Role Playing Games

"All armor within 3d10 feet shrinks by 50% in size. Characters inside will die of constriction."

"All characters within 3d10 feet become able to hear earthworms crawling."

"All characters within 3d10 feet magically climb the nearest tree and magically fall from the top."

"All characters within 3d10 feet die from lightning bolts from the sky, except the caster."

"All characters within 3d10 feet grow a fully functional tongue from their forehead."

"All characters within 3d10 feet now believe that any character who is taller must die."

"All characters within 3d10 feet now believe that the world is a rhombus."

"All characters within 3d10 feet transmogrify into air and die, but seem to vanish."

"The caster hallucinates that they are an orange and every character is trying to peel them."

"The caster must force broccoli into each ear or they become irate and scream until they can."

"The caster teleports into the cottage of an arguing peasant family."

"The local government actually cares about its citizens for 3d10 hours and tries to help them."

"The nearest king seeks the caster so that they may be thanked, praised, dismembered, and eaten."

"All characters within 3d10 feet are now naked and covered with honey."

"A nipple that is flaccid may have no length whatsoever, and may be inverted. First, roll 1d100 to see if a character’s nipples are inverted. If the result exceeds 01, then both nipples are normal. If the result is 01, then roll 1d100 again, to see if both nipples are inverted: (01-80 - both, 81-90 left only, 91-100 right only). The following table yields the maximum erect nipple length. Roll 1d100, and - 15 if male, - 50 if Infant or Child. A Bodily Attractiveness modifier applies only to female characters."

"This is an abnormal fascination with death and the dead, especially an erotic attraction to corpses. Due to this mental illness, the Debauchery (see Chap. 6: Soctalty) of this character increases to 100. Whenever a character is afflicted with necrophilia and close to a corpse, they must pass a Drive sub-ability check at TH 20 or be unable to resist their urge to copulate with the corpse."

"While every character is capable of Urinating, it requires skill to urinate accurately or to maximize the distance of a stream of urine. Generally, this skill is for males, though under certain circumstances females may exercise their Urinating skill. This is best left to the discretion of the Aedile [game master]. Whenever a character attempts to urinate on a target, and urination requires accuracy or distance, a Urinating skill check is made."

"Whenever a male opens this jar, they must pass a Drive sub-ability check at TH 21 or be compelled to force thetr Manhood into the jar. Once inside, the jar will inexplicably grip it firmly and jerk it to completion, even against the will of the opener. Upon completion, the cummer must roll 3d10. If the results are 03-08, then the jar becomes pregnant. If the jar is pregnant, then it will not allow itself to be opened again, but will care for the fetus within, which will be heard screaming by others within 1d100 feet day and night. After 9 months of fetal torture, the child will be born and the jar will break. If the jar is broken during its pregnancy, then the dying and twitching fetus will explode after 1d6 rounds of twitching. The explosion will cause 1d4 LP of sonic damage to all within 1d4 miles. Baby parts are inexplicably everywhere. When born, the baby will be Unethical Immoral, will serve the father loyally, will obsessively collect jars, and seem to be male but have no Manhood, but oversized testicles, which can never ejaculate. Therefore, this child will be forever frustrated. Any child of a jar will insist that others call them “Chucky.”"

"Casting this spell causes a target seen by the caster to experience an accumulation of gas in their rectum, forcing them to fart. As the caster increases in level, the target will have to fart for a longer duration."

"Roll 1d 1000000 (6 dice that are 10-sided) to see if something about a character is a freak of nature. If the results equal 000001, then the character is a freak of nature who has survived; most freaks of nature are killed when their deformity is discovered at birth."

