Oh, God! Book II

"[looking at Earth] What a mess. Every time I look down there, it gets worse. Maybe I oughta stop looking down. Millions of planets, and that one's always been a problem. Why that one? I know why: people. I had to put people on it. Maybe I oughta go down there and look around. I gotta do something. Let's see, um…[lightning strikes] Please, not now, I'm thinking!"

"I'm not always on cloud nine."

"People remember the miracle and forget why I did it."

"I don't take off for spelling."

"They gave some of my best people a pretty hard time."

"But, Tracy, I don't want you to think I'm bragging, but, let's face it: I'm an original, the one and only. I made my own mould and threw it away."

"I say, if you don't set deadlines, nothing happens."

"Bananas." I hate that expression. I make a beautiful fruit, and people use it for "crazy."

"Mathematics. That was a mistake. I should have made the whole thing a little easier."

"Nobody's perfect."

"When I sneeze, there's no one around to bless me."

"Honest to me, I didn't."

"I need all the help I can get."

"Meet me in the lounge."

"I mean you - Tracy."

"Oh, Daddy, you and your tricks. You're always trying to pull something on me."

"Daddy, just because you can't see spirits doesn't mean they're not there. It's kinda like believing in God: sometimes, you just have to believe in things you can't see."

"But—but if You are God, why would You bother with me?"

"Have you ever felt like you might be dreaming, even though you knew you were awake?"

"Mom, we know that God has a lot of wonderful qualities, but what would you say are some of His strongest points?"

"It was some dumb commercial. They're always trying to sell you something."

"You know, You're not exactly easy to turn down."

"You talk to me like I'm grown up. I like that."

"God brought me home on His motorcycle."

"How do you spell relief? G-O-D."

"God is bullish on humanity."

"You're in good hands with God."

"Let God put you in the driver's seat."

"Buy God, B-U-Y."

"Great God!"

"Think God!"

"[to Tracy] Don't watch any horror films, okay? [cuts to a scene of Tracy watching a horror film]"

"No, He never talks to me. Maybe he doesn't understand Spanish so good."

"Did you get His autograph?"

"I don't believe a word of what you're saying; spelling always counts."

"You can be sure…if it's God."

"That's right, I made another movie. You know me, I can't stop creating."

"George Burns — God"

"Louanne — Tracy Richards"

"Suzanne Pleshette — Paula Richards"

"David Birney — Don Richards"

"John Louie — Shingo"

"Wilfrid Hyde-White — Judge Thomas Miller"

"Conrad Janis — Charles Benson, School Principal"

"Hans Conried — Dr. Barnes"

"Alma Beltran — Rosa, Paula's housekeeper"