"[To Eve] Look, baby. All right, I'm tryin' to be cool to you, but I will drop the hammer. [Holds up hand in a manner implying domestic violence] You want me to drop the hammer, baby? [Gets thrown onto a parked car by Eve of unexplained superhuman strength]"

"Jason Statham as Chev Chelios"

"[Poon Dong is driven around with him all dressed up and trying to get women's attentions, to Asian women] Hey, I got five dollars says you blow me for twenty bucks. Oh, stop. Stop right here. Stop right here. Hey, baby. Hey. Hey, baby. How you doing? I'm doing okay, baby. Yeah? How you doing? What you need? You know what I need. Come on. Come on, Daddy."

"[To his gang hitmen posse] No. We need his ass alive. Chev Chelios. Let's save some bullets, dude."

"[Ria catches Chev and Eve embracing at the strip club after gun fight] Who the fuck crack bitch? Take your slutty paws off my handsome!"

"[Chico's cohorts throws Chelios unconscious body into vehicle trunk] Fuck you, Chelios!"

"No fucky sucky for you asshole!"

"I know where Johnny Vang go!"

"You want sticky me? [Starts humping Chev]"

"[Hallucinations of blunt force-induced concussion, male voices] Fuck you Chelios! Hey fuck you Chelios! Fuck you Chelios! [Female voice] Fucking fuck your balls Chelios! [Male voices] Yo Chelios, fuck you! Fuck off Chelios! Fuck off Cheli-fucking-os!"

"You my nigga. Can't get no bigger. L.A. Underground, we're like a family, man. We a freak-ass family, but we family, all right? We look out for our own."

"[To Chev] You are my shiny lunch box."

"He treated me like his hot little whore."

"[To Chev, dry humping him] You need me like Whitney Houston, dude!"

"[To Chev, about Venus after getting ejected from vehicle after suffering a seizure attack] Your friend has the gay condition. [Laughs]"

"[Chico pisses in the wake of a motorboat] Massive homo cunt!"

"[Catches up with Johnny Vang after chase] Did I just drop some change... [grabs Johnny Vang by neck] ...or did I hear a chink?"

"[Upon seeing guys using a shock collar on their dog] You pair of sausage nigels! How do you sleep at night?"

"[Peering into Johnny's cooler] This isn't my fucking pumper! Becomes deeply revulsed] What is that? What kind of sick freak carries around something like this in a box? I am shocked to my fuckin' core. You have got some big problems, motherfucker. [Drops cooler on ground] What the fuck is that?"

"Chev, I'm a certified heart surgeon. Well, I was. Lost my license after I fucked up my ex-wife's vaginal rejuvenation procedure in our basement. That's irrelevant right now. The point is, if you get hold of your heart, I'm reasonably sure I can put it back in for you."

"In a story so bizarre I can scarcely believe the event I'm reporting, and yet corroborated by at least a dozen eyewitnesses, a white male apparently fell from the sky above downtown Los Angeles today, landed in the middle of a busy intersection, destroying one vehicle and hospitalizing its elderly driver, and then was removed from the scene before emergency personnel could respond. Without a body, the police have yet to piece together the events of a day that can only be described as...implausible. Reports of a second body landing in the Boyle Heights area have yet to be confirmed and are being treated as the bullshit they most likely are."

"[To mistress Chocolate backtalking over a favor request] Is Doc Miles gonna have to choke a bitch?"

"[To Poon Dong realizing his honey trapping folly, holds up surgical instruments in surgical gloves] Confucius say, "Karma's a bitch"."

"Anton David Jeftha as "Jackal""

"Chase Armitage as "Apache" (archive footage)"

"Lauren Cohan as September Jones (archive footage)"

"Dick Ervasti as Commercial"

"Eugene Wanangwa Khumbanyiwa as Nero"

"Louis Joubert as Psycho Pit Crew #1"

"Olivia Jackson as Palmer"

"Hlubi Mboya as Satana"

"Kim Syster as Olivia"

"Brandon Livanos as "Pretty Boy""

"Roxane Hayward as Prudence"

"Dumani Mtya as Angry Skinhead"

"Michael Solomon as "Sheik" (archive footage)"