"Casting this spell causes 1 female humanoid cadaver to appear to be alive and unconscious. This appearance is illusory, and each character who senses (sees, smells, tastes, and/or touches) the female cadaver must roll 3d10, and the results must be 20 or higher to disbelieve the illusion. For the spell to function, the cadaver must have all of its bones, although flesh is unnecessary. This spell does not function on a humanoid larger than 7 in height. While the spell func-tions, the dead female will appear exactly as she did during the most fertile moment of her life; she will have hair, flesh that is not discolored and is warm to the touch, etc. In fact, if her chest is observed, it will appear to rise and fall as though she breathes. If her nose is examined, then it will feel as though she inhales and exhales. Finally, if her vagina is penetrated, then it will feel warm and wet. In every respect, the female cadaver will appear to be healthy and alive. If in life the female was unattractive, then the illusion of her will be equally unattractive. This spell is unpopular and shunned by most, but when it is cast the most common reason for casting is copulation. When the spell duration expires, the illusion will disappear instantly."

"Write the following on a tin tablet and weave a cord around one's neck of 7 colors, then wear the tablet as an amulet: I conjure you, O Womb, by the one established over the Abyss, before heaven, earth, sea, light, or darkness came to be; you who created the angels, being foremost, AMICHAMCHOU and CHOUCHAO CHEROEI OUEIACHO ODOU PROSEIOGGES, and who sit over the cherubim, who bear your own throne, that you return again to your seat, and that you do not turn to 1 side into the right part of the ribs, or into the left part of the ribs, and that you do not gnaw into the heart like a dog, but remain indeed in your own intended and proper place, not chewing as long as I conjure by the one who, in the beginning, made the heaven and earth and all that is therein. Hallelujah! Amen! Description: This spell causes a flexing of the anterior of the uterus, which in turn causes some female problems such as blockage in urination, and also causes a swelling of the pubic area; in some women, it will cause an inability to stand upright."

"In an average community, an average of 20 rapes occur annually. In 80% of cases, rapes are committed by between 2-15 characters. They force the female’s door at night, do not disguise themselves, and either rape’ the victim in her home and in the presence of terrorized witnesses, or drag her through the streets into 1 of their houses, where they have their pleasure all night long. In 80% of cases, the neighbors do not intervene. Almost all rapes involve extreme brutality, though they never attempt to wound or kill her. The rapists come from all levels of society, but the majority are artisans and laborers. Less than 10% of rapes occur by ruffians. In 50% of cases, human rapists are between 18-24 years old. The group is composed, on average, of 6 characters. Only 20% of rapes are committed by a group of more than 9 characters. Half the male youth participate at least once in gang rape. Sexual violence is an everyday dimension of community life. There tends to be less in smaller communities such as hamlets and more in larger communities such as cities. If identified, rapists are imprisoned for weeks, though no more than a month. If the victim withdraws the complaint, the rapist is freed immediately. Imprisonment for rape consists of flogging, unless the rapist is an outsider, in which case the rapist is banished. When freed from tmprisonment, a rapist ts not considered criminal or bad. The social reaction to rape is rarely favorable to the victim. The human victims of gang rape are age 15-33. Child rape is rare. The rape of a child under the age of 14 or 15 is considered a sertous crime, even though the female could marry at age 12. The victim loses her good name tn almost all cases, and encounters difficulty in regaining her place in society and family. If the victim of rape is single, then fewer males desire her as a wife. If she is married, then her husband may abandon her. Priests comprise 20% of the clientele at private brothels and public baths. Some priests are even members of nightly gang rapes. The victim of gang rape almost never accuses them of committing sodomy."

"The master of a house may employ a chambermaid to clean his house, assist his wife, and pleasure he and his sons. The primary duty of the chambermaid may be any of the above. Therefore, many chambermaids are employed as whores as well."

"[Bugbear] Adulterers are forced to publicly beg their wives for forgiveness. This is an unusually cruel punishment for a male bugbear."

"[Human] slaves are castrated. Peasants are publicly whipped 2d10 times. Serfs, nobility, or royalty are fined 2d100 s.p. The female may be sentenced to work at the local brothel for 1d100 days."

"Should any vagina be stretched beyond the limit as determined by the table below, which differs from woman to woman, the orifice will rip to accommodate the incoming object. First, consider all relevant modifiers, then roll 1d100 and proceed to the following tables[.]"

"Kobolds have Indonesian names. Although these names did not originate in Europe, and so they violate an assumption of the game, they were selected due to their sound and the similarity in height between Indonesians and F.A.T.A.L. kobolds."

