First Quote Added
April 10, 2026
Latest Quote Added
"Crypto: How many Takoshimese does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
"Takoshima Police Woman: Silly prank caller, we use neon!"
"Crypto: Do you like scary movies?"
"Takoshima Police Woman: Hai! You offering?"
"Crypto: I can save you two dollars per minute on your international and long-distance calls!"
"Takoshima Police Woman: We already on calling plan, sorry."
"Crypto: Hello? Is this the Suicide Hotline? 'Cause I'm feelin' pretty incredibly depres-"
"Takoshima Police Woman: Please hold."
"Crypto: [sound of heavy breathing]"
"Takoshima Police Woman: Boyfriend-san! Not while I at work! You make me have to take special trip to ladies' room!"
"Tunguska KGB Officer: KGB Headquarters. How may I directing your call?"
"Crypto: I'm looking for Schlodovodowisic Smirnoff."
"Tunguska KGB Officer: He is not being here, may I be taking message?"
"Crypto: Hey, is your fridge running?"
"Tunguska KGB Officer: What is being fridge?"
"Crypto: Hey! I'm the guy you're looking for!"
"Tunguska KGB Officer: You are being such jerk, Ivan."
"Crypto: Yeah, can I talk to Agent Meeov, first name Jack?"
"Tunguska KGB Officer: I am not knowing. Are you having lotion around?"
"Crypto: Is this information?"
"Tunguska KGB Officer: No this is disinformation. Please hold, I connect you."
"KGB Cosmonaut: Secret Soviet Moonbase Solaris!"
"Crypto: COME QUICK! THERE'S SOME AMERICAN WACKO PLAYING GOLF ON THE MOON!"
"KGB Cosmonaut: Da - be pulling other one."
"Crypto: D'ja hear about the phone that worked on the moon, despite the fact there's no air?"
"KGB Cosmonaut: Shut upski."
"Crypto: Is your biodome runnin'?"
"KGB Cosmonaut: I am hearing this joke before..."
"Crypto: Yeah, I ordered a pizza, like, seven million years ago!"
"KGB Cosmonaut: Is being on way comrade, driver is just leaving."
"Crypto: Yeah, can I speak to comrade Meeov, first name Jack?"
"[trying to act "charming" in Moon Base Solaris] Hello, Solaris! Hello, Solaris! Is this a great-looking crowd or what? Seriously, don't drop the soap in the shower, fellas!"
"[convincing the White Ninjas to worship Arkvoodle] Now go forth and multiply-- I mean, serve! Which, in this case, is the same thing..."
"Feel the earth move under your feet! Castle Kuro's tumblin' down!"
"Takoshima. Oriental setting. And the city don't know what the city is getting."
"Ponsonby was right about one thing: everybody cracks."
"[while battling Kojira Kaiju] Old Kojira was hoppin' around Takoshima City like a big playground... gets stuck in my head every time... [reference to The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny song]"
"[while battling Kojira Kaiju] Oh, sure, giant lady-lizard grows a new femur anytime she destroys something, while Crypto has to go and drain vehicles like a sissy! Game designers.... sheesh."
"[while battling Kojira Kaiju] DIE, YOU OVERGROWN LIZARD-MONKEY!"
"[if Crypto isn't able to use certain abilities on certain people or objects] I need an upgrade from the Gene Blender."
"Yippee-ki-yay, Mother Russia."
"What? Park full of potheads and none of you ever had erectile dysfunction? [no response] Last time I open up to you people..."
"I'm a freakin' supernova!"
"Put this in your bong and smoke it!"
"Brings a freakin' tear to my eye."
"The sensor cell connects to the focal plane; the focal plane connects to the plasma beam... I know you're waitin' for me to sing that damn song. Well, I ain't doin' it. I've got standards; they may not be high, but I've got 'em. Also, we couldn't get the rights."
"This will be the greatest thing in your life since you found out that boil on your butt was just a marshmallow."
"My name is Luke... Crypto, and I'm here to rescue you."
"[coughs] What was all that about? Uh, my freakin' head... this gas is noxious, smells like Pox's underwear... Don't ask me how I know that."
"Prison island? You mean, the KGB are holed up in Australia?"