"Though I cannot see with these blind eyes, I know the good Lord still loves me! He loves all of his children—why he loves you, and he loves you…[smells Nicky's presence] You make the Lord…very nervous! You…I'm burning now! Hellfire is burning me alive! The beast is alive! He's among us! Clear the streets! The devil is here…!"

""Everything's fine"? Who're you bullshitting? The last time you said everything was fine, the Renaissance happened!"

"What's with all those "hoo-hoo" noises?"

"You know, I was the one who created Hell."

"Even in Hell, I get no respect."

"Easy, don't choke."

"The shit has hit the fan, kid! Take a look."

"Look, it's okay for me to shit in the street, but you've got to use a toilet."

"[after firing an arrow at Adrian through his genitals] Now, that hurt the both of us."

"[while peeing on Todd's "I Love Acting" door mat] You love acting, I love pissing."

"Kid's got a lot of evil in him just begging to come out!"

"(Mocking) "But those are my roommates sodas!" Does that sound like a statement the Son of the Devil would make?"

"[deleted scene; he grabs the microphone at the stadium] I get one more shot. The ref can cover me. If I miss it, the Globetrotters have to forfeit. But if I make it, this guy doesn't ref the second half and we all start conducting ourselves as decent human beings again. [the crowd is silent] And we get free pizza! [the crowd roars in joy]"

"[deleted scene; about the flask] It was handcrafted in Hell by Satan himself, and its sole purpose is to get the Fireball of Hades burning once again."

"[to a crowd of people, in a high voice] I will eat your heart."

"The Prince of Darkness should have a sort of distinguished look to him, and let's face facts, I'm no George Clooney."

"Get in the flask!"

"[after being killed by a bus] From now on, I'm just going to try to avoid all moving metal objects."

"Popeyes Chicken is fucking awesome!"

"I never been to Earth, Dad! I never even slept over some other dude's house!"

"Release the good. Release the awesome!"

"But those are my roommate's sodas!"

"Release the evil!"

"I'm sleeping, or am I?"

"Blake Clark as Jimmy the Demon"

"Jonathan Loughran as John, Nicky's best friend"

"Peter Dante as Peter, Nicky's best friend"

"Rodney Dangerfield as Lucifer Schear, Nicky's paternal grandfather"

"Quentin Tarantino as the Blind Deacon"

"Michael McKean as Chief of Police"

"Jon Lovitz as Peeper (singing the same tune as was sung by his character in The Wedding Singer)"

"Kevin Nealon as Stanley the Gatekeeper"

"Tommy "Tiny" Lister, Jr. as Cassius, Nicky's older half-brother"

"Allen Covert as Todd, Nicky's best friend"

"Rhys Ifans as Adrian, Nicky's older half-brother"

"Harvey Keitel as Satan, Nicky's father"

"Patricia Arquette as Valerie Veran, Nicky's love interest"