"People who live in a glass house have to answer the door - Karl invents his own phrase based on Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."

"I'd kick it, and I'd say 'You knob-head'. - Karl tells Ricky his response to being poisoned by an octopus."

"(on cockroaches living without a head for a week) Why, when it was invented, has it got that facility?"

"Whoop, there's an elephant in the room"

"If an animal is named after what it eats, how interesting is it?"

"So I was watchin David Attenborough.. he makes his money out of flies and that dun' he"

"If you live in a glass house, don't be chucking stuff about. - Karl interprets the phrase Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."

"At some point, somethin has had it away with a leaf [Karl's explanation of an insect which has evolved to look like a leaf to protect itself from predators]"

"On dopplegangers - How would I know which one I was?"

"On octopuses - When you see 'em in films, they're running about an' that and everyone likes an octopus."

"Just sort of wander about and that, and just not get seen [What he would do with the power of invisibility]"

"At no point am I going to lick a little frogs head."

"And whilst the lizard’s having a kip, the scorpion says, ‘Tell ya what: I’ll do you a little deal…’"

"On dopplegangers - No because only it would only get me into trouble won't it? Because people won't believe there's another one like me. Otherwise everyone would be saying that when they get caught robbing, they go Oh it wasn't me it was me doppleganger."

"[Ricky asks what else he would do with the power of invisibility]Dunno, you could sort of go in shops when they're shut, just get in before they lock up."

"At what point is a wasp ever going to have a chat with a spider?"

"Don't be chucking that out. You might need that later - Karl interprets the phrase Waste not, want not."

"The reason there are so many gyms in London is because the amount of gay people who are here now."

"All I'm sayin is.. I've since found out what they do do with 'em.. and if they do do that with them.. give 'em a go on that."

"A dog has got human eyes."

"You don't have to do it straight away, but just do it before it gets really bad - Karl re-evaluates the phrase A stitch in time saves nine."

"I was at some night once, right. It was some night out and er, some people come running on stage. And some music started coming on. These four people came running out, it was two women, two blokes. It wasn't gay an' that. It was just a normal night -well, y'know, some party night out. These people come running on. You've got two women, you've got two blokes. They whip their knickers off. The fellas whip their undies off. All at the same time, like er, whatsit? Cheryl Baker was in it... Bucks Fizz. So that happened and all I'm saying is, right; before I had a look at the woman's bits, I just had a cheeky glance at the fellas' bits, just checkin' it out, checking everything's normal down there. Believe me, I had a look at the ladies' bits but I didn't know how long that pants were going to left off for."

"They've found this spider, in the jungle. Three foot long, it eats chicken. Bit weird, innit. People moan saying that you shouldn't lock animals up and all the rest of it, but to be honest I wish it was locked up. The idea that it's roaming in a jungle... get it locked up."

"I was walking home the other night, and I was thinking about it, and do you worry that when you're old you will be on your own?"

"Apparently you're not allowed to lick a toad's back."

"Were you a tall baby?"

"Does the brain control you or are you controlling the brain? I don't know if I'm in charge of mine."

"Well, you took me to the BAFTAs. Yeah, but only cos no-one else would probably wanna go with you."

"In the sea you've got to be constantly sort of alert. It's worse in the sea [than anywhere else in the animal kingdom]. In the sea you've got an enemy behind every rock."

"Ricky: You are the strangest man alive."

"Do you know like, when you're a bloke nudist, Do you ever get any who just have like a small knob?"

"The Web is the new book though, innit?"

"I think it's clever how Rome have kept a load of old stuff. There's no overheads, yet people are going over there to see it."

"It's not going to change the world. But neither did the egg-cup."

"Neil Armstrong, that spaceman, he went to the moon but he ain't been back. It can't have been that good."

"Whats good with a holiday right.. say if you work in a factory from 8 in the morning till 8 at night, packin socks into a rubber bag right.. between 8 and.. what time did i say he finishes?"

"Karl: You've never been to China."

"Talking about being in heaven- It's not fair though because all them lot have been up there ages with like a chance to get a bit of sun on the body and that so they'll look alright. I'll be wandering about with underpant marks and stuff."

"I'm really happy, I just don't choose to show it."

"If you had 5 photos of anuses, I could not point mine out"

"Fella comes walking toward me. Only got no pants on. So I said, ‘Suzanne, what's going on?’"

"Who's the mental one here? Is it me, or everyone else?"

"...but it’s all about ‘a gorilla and a fox are walking thru the woods.’ How often does that happen?"

"It's like a pylon. 144px|thumb|right|It's like a pylon."