Sexuality

"I wish there was a set doctrine per bar, nametags on every gal that said her availability: / Hot to trot / Smart and skanky / Proficient in the donkey punch"

"It’s never too early for a father to teach his son about sex. So as soon as your boy can talk, make certain he knows how to say, and appropriately use, the phrases "doggy-style," "donkey punch," and "popping her cherry.""

"Though tempting, never combine the Donkey Punch with the Eiffel Tower."

"Obviously dudes are way better at talking about sex—from Shakespeare, creator of the word “undress,” to the first dude who said “donkey punch.”"

"Deuce Bigalow: Do you really think that all a woman wants, is for some man to give her a "Mud Pretzel", "Turkish Snow Cone", or an..."Irish Facial"?"

"And while you're visiting you're going to have to be able to hang with the guys and roll with the punches. The donkey punches, that is. And the dirty Sanchez. And just about every other dirty phrase and nickname ever invented."

"Heinz Hummer: I am Heinz Hummer. I'm the gigolo with the most below. Okay? I can give you a Filthy Lopez like you never had before. I could give you a Cambodian Creamsicle... that will make you scream all night. Okay? But not now because I'm busy. So leave me alone, bitch."

"Donkey Punching, kids? You've heard people joke about it and other extreme and/or stupid sex acts. But while attempting your Hot Karls, Icy Mikes, or Louisville Pluggers is unlikely to result in injury, death, or incarceration, attempting a Donkey Punch can lead to any or all of these unpleasant outcomes. And not only is the Donkey Punch dangerous and likely to land your ass in jail, the damn thing doesn't even work."

"MOOJ: It's not about these rusty trombone, and dirty sanchez. It's not about rainbow showers and camel-toe slide, and your Cincinnati bowtie, your Arabian goggles or the hot carl and pearl necklace, or pussy juice cocktails, and the jagged-head dildos, and the double-decker pussies. ANDY (scared): OK. I, y'know, double pussies and-- MOOJ: Shit stained balls, and cum swapping, and the hanging brain, it's not about the rattlesnake wiggle, and the alligator fuck house, donkey-punching, the tea-bagging-- ANDY: Mooj, just please stop."

"Put succinctly, the question is this: How does a generation with absolute knowledge of felching, donkey punching, and the dirty sanchez maintain healthy sex lives?"

"The donkey punch is one of the most unique euphemisms of our time. It falls into the class of theoretical euphemisms that are infrequent, impractical, and violent. The almost purely theoretical nature of the donkey punch makes it one of the most informative euphemisms about contemporary American society."

"I want to have it all. I want to have a family, a career, and a side piece."

"I'll match my private wife against any man's."

"Adultery is the application of democracy to love."

"Kiss not thy neighbor's wife, unless Thine own thy neighbor doth caress."

"Adultery it is not fit Or safe, for women, to commit."

"I saw a little burnished fly Within my Mistress’ bodice lie, Sipping lovely stolen sweets From her ample rosy teats. ‘Small adulterer,’ said I, ‘Dost thou know where thou dost lie? ‘’Tis my lady’s bosom fine, ‘And thou dost sip what is not thine.’"

"Adultery is treason to the family; adulterers should be put to death."

"Do not adultery commit; Advantage rarely comes of it"

"Ȝyf weddyd man, sengle woman takeþ, Forsoþe spousebrechë þere he makyþ. Ȝyf weddyd wyfe take sengle man, Alle spousebreche tel y hyt þan; For þey haue broke with-outë fayle Þe chastë bondë of spousayle."

"I am possess’d with an adulterate blot; My blood is mingled with the crime of lust."

"Nessun maggior dolore che ricordarsi del tempo felice ne la miseria."

"And come not near unto adultery. Lo! it is an abomination and an evil way."

"In flagrante delicto."

