"[From extended footage, on phone] How much does Rake hate mustard? [To cameraman] This is Rake's mom and she says I wouldn't be able to have children in my future."

"This is Sweaty Fat Fucks. [Tony Hawk and Mat Hoffman hit Bam in the testicles]"

"[Referring to father Phil's obesity] Look at Phil's tummy."

"[About the upset customer in the store] He was so bummed! He went there to buy QTips and he just got bummed because there was a fight going on!"

"[After getting a surprise haircut] Eh! What the fuck!"

"[Referring to proceed with a boxing match with Naoko Kumagai, a female Japanese kickboxer] I'm about to get the shit kicked out of me by a girl."

"Everybody, shake what your mama gave ya! Whoo!"

"Christopher Warren Jr. — Xander"

"Kevin G. Schmidt — Ryan Edwards"

"Kathryn Joosten — Aunt "Popcorn" Jackie Seville"

"Anjelah Johnson — Julie Ortega"

"Wendie Malick — Dr. Rubin"

"Christina Applegate — voice of Brittany"

"Anna Faris — voice of Jeanette"

"Amy Poehler — voice of Eleanor"

"Jesse McCartney — voice of Theodore"

"Matthew Gray Gubler — voice of Simon"

"Justin Long — voice of Alvin"

"Jason Lee — Dave Seville"

"David Cross — Ian Hawke"

"Zachary Levi — Toby Seville"

"We either sing together, or not at all!"

"I do not want to destroy them."

"You know, Alvin? Ian was right. You do not care about anyone but yourself. [begins to leave but turns around] Oh, and by the way, I never wanted to win this way."

"We are so going to destroy those Chipmunks!"

"Nada. Simon?"

"Simon, does this make my butt look smaller?"

"[after the Eagle mascot falls down the stairs] That was not very fun-ish."

"We can play Monopoly. We play Monopoly with Dave all the time."

"Guys, it's a wedge-tail eagle! Their only mortal enemy is the pygmy elephant. Luckily, I speak a little pachyderm."

"[not pleased to see Ian] I thought I smelled a rat."

"[while playing dodgeball] Glasses! Glasses! You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, would you?! [gets hit by a dodgeball] Right in the pancreas."

"Oh, you have got to be joking. A taco? In a blanket? Toby!"

"I thought Alvin was messy. This is literally disgusting. I feel like I'm living in a dumpster!"

"[to an eagle as it is about to harm Theodore] Look, um...I get why you want Theodore. I do. But I'm sorry, I cannot let that happen. He's my brother. Not that he'd know that, because I've been such a big jerk lately. [Theodore smiles at Alvin, forgiving him] If anyone deserves to be eaten, it's me. [The eagle closes in on Alvin] Whoa! Not literally!"

"[to Simon after finding him in the dumpster] Okay. I am a total jerk. I admit it. So, are we cool, now? [holds out his hand for Simon to shake but Simon violently pulls him in the dumpster and starts wrestling him]"

"[pointing to Ian Hawke; threateningly] Oh, it is on like Donkey Kong!"

"[as he and his brothers are shocked at seeing the Chipettes with Ian] They're with Ian?!"

"Holla! The cheese balls are in the hizzouse!"

"Vernel Bagneris - Preston"

"And when you see the J-Man, you tell him, "Bosco says we're even." And up your ass with Mobil Gas."