The Apprentice (British TV series)

"Cashier: £189.50. Susan Ma: It's actually for a very important client... Cashier: How would that make a difference to me?"

"(After Lord Sugar fires Gavin, he sends Zoe and Vincent back to the house. Outside, they console him while Nick and Karren discuss further reasons in the boardroom) Nick Hewer: Foolish loss. He just couldn't control them. Karren Brady: And I think they're clear now that there's no hiding place."

"Leon Doyle: (to a female customer) We can get you naked and spray you."

"Vincent Disneur: You've got nice hair. Would you like a free massage?"

"Susan Ma: What’s at the British museum? Just, like, dinosaurs and stuff?"

"Karren Brady: (on Natasha) She comes in here, she talks the talk. All of the things she says that she saw, she noticed, she would have done differently – it’s all talk."

"Lord Sugar: Felicity, all you've told me since you've been in this boardroom today is that "The team agreed this, the team agreed that and the team agreed..." Well look, the person I'm looking for to go into business with me, there ain't no team. That person is on their own."

"Nick Hewer: I wouldn't gas about it. I'd get on with it."

"Felicity Jackson: Due to not selling enough, my next person will be Natasha Lord Sugar: Right. (slight pause. And then...) Natasha Scribbins: I sold more than...Jim. (Jim gives Natasha an evil look)"

"Vincent Disneur: What I thought we could do is have some sort of advert where you’ve got the old-school labrador that everybody loves, and you’ve got the It Boy pug. When you get them together, they don’t like each other too much, but at the end they become pals. And that would be the name of the brand: Pals. Ellie Reed: Pal is already a name. Tom Pellereau: It’s the second biggest dog food brand in the world. Vincent Disneur: Is it? Tom Pellereau: If not the first."

"Vincent Disneur: (to a dog owner, while filming the advert) Can we have the dog on all fours? Dog owner: On all fours? Vincent Disneur: You know, on all fours, rather than sitting down. Dog owner: Do you mean standing up? Vincent Disneur: Yeah, standing up."

"[after Team Logic's fifth successive loss] Lord Sugar: You know, I had a dream recently. I dreamt that one day I came into the boardroom and you lot weren't here. Never mind "Logic", you should be branded "Tragic"!"

"Lord Sugar: (to Jim) I don't know whether you're made of brains or bollocks."

"Lord Sugar: This Jim, he seems to have some kind of control over people. I don’t know why."

"Lord Sugar: (to Vincent) With your track record at Logic, I suppose Winalot was not on the agenda, really."

"Natasha Scribbins: (to Vincent) Tom’s voice was not heard 'cause you were so far up Jim’s behind, you couldn’t see the wood for the trees!"

"Lord Sugar: I haven't seen much of you, Ellie. I don't think I can go into business with you, so I'm going to tell you that you're fired. Ellie Reed: Okay. [Ellie gets up and leaves. Lord Sugar turns to face Vincent] Lord Sugar: Vincent, I've got a feeling that you're too in awe of other people, and I think you're playing a bit of a risky game by strategising and bringing in the wrong people, so I think a message needs to go back. Vincent, you're also fired."

"Edna Agbarha: To some extent, I've been in both camps. I've been the brains and I've been the brawn as well."

"Natasha Scribbins: Melody just turned to me and just basically got a big plate of blame and went “There you go. Fancy a bite?”"

"Susan Ma: Zoe made so many bad decisions on this task. She was just sad and pessimistic, with a horrible attitude throughout the task. I never ever want to work with her again."

"Lord Sugar: My disposals get taken away in the back of a taxi."

"Melody Hossaini: It felt so good yesterday to see dirt on me, to see my fingernails dusty, to see dust in my eyes."

"Nick Hewer: There’s never any meat in it. That’s the problem – it’s just waffle."

"Edna Agbarha: I train chief executives how to be better at their job. A person who has a budget of £5bn, I'm the individual who does the assessment on that particular person and his leadership team and I teach them how to be even better at their jobs. Nick Hewer: (to Lord Sugar) Do you need training? Lord Sugar: I don't think so."

"Jim Eastwood: (through a microphone as Tom Pellereau looks on disapprovingly) Number 73! House Number 73! With the skip outside! (no response) Hello? (Still no response. Jim tries again more doubtfully) Hello?"

"Natasha Scribbins: Lads’ magazines are about lads, yeah?"

"Natasha Scribbins: What we need to bear in mind is that our focus group was quite focused."

"Nick Hewer: Trying to nail anything on Jim is a bit like trying to nail jelly to a wall."

"Jim Eastwood: (to Susan) I actually think you’re just marginally worse than Glenn."

"Jim Eastwood: It looks as if we're all trying to shoot Bambi. Lord Sugar: Er, It was actually Bambi's mother that got shot."

"Lord Sugar: I have never yet come across an engineer that can turn his hand to business."

"Jim Eastwood: May I speak Lord Sugar? Lord Sugar: No you mustn't, not anymore. I'm sick and tired of it."

"Susan Ma: Are the French really fond of their children? Do the French go camping? I know nothing about the French and their culture."

"Karren Brady: You don’t have to be have been in France to answer the question, “Do the French like their children?” That really is beyond stupid."

"Susan Ma: Do a lot of people drive in France."

"Jim Eastwood: Could you sell this type of small petit object?"

"Leon Doyle: I drew a picture of a teapot with a light. (pause) I took a back seat but I don’t want to say back seat, I was on the ground."

"Lord Sugar: (on Melody) She’ll tread over anybody. She’ll eat them up and spit them out for her breakfast. That’s what I like about her."

"Nick Hewer: (on Tom and Leon) I think it's about time that both Leon and Tom actually started to stand up for themselves and started being a bit more manly frankly."

"Nick Hewer: (on one of Team Logic's sales) As they say in Europe: "Nil Points." Nothing."

"Nick Hewer: Zoe slapped down Susan a couple of times, [just] as somebody slaps down a yapping puppy."

"Susan Ma: (on Zoe) On a personal level, she’s one of the bitchiest and most back-stabbing people I’ve ever met."

"Natasha Scribbins: It's an anytime treat, for after school."

"Zoe Beresford: Melody is a nightmare to work with. She’s come up with this one idea, and she’s pushing it and pushing it and pushing it. I don't like it, Susie doesn't like it and Tom doesn't like it. I can imagine that in the focus group, she would have talked them to death until they all held up a white flag and say “Yes, we’ll go with the bloody heart.”"

"Lord Sugar: If someone can't actually perform in the business that they're in, they're not going to be able to perform with me. Zoe, you're fired."

"Jim Eastwood: Alright, ladies, come to Papa."

"Nick Hewer: (on Jim) I’ve never seen such an abundance of baloney. He’s good fun, people like him, and I quite like him now for the first time."

"Jim Eastwood: It's very difficult to push treacle up a hill."

"Nick Hewer: They've sold their three nodding doggies... to three unsuspecting people of appalling taste. Time to get some more. Woof! Woof!"

"Lord Sugar: (to Tom) If you nod your head any longer, I'm going to put you on the back seat of my bloody car."