"Adultery? Thou shalt not die: die for adultery! No: The wren goes to’t, and the small gilded fly Does lecher in my sight. Let copulation thrive; For Gloucester’s bastard son was kinder to his father Than my daughters got ’tween the lawful sheets."

"Sed quis custodiet ipsos custodes? Cauta est et ab illis incipit uxor."

"It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

"Jesus went unto the mount of Olives. ¶ And early in the morning he came again into the temple, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them. ¶ And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst, ¶ They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. ¶ Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou? ¶ This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not. ¶ So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. ¶ And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground. ¶ And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. ¶ When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? ¶ She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more."

"You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

"And then they called me foul adulteress, Lascivious Goth."

"They are all adulterers, as an oven heated by the baker, who ceaseth from raising after he hath kneaded the dough, until it be leavened."

"Οὔ τοι σύμφορόν ἐστι γυνὴ νέα ἀνδρὶ γέροντι: οὐ γὰρ πηδαλίῳ πείθεται ὡς ἄκατος, οὐδ᾽ ἄγκυραι ἔχουσιν ἀπορρήξασα δὲ δεσμὰ πολλάκις ἐκ νυκτῶν ἄλλον ἔχει λιμένα."

"Curam Clymene narrabat inanem Vulcani Martisque dolos et dulcia furta, aque Chao densos divum numerabat amores."

"Plead with your mother, plead: for she is not my wife, neither am I her husband: let her therefore put away her whoredoms out of her sight, and her adulteries from between her breasts; ¶ Lest I strip her naked, and set her as in the day that she was born, and make her as a wilderness, and set her like a dry land, and slay her with thirst."

"The eye also of the adulterer waiteth for the twilight, saying, No eye shall see me: and disguiseth his face."

"For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil: ¶ But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. ¶ Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell. ¶ Lest thou shouldest ponder the path of life, her ways are moveable, that thou canst not know them."

"And the man that committeth adultery with another man’s wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death."

"If a man's wife be surprised with another man, both shall be tied and thrown into the water, but the husband may pardon his wife and the king his slaves. ¶ If a man violate the wife [betrothed or child-wife] of another man, who has never known a man, and still lives in her father's house, and sleep with her and be surprised, this man shall be put to death, but the wife is blameless. ¶ If a man bring a charge against one's wife, but she is not surprised with another man, she must take an oath and then may return to her house. ¶ If the "finger is pointed" at a man's wife about another man, but she is not caught sleeping with the other man, she shall jump into the river for her husband."

"Thou shalt not commit adultery."

"But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul."

"No one walks together with him or directs their steps towards him. Life passes him by like water. He is dear to no just man, plague prevails over him. Like a worthless penny. [...] He is clothed with a garment as if a heavy punishment were assigned to him. Who is he? His name? A man sleeping with someone's wife."

"Such is the way of an adulterous woman; she eateth, and wipeth her mouth, and saith, I have done no wickedness."

"When lovely woman stoops to folly, And finds too late that men betray, What charm can soothe her melancholy, What art can wash her guilt away? The only art her guilt to cover, To hide her shame from every eye, To give repentance to her lover, And wring his bosom—is to die."

"What men call gallantry, and gods adultery, Is much more common where the climate’s sultry."

"A kiss from my mother made me a painter."

"Your kiss locates me and brings me to love, serving, praising, worshiping, glorifying, singing joy, rejoicing, do God's will and having Jesus Christ's Spirit, soul and strength."

"The kiss, in which he half forgets even such a yoke as yours."

"Says he—"I'd better call agin;" Says she—"Think likely, Mister!" Thet last word pricked him like a pin, An'—Wal, he up an' kist her."

"What is a kiss? Alacke! at worst, A single Dropp to quenche a Thirst, Tho' oft it prooves, in happie Hour, The first swete Dropp of our long Showre."

"When she kissed me once in play, Rubies were less bright than they; And less bright were those which shone In the palace of the Sun. Will they be as bright again? Not if kiss'd by other men."