"[to Edward] The hardest thing is loving someone and then having the courage to let them love you back. But if you know her shit and she knows yours, and at the end of the day if you still would rather give up than try, nothings ever going to be worth it. Maybe think about it this way... you go back, you get to spend the rest of your life having really great makeup sex."

"I'd rather fight with you than make love with anyone else."

"[to Kat and Amy] The only thing that you two have in common is that you're both secretly attracted to me."

"Anthony St. John - Anthony Gage"

"David Quinlan - Emcee"

"Troy Hatt - Swanee Boy"

"Jean-Luc Bilodeau - Star Spangled Boy"

"Kevin McNulty - Uncle Sam"

"Venus Terzo - Marion"

"Jesse Moss - Nils"

"Rukiya Bernard - Receptionist"

"Greg Germann - Mr. Virgil Romano"

"Joel Ballard - Caspian"

"Avan Jogia - Tajid"

"Harris Allan - Eric"

"Shannon Chan-Kent - Janet"

"Simon Curtis - Royce Du Lac"

"Mattew Bennett - Rick Dickinson"

"Christopher Jacot - Stavros"

"Andrea Lewis - Robin"

"Nolan Gerard Funk - Nigel "Nikko" Alexander"

"Tammin Sursok - Courtney"

"Victoria Justice as Tammi"

"Britt Irvin - Amy"

"Stephen Tobolowsky as Bud"

"Mageina Tovah as Barista"

"Patton Oswalt as Techie Guy"

"Terry Bradshaw as Al"

"Kathy Bates as Sue"

"Bradley Cooper as Demo"

"Adam Alexi-Malle as Mr. Axelrod"

"Sarah Jessica Parker as Paula"

"Zooey Deschanel as Katherine "Kit""

"Tyrel Jackson Williams as Jeffrey"

"Justin Bartha as Philip "Ace""

"You're all getting what you wanted. Paula, you don't have to pretend to like me any more. And, Mom, Dad, you wanted me out of the house. I'm out."

"[to Kit] Oh, Tripp is just cruising through the steps. In fact, I think tomorrow I'm gonna let him teach me something."

"And the thing is, Mom, Dad, I've lived upstairs since I was three, and it's been great."

"Who's laughing now?"

"Shut up, dude! Don't help him!"

"Matthew McConaughey as Tripp"

"Katheryn Winnick as Melissa"

"'Cause it's going to take a stick of dynamite to get me out of my parents' house."

"Rob Corddry as Gun Salesman"

"Hilmir Snær Guðnason - Hlynur"

"Hanna María Karlsdóttir - Berglind"

"Victoria Abril - Lola"

"Þrúður Vilhjálmsdóttir - Hófí"

"The worst thing about AIDS as a method of suicide is that it takes so long to die from it."

"There they are... my mother the lesbian, and my father the boozer. What am I then? The offspring of a lesbian and a boozer? It's like two birds of different species. The lesbian bird and the boozer bird. The boozer is a wetland bird. He's rather heavy... and needs a good run-up to get off the ground. He can fly for a long time and has good stamina. Several weeks may pass by before he gets back on the ground. In between he lies low and goes on the defensive. Especially for the first days after landing. The lesbian. Unlike the boozer... the lesbian is a relative newcomer to Icelandic nature. She is thought to have migrated from Denmark and Britain. Her only contact with the male bird is during conception. In recent years we have witnessed cases of male birds... who are unable to fly at all. The offspring of a boozer and a lesbian is the Hlynur... an unusually slow developer that can't fly... and remains with his mother for the first 30 years. The Hlynur is defensive by nature, but harmless."