"[on the phone] Erin, no, I did not sleep with him. Alright, okay, I did actually, once....... twice...... What difference does it make? He was a loser and he was lousy........ You did? Really? I didn't hear..... Two kids! Wow, you guys must have really cute kids..... Uhhh.. yeah tell him I said "Hi" and actually I'm hopping into a cab so I'm gonna give you a call a little later..."

"[on the phone] Oh,sweetie, you are my second cousin's best friend, of course you're at the very top of my maid of honor list, honestly..... [looks at list] Carla..... Caitlyn?"

"It was quite a wedding and as I stood there watching I realized something I'd forgotten a long time ago. Sometimes in life there really are bonds formed that can never be broken. Sometimes you really can find that one person who will stand by you no matter what. Maybe you'll find it in a spouse and celebrate it with your dream wedding. But there's also the chance that the one person you can count on for a lifetime, the one person who knows you sometimes better than you know yourself is the same person who's been standing beside you all along."

"They haven't spoken in a week. That's like a century in girl years."

"Francine: Honey, you show me a beautiful girl and I'll show you a man who's tired of fucking her."

"Olegar Fedoro – A.K.'s Father"

"Professor Flynn: The road to success is paved with humiliation. The sooner you accept that, the easier the journey will get."

"Eugene Hütz – A.K."

"You know, in my country we have a saying: "A man without a mustache, is like a woman with a mustache""

"Envelopes, envelopes... everybody's getting envelopes...where the fuck is my envelope?"

"Holly Weston – Holly"

"In my country we have a saying: "If the demon is powerless send him a woman.""

"You know, in my country there is a saying: "He, who licks the knives, soon will cut his tongue""

"I don't mean to be rude, but if you love word so much, how could you stop writing?"

"Humanity seems to be divided into two categories. People trying to be good and people trying to be bad, but personally I don't see so much difference.If you spend your whole life as a saint, eventually you will crave the opposite and the filth will appear as an oasis in the desert but if you spend your life in the gutter, sooner or later you will be searching for wisdom. Like a pig sniffing for truffles."

"The last time a man put his hand on me did not end very nicely."

"Only when you eat a lemon do you appreciate what sugar is. Life is a paradox. But is it really? Is the contradictions in and around us really a form of dissonance, or just another word for "accord" in a language we are yet to discover? A language we are yet to learn. A language we have been deprived of. We live in a mistaken world, and it doesn't have to be so. You can be an academic and come to this realization by reading books, or you can discover this new rebel intelligence by waking up in your own vomit. Either way, you cannot lose. Without filth, there can be no wisdom. Without darkness, no light."

"Nobody gives a fuck about ballet."

"Vicky McClure – Juliette"

"There is duality in everything.But perhaps I should ask myself this question: Am I consciously or unconsciously, actively or passively, collaborating at this very moment with some behavior that is destined to wreak havoc on another human being?"

"Lindsay Maxwell – McTitty"

"Crystal Lowe – Cam's Wedding friend"

"Jodelle Micah Ferland – Lila Carpenter"

"Steve Bacic – Howard Blaine"

"Annie Wood – Lara"

"Jodie Stewart – Eleanor Skepple"

"You know, in my country there is a saying: "If you want to reach the sky - fuck a duck and try to fly.""

"Michelle Harrison – Anisha Carpenter"

"Dan Fogler – Dr. Stuart Klaminsky"

"Chelan Simmons – Carol"

"Jessica Alba – Cam Wexler"

"Lonny Ross – Joe Wexler"

"Ellia English – Reba"

"When I die, I'm going to go straight to Heaven. And you are going to ask me why. Did I pray enough? No. Did I share enough? Not really. Was I humble enough? Definitely not. So what makes you so sure you're going straight to Heaven, you ask. And I will tell you: because I told the truth."

"Cam Wexler: One more word and I'll hide your stash."

"Richard E. Grant – Professor Flynn"

"My entire life, I've been nothing more than a stepping-stone to every relationship I've ever been in. There's always been a next guy who's better than me. For once in my life, I want to be that next guy. I've never said this to anybody before in my whole life. Cam... I love you. I love you, Cam."

"Don't look at me in that tone of voice."

"See you in six months for a routine stabbing."

"If you were a hamburger at McDonald's, I'd name you my McBeautiful Titty Sandwich with titties on top."

"Elliot Levey – Businessman"

"Clare Wilkie – Chloe"

"Hannah Walters – Businessman's wife"

"Dane Cook – Dr. Charlie Logan"

"Stephen Graham – Harry Beechman"

"Eleanor Skipple: [when Charlie proposes to have sex with her] I'm going to fuck you till you die!"

"Inder Manocha – Sardeep"

"Shobu Kapoor – Sardeep's wife"

"I jerk off to her mammograms."