerald F. Hail - D. Ildo"

"Eden Richardson- Sgt. Shaved Balls"

"Coco P. Dalbert - ArmInAss"

"[seeing a man and a woman kissing] Holy Phallus! What are they DOING down there?"

"Kneel down, and get ready to receive the holy gay nigger cum rug seed! May it grant you supernatural powers and eternal life!"

"Konrad Fields - Mr. Schwul"

"Lisa Wilhoit - Holly"

"Ashleigh Sterling - Corky"

"Theodore Borders - Trey"

"Erica Luttrell - Jody"

"Jake Richardson - Mitch Szalinski"

"Jojo Adams - Ricky King"

"Bryson Aust - Vince"

"Mila Kunis - Jill"

"Eve Gordon - Diane Szalinski"

"Robin Bartlett - Patty Szalinski"

"Bug Hall - Adam Szalinski"

"Stuart Pankin - Gordon Szalinski"

"Allison Mack - Jenny Szalinski"

"Rick Moranis - Wayne Szalinksi"

"Hannah Waterman - Trina"

"The world's wackiest scientist has done it again!"

"Rachel Dratch - Kim"