"Captain's log, 94237.4. I just received a priority communication from Starfleet Command that an alliance between the Klingons and the Romulans will occur right here on Earth. Our mission: to infiltrate the Klingon crew and to kidnap the Romulan leader. Computer, scan file on Klingon crew. Computer, identify Klingon leader. Just as I thought. Computer, identify Romulan leader. Mr. Spock, your analysis? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I agree. We have to stop him. Lieutenant Uhura, accompany me to the transporter. Mr. Spock, you have the bridge."

"Travis. Yes, Admiral Kirk, I understand. Travis out. New orders from Starfleet. The Klingon leader is to be terminated. Phasers on kill, Lieutenant. Phasers on kill."

"That's it! That does it! You leave me no choice! As student body president, I am placing you all under citizens' arrest! You are all confined to your rooms until I get Principal Moss!"

"Lay one hand on me and I'll sue! PRINCIPAL MOSS!!"

"Spock. Shuttlecraft has encountered strange alien matter. Have Chekov scan computer bank. Wong, proceed."

"Look, even though I'm probably going to get into Yale, doesn't mean that I don't suffer from the effects of teen angst. But I'm here to tell you that drugs and alcohol are not the answers to your problems!"

"As student body president, I am proud to bring you this special assembly. So, without any further ado, I give to you, direct from Salt Lake City, the music of High On Life!!"

"Now wait just a minute. Have any of you considered the consequences if Principal Moss finds out?"

"It's now officially 8:01, people; let's move it! Come on, come on, while we're young! Herbert Jones, get off my car! Quickly, quickly, quickly. Come on, look lively, people, come on. Keep climbing; you won't get a nosebleed. Button that up, Carla. Herbert. Early bird. Worm. Think about it. Pull, Wanda. Pull."

"If you'll all check your itineraries, you'll see that this is the only stop we're making between now and Washington. So I suggest you take care of whatever necessities come to mind. Now, I'm setting the alarm on my watch for ten minutes. When this alarm goes off, the bus will leave with or without you."

"Well, now that you've enlightened me as to the real problem here, perhaps you should tell the President about your concerns. In fact, I think you should all pool your ideas together. I want you to draft a 500-word letter to the President on what you'd like the Government to do in order to save our education system. Now, Mr. Diplo will be in charge today. Mr. Diplo, I've given these students an assignment. Make sure they finish it by 1:00. If they're not finished, they can stay later."

"Dog/Wolf voices"

"Lysette Anthony - Samantha"

"George Segal - Albert"

"Olympia Dukakis - Rosie"

"Tabitha Lupien - Julie Ubriacco"

"John Travolta - James Ubriacco"

"Kirstie Alley - Mollie Ubriacco"

"David Gallagher - Michael "Mikey" Ubriacco"

"Charles Barkley - himself"

"When he gets nervous, he gets completely honest. That is a major business liability."

"Roseanne Barr as Julie Ubriacco"

"Bruce Willis as Mikey Ubriacco"

"Damon Wayans as Eddie"

"Mel Brooks as Mr. Toilet Man"

"Gilbert Gottfried as Joey"

"Danny DeVito - Rocks"

"Twink Caplan as Rona"

"Look, they're gonna know my wife put me in this suit. It's the color of poo."

"Olympia Dukakis as Rosie Jensen"

"Kirstie Alley as Mollie Ubriacco"

"Diane Keaton - Daphne"

"Elias Koteas as Stuart Jensen"

"John Travolta as James Ubriacco"

"History is all in the mind of the teller. Truth is all in the telling."

"[about The King] Bobby: He's coming back, Mike. It's not mom's fault, but he's coming back."

"Powered by imagination."

"We called him 'The king', because... that's what he liked to be called."

"There are seven lost secret fascinations and abilities. They are that: animals can talk; your favorite blanket is woven from a fabric so mighty, that once pulled over your head, it becomes an impenetrable force field, nothing is too heavy to lift with the aid of a cape; your hand, held forefinger out and thumb up, actually fires bullets; jumping from any height with an umbrella is completely safe; monsters exist and can be both seen an done battle with; and the greatest, most special and regrettable loss of all: the ability to fly."

"[When the bullies showed up] We knew we were dead instantly, the way you always know you're in for it when bigger kids show up. It's a sixth sense you never lose."

"Somewhere inside every person...someplace inside every heart...is a power that turns fear into courage...and makes dreams take flight. ...Powered by imagination."

"[on getting the idea to sell golf balls] It was money, I didn't know how it would help but I knew we were better off if we had some than if we didn't."

"Elijah Wood - Mike"