The Apprentice (British TV series)

"Nick Hewer: (to Jim, who is Irish) I don't know whether you kissed the Blarney Stone or swallowed it whole, but you were a tour de force."

"Karren Brady: (to Lord Sugar) I think if you went into business with Melody, your board meetings would be a very, very long affair."

"Tom Pellereau: Melody runs a business which, unsurprisingly, is all to do with talking."

"Jim Eastwood: I have twenty three umbrellas, and ironically twenty three minutes left!"

"Lord Sugar: It is with regret... (Tom shakes his head, believing he is going to be fired) Melody, that You're Fired. Melody Hossaini: (on the brink of tears) Thank you Lord Sugar! Nick, Karren! (As Melody leaves, Tom holds his head in his hand in relief)"

"Lord Sugar: (after Venture 'win' the task) I had a treat lined up for you by helicopter down to Goodwood and then ride around in some vintage cars (Slight smile from Susan while Natasha and Jim see what's coming...) but you can forget that. You've won okay? But there's no balls, no guts, no reinvestment. Just get back to the house and I'll see you on the next task."

"Tom Pellereau: (on MyPy) It’s either utter madness or complete genius."

"Tom Pellereau: Didn't Christopher Columbus discover the potato?"

"Nick Hewer: Columbus, he's British? Tom Pellereau: You're kidding."

"Jim Eastwood: The girls didn’t play ball – throwing toys out of the pram. I was like Mother Teresa, as opposed to project manager."

"Karren Brady: You need a sieve with Susan, because you have to work out what stuff is meaningful and what is meaningless."

"Helen Milligan: (when asked to tell a joke by Mike Soutar) A fish is swimming along and he swims straight into something and he goes “Oh, dam.”"

"Margaret Mountford: (to Jim) I must say, I’ve never seen a longer application form. “I’m not a show pony, or a one-trick pony, or a wild stallion that needs to be tamed, or even a stubborn mule. I believe I can become the champion thoroughbred that this process requires.” What impression does that give me of you – that you’re a bit of an ass?"

"Jim Eastwood: (on being asked by Margaret to summarise himself without resorting to clichés) I am exactly what it says on the tin."

"Lord Sugar: Tom, maybe there is some legs in offering a chair."

"Claude Littner: You haven't got one error. It's full of errors. There's not a single number that adds across correctly!"

"Lord Sugar: Tom, you are gonna become my business partner. Tom, you're hired! Tom Pellerau: (quietly) Brilliant! Helen Milligan: (also quietly) Well done Tom. Tom Pellerau: Thank you Lord Sugar. (Tom leaves the Viglen building and as he does so he runs forward slightly and punches the sky) YES! (He claps his hands in victory) Yes! (as he approaches Lord Sugar's Rolls-Royce, Tom takes his glasses off and gives one more celebratory gesture)"

"Helen Milligan: (After Susan returns to the house) Oh my god! Is it just you?! (Jim enters) Jim Eastwood: Did anyone order a final four?"

"Ricky Martin: When it comes to business, I’m like a shark. I’m right at the top of the food chain. I truly am the reflection of perfection."

"Katie Wright: I would call myself ‘The Blonde Assassin’. I let people underestimate me just so I can blow them out of the water."

"Stephen Brady: I do believe business is actually very, very simple, and it is made complicated by idiots."

"Azhar Siddique: They call me the Master Puppeteer, because I have a habit of pulling people’s strings."

"Katie Wright: Bilyana did me the biggest favour in the world because she buried herself. I owe her a drink, to be honest."

"(Lord Sugar brings out some products made by the girls team Sterling including a bag with penguins drawn on it. As he looks at it, Jade's face falls) Lord Sugar: That's very good!"

"Lord Sugar: (having listened to Bilyana giving reasons why she should stay) Listen, I don't want to hear about your life. Bilyana Apostolova: I'm just... Lord Suagr: Lots of people got great stories to tell me. I don't want to bring out the violin and listen to your sob story."

"Lord Sugar: Is everything clear? The candidates: Yes, Lord Sugar. (Lord Sugar soon turns to Michael) Lord Sugar: You look like your sweating. You're not nervous, are you? Michael Copp: No, not at all. Not really. Lord Sugar: (unconvinced) You sure?"

"Adam Corbally: Okay Katie, I'd officially like to welcome you to team Phoenix. Katie Wright: (as Adam shakes her hand) Why, thank you Adam. Adam Corbally: We do things a bit different around here, like winning."

"Jane McEoy: (to Duane as he tries the chutney) Don't! You'll blow your head off! (Duane tastes the chutney as the other girls, particularly Jenna and Laura, watch concerned) Duane Bryan: That's absolutely perfect. And even though we've... even...(coughs as the chutney he made gives off such a strong scent and taste. He later leaves the chutney pan and keeps on coughing)"

"Azhar Siddique: What I'll do is I'll lead the piss-pitch in this next one."