"Casting this spell causes a target creature to instantly and permanently age 1,000 years. The target creature must be touched successfully. If the target creature resists being touched, then the caster must make a Brawling skill check (see Chap. 8: Skills). The Aedile must determine the lifespan of the target creature. Aging beyond the creature’s lifespan is fatal. Most mortals die."

"Casting this spell causes a creature to experience their sinuses draining. The target creature must be touched successfully. If the target creature resists being touched, then the caster must make a Brawling skill check (see Chap. 8: Skills). Watery snot will drip from the nose of the target creature for the duration of the spell. The rate of dripping is a number of drips per round equal to the level of the caster."

"A hymen is a membrane that, when broken, is used to indicate that a woman is no longer a virgin. Each player of a female character may, at their option, determine the Hymen Resistance of the character by rolling 5d20. A 100 means she was born without a hymen. Every time a male inserts his Manhood into a female with an intact hymen, he must roll 1d100 to see if it breaks, and it may only break once. He must divide Manhood Circumference by Vaginal Circumference Potential and multiply the quotient by 100. Apply this modifier to the roll. If the result exceeds her Hymen Resistance, then it was broken. If it breaks, then blood seeps from her vagina. Common folk consider an unbroken hymen indicative of virginity, though she may either have a high Hymen Resistance or never have accommodated sufficient Manhood."

"BMI also affects Bodily Attractiveness. For each unit below underweight or above overweight, a modifier is usually applied to Bodily Attractiveness. For example, for each 0.1 BMI below underweight (18) for a human female, Bodily Attractiveness increases by 5. So, a human female with a BMI of 17.7 has a bonus of + 15 to Bodily Attractiveness."

"The Manhood of a male character is his penis. Most males consider their Manhood to be their most treasured possession. Some races value their Manhoods more than others. Anakim, bugbears, dark elves, humans, and kobolds consider their Manhoods more important than other races. Manhood is important for sexual intercourse, because usually, size matters. 2 measures may be useful: length and circumference. Different females prefer different sizes and shapes of Manhoods. A Manhood with a larger circumference than its length is known as a chode. Most females prefer a Manhood that is thick so she feels it, but not thick enough to hurt, and long, but not long enough to hit the end of her vagina. Some females prefer veins, others do not want to see them. Some females prefer that the head, or glans, is large and puffy, while others do not care. A phallophiliac, for example, prefers the largest Manhood available. Below a player may determine the length and circumference of a Manhood. Other details are left to the Aedile."

"Consult the former table entitled ‘Intelligence Range’ to determine if a character is retarded. For example, humans with Intelligence less than or equal to 70 are retarded. Many Aediles will simply tell the player to reroll the score, all abilities, or some may demand that the character is played despite the low score. If your character is retarded, consult your Aedile. Any character who is retarded must roll 1d100 to see if they have Retard Strength. Next, consider 3 times the difference between the character’s retarded Intelligence and the lowest Intelligence they could have to be ‘Slow’, and consider this to be the percentile chance of Retard Strength."

"Casting this spell creates paint that will magically form a hideously artistic and disfigured portrait of the target, selected by the caster’s thoughts. The target must pass a Drive ability check at TH 30. If failed, the target will flee for 4 rounds per caster level. If passed, the target is unaffected and the spell is wasted."

"Casting this spell causes a limp penis to become a blue-veined throbber. Though ejaculation will occur normally, there will be no refractory period afterward; it will remain throbbing for the duration of the spell, unless a decoction is provided."

"Casting this spell summons crud from elsewhere in the world, depositing it in the form of a puddle in an area designated by the caster. All who contact the Puddle of Crud are effectively slowed in the area to 50% of their Sprint Speed, unless a Balance skill check is passed at TH 21. Those who successfully pass their check will be unhindered."

"Casting this spell causes a creature’s intestines to emerge from their rectum and encircle the neck of their owner. The target’s intestines will strangle them with a Strength equal to the caster (see Wrestling in Chap. 8: Skills). Even if the target overcomes their animated intestines, they are usually bewildered for the rest of their lives, and defecating is uncomfortable, at best. The caster must be able to see the target creature at all times and maintain concentration."

