"[looking at FedEx truck coming into his street] See that FedEx truck? Every day, it delivers important papers to people all around the world. And one day, it is going to stop here, and a man is going to walk up and casually toss a couple of FedExes on my desk. And at that moment, we- and by we, I mean me - will be important."

"[lamenting to his agent about being passed over for choice roles and the agent could hardly get a word edgewise] White boys get all the Oscars. It's a fact. Did I ever get a nomination? No and you know why? 'Cause I ain't played none of them slave roles, or get my ass whipped. That's when you get the nominations. Black dude play a slave role, gets his ass whipped, gets the nomination, white boy play an idiot, they get the Oscar. Find me a script as a retarded slave, then I'll get the Oscar."

"Jennifer Esposito - Nancy"

"The Con is On."

"Mekhi Phifer - Tyrell"

"Freddie Prinze, Jr. - Ray Bronson"

"Steve Martin as Robert "Bobby" Bowfinger"

"Muse Watson - Ben Willis"

"Some people never forget."

"It's happening again."

"The man with the hook is back, and this time, he’s brought help, his son!"

"Jennifer Love Hewitt - Julie James"

"Brandy Norwood - Karla Wilson"

"Eddie Murphy as Kit Ramsey / Jefferson "Jiff" Ramsey"

"Get Hooked Again."

"[last words before Ben accidently kills him] You want him, dad?"

"Some secrets will haunt you forever."

"[last words before Julie shot him to death to the empty grave made for her] Stand him up!"

"Someone is dying for a second chance."

"Hush, child. No more screaming, no more running. It's time to die!"

"What are you gonna do, boy? Call us names?"

"I Still Know."

"Think about it, boy. You're no killer, that's my job. You don't have it in you."

"Every guy in history who tried to pick up a girl did the good-friend thing first."

"This island didn't have a murder rate until you people showed up!"

"[after shooting Ben Willis] Just... [shoots him again] fucking... [shoots him again] DIE!"

""Try" is like "maybe", Julie. "Try" is bullshit."

"[Ben Willis has arrived at the island where Julie and her friends are vacationing] 2 summers ago, we lied to the authorities. We hit Ben Willis with our car, and then we threw his body in the water to cover it up. Only, he didn't die. He killed Barry and Helen last July 4th, and I swear to God, I thought Ray and I killed him, but we didn't."

"[reaching his breaking point] Don't get her started all right. It's a long fucked up story and you probably won't believe a word of it anyway. All I know is that this is the worst vacation of my whole life. I'm tired, I'm hungry, I'm fucking horny and, personally, I ain't seen one goddamn psycho killer. [Willis comes behind Tyrell, and stabs him in the neck, and kills him]"

"The sequel that will hook you...again."

"[Karla has just shown her a sun bed] Great, cancer in a box."

"Bless me father, for I have sinned. It's been a year since my last confession. I've never told anyone about this. Not my mom, not the police, or not even my friends, except for the ones who were there, well, they're not around anymore. You see I, I killed a man, but it was an accident."

"...the story continues."

"Rocky Carroll - Tom"

"Fern Persons - Elderly Woman"

"Debra Monk - Aunt Dorothy"

"Annie Golden - Tin Market Musician"

"Ned Beatty - Dr. Boyle"

"Patty Duke - Mrs. Boyle"

"Mary Spaeth - Palm Reader"

"Stanley Tucci - Taylor"

"Alec Baldwin - Peter Hoskins"

"Meg Ryan - Rita Boyle"

"Sydney Walker - Julius Blier"

"Kathy Bates - Leah Blier"

"James Stephens as Harold Carvey, DVM"

"Richard Farnsworth as Slim"

"Jennifer Tilly as Fran Carvey"

"Philip Seymour Hoffman as Frank Hansen"

"Michael Madsen as Rudy Travis"