"(Towards the end of the task, Katie rings Michael's sub team, he tells her that they have left-over stock) Katie Wright, Ricky Martin and Stephen Brady: What?! (various acts of surprise from Ricky and Stephen) Katie Wright: We've sold everything! Michael Copp: Really? That's wicked, how did you do that?"

"Duane Bryan: There is a well-known expression, don't look a gift horse in the eye."

"Katie Wright: I go to football games, it's £6 a burger... Lord Sugar: £6 a burger? Where do you go? Chelsea?"

"Jenna Whittingham: (to Laura who is Scottish) Do you think that people like, speak a Scottish language? Like just a pure Scottish language? What if someone comes to the stand and they speak Scottish to us? Will you be able to know what they're saying? Laura Hogg: (laughing) My god, Jenna! Stop!"

"(before the task briefing Adam and Ricky simulate a race on the Wii. Ricky tries to push Adam off his tracks while Adam tries to do the same to Ricky. A few minutes later Jade plays on the Wii as the other candidates watch. Laura is also about to have a go on the Wii until Azhar says to them...) Azhar Siddique: Guys! (Azhar opens the door to the house lounge and Lord Sugar enters) Lord Sugar: Hello. (shocked look from Laura. The other candidates then divide into their two teams and prepare for the task briefing)"

"Azhar Siddique: (on the phone) Sorry. Very quickly Jade, just run me through the strategy again."

"Adam Corbally: How many times does he want us to run him through the strategy?"

"Adam Corbally: (Sniffing some English wine) You can smell Christmas cake."

"Tom Gearing: (while visibly drunk) I've enjoyed myself thoroughly today. It's been a great day, me and Adam have had a lot of fun. We've really gotten to grips with the English wine sparkling... sorry, really got to grips with English wine... sparking..."

"Lord Sugar: (on Jenna's disastrous video advert) I know you're out there trying to impress me, and I also know I might remind you a little of Sid James, but I didn't ask you to make a Carry On Boozing movie. I was expecting any one moment there, Kenneth Williams to pop in and say "Ooh, maître d’, where's me Grandeur gone? Someone's nicked me Grandeur!" It's a total bloody joke! I don't know what you were thinking!"

"Lord Sugar: Stephen, you are this close to going outside that door! Stephen Brady: If I was project manager again, I would definitely deliver another victory and most importantly... Lord Sugar: Definitely? Stephen Brady: I would definitely deliver another victory, I'd actually put my, erm, well put anything that I have on me right now on that... Lord Sugar: You've thrown the gauntlet down. You are the project manager next, and I expect you to win!"

"Gabrielle Omar: Can you let me finish, please?"

"Lord Sugar: (To Stephen moments before firing him) You asked me for the chance to be the Project Manager, I gave you the chance. You told me you were going to win, you didn't win. You lost!"

"Lord Sugar: (to Adam Corbally before firing him)I think it's time for you to leave this process(Smile from Adam) You're Fired! Adam Corbally: Thank you Lord Sugar! Lord Sugar: I wish you all the best Adam. And I hope you do very well. Adam Corbally:Thank you very much. Lord Sugar: And keep in touch. Adam Corbally: (before he leaves) If you ever need a salesman, you know where I am!"

"Claude Litter: (having listened to Nick's explanation of his website) Do I care?"

"Mike Soutar: One of the things I found flawed in [Jade's] business plan was that one of the websites she owned was still available for anyone to go and buy...so I did."

"Nick Holzherr: It's like being under fire! It's like being in a warzone!"

"Mike Soutar: It all seems a bit show business than real business. Do you think that people take you less seriously in business because they can't stop imagining you in a pair of lycra pants?"

"Matthew Riley: Are you smoking something? Get on with that business! What on earth are you doing?! What are you even doing sat here?!"

"Claude Littner: The trouble is, you're an arrogant...fool. However, I read your business plan. And, I was quite impressed. Ricky Martin: Thank you Claude. Claude Littner: I think it was interesting, I think it was well written. So it just puzzles me how you can write such nonsense, such rubbish..."

"Mike Soutar: I have a glowing employment reference here and I'm going to read it out to you. (reading from the reference) "What is very evident is Tom's natural ability to focus on the challenge and to deliver results..." It goes on. "I do firmly believe you have an excellent "Apprentice" who truly has the skill sets to deliver." That's pretty good stuff isn't it? Tom Gearing: I'd say so, yeah. Mike Soutar: Who do you think said that? Tom Gearing: I'm not sure, not sure at all. (As he replies, Mike smiles)"