"Casting this spell causes matter in the surrounding area to mutate into a demented, intelligent, and laughing cleaver. The Aedile randomly determines which matter. This animated cleaver revels in bloodlust, and will turn against the caster if the cleaver does not attack within 1 minute. If no other creatures who may bleed are within the area, then the cleaver attacks the caster. Whenever the cleaver attacks, it laughs hysterically with an evil tone. Upon each successful cleave, the Happy Cleaver makes a slurping sound as if enjoying the blood that flows freely from the gaping wound. ping wound. The cleaver attacks 6 times per round, doing 1d10 LP of damage, but it has no Delivery Penalty. With an Intelligence of 30, it is unable to speak, but laughs coherently. The cleaver has a mind of its own and does not need the caster to wield it. The cleaver magically propels itself through the air. Wizards have never been able to understand why, but Happy Cleavers prefer to hack female dancers to pieces."

"This spell will protect the caster from all wild animals, aquatic creatures, and robbers, so that none will be able to come within 10’ of the caster by their own volition, nor will they intend the caster any harm or pay the caster any attention whatsoever unless provoked by the caster, which will negate the spell’s effects."

"Casting this spell causes all life to instantly die on the current world of the spellcaster. The cause of death is without explanation. Fatal is the most powerful spell ever mentioned and so far it has never been cast by a mortal."

"For instance, a slovenly chambermaid [“trollop” in the first edition] offers herself to a strapping young character if and only if he can expediently repeat a tongue-twister of her choice. Driven by hormones, the young male agrees, and asks “What is the tonguetwister?” The chambermaid challenges “Huge hung hero hunks hastily hump horny heaving hot whores. How‘bout it, huh?”"

"The anakim may fart as loud as thunder All creatures within a 10-feet radius of this anakim, except the anakim, automatically take 1d4 sonic damage and are stunned for 1 round, which can be avoided by passing a Drive check at TH 17. This can be utilized only once per week."

"No object may be fully inserted into a vagina if it is longer than the female's Vaginal Depth Potential. In such extreme situations, internal damage may occur, though this is best left to the Aedile. A female's Vaginal Depth Potential equals her height in feet converted to inches (such as a female of 5' 6" becoming equivalent to 5 1/2"), and then (2d20)% is added."

"It is possible to role-play an infant or venerable character, as well as young adult."

"The areola, the skin immediately surrounding the nipple, may vary in diameter and according to race, gender, and age. A roll of 86-95 causes - 1d4 Bodily Attractiveness, while 96-100 causes - 1d6. Roll below to determine the diameter of the character's areolae, - 15 if male, - 30 if Infant or Child[.]"

"Menstruation is periodic vaginal discharge and occurs in all races available to players, as well as most mammals. Menstruation accompanies a woman’s childbearing years, usually beginning in puberty and most often ceasing during middle age. A common belief regarding menstruation is that it is punishment from the gods for being female. If pregnancy does not occur, smelly blood may flow from the lining of the uterus, seeping out of the vagina. The (1d6 + 2) days that menstruation lasts is called the menstrual period, though colloquially it is known as the rag, since women secure rags on their crotch to catch the blood and prevent it from running down their legs. In most women, the menstrual cycle is about 28 days, but it can vary considerably, even from 1 month to another. A missed period is often the first indicaton of pregnancy. Many (50%) women experience premenstrual discomfort, namely tender breasts and a tendency to retain fluid known as bloating (1d8 - 1) days prior to menstruation. Some (40%) women experience 1d6 of the following symptoms: 1) headaches, 2) irritability, 3) nervousness, 4) fatigue, 5) crying spells, and 6) depression with no apparent cause. A few women (10%) also experience menstrual cramps during the first day or 2 of the period. If they experience irritability, then the choleric part of their temperament may increase by 1d100 during menstruation. If they experience depression, then the melancholic part of their temperament may increase by 1d100 during menstruation."

"Because their diet consists of fruits and vegetables, elves fart 3d10 times per day."

"As their name implies, kobolds are bold."

"Corpse that has literally been pounded into dust"