"Fuck you Finch, you didn't eat shit OK, you didn't prance around here like a ballerina for the whole week. (Cadence appears) Oh wedding this, suck my ass that. I'm special, you're special, we're all just a bunch of special fuckers aren't we? Well, you know what? I'm-a gonna get laid Finch-fucker and it's going to be like "oh so good". It's gonna' be like "Do you like this shit, mama?" and she's gonna be like "Fucking right, doggy, give it to me. Suck on my nipples like you're milking a cow!" Like... [sucking noise] Moo (Not amused Cadence)[sucking noise] Moo. [sucking noise] Moo. (Looks at Cadence) You been here long?"

"Dear Steve, I will be forever in your debt if you teach me to dance like you did in the gay bar"

"Suck my dick. Ron Jeremy"

"Fuckface! What part of "This sucks my ass" do you not under-fucking-stand?!"

"This sucks! [Kevin & Finch look at him] Did I say that out loud? [Whispers to Jim] Keep going, man. It's good."

"Save it, dickhead, I'm working."

"Hey, flower-fuckers, you there?!"

"Fine. Adios!"

"Oh wedding this, suck my ass that. I'm special, you're special, we're all just a bunch of special fuckers. Well, you know what? Im-a gonna get laid Finch-fucker and it's going to be like oh so good. And I'm gonna' be like "You like this shit, mama?" and she's gonna be like "Fucking right, doggy, give it to me. Suck on my nipples like you're milking a cow!""

"It's time for me to boom-boom with the bridesmaids, Finch-fucker. 'Cause I'm gonna hang out with my wang out, and I'm gonna rock out with my cock out."

"Told ya that guy wanted to fuck me."

"Happy "Fuck Day", Ass Mouth! What happened to my invite? Get lost in the mail, Fuckface?"

"Congratulation, Jism!"

"Gee, thanks for inviting me to the graduation party, fucker."

"If you'll excuse me, I have some shit to attend to."

"Well, polish my nuts and serve me a milkshake."

"Hey, Finch, what's the capital of Thailand? [Hits Finch in the groin] Bangkok!"

"My dick looks like a corn dog and I've got cake all over my balls. Hey Finch, you want this for here or to go?"

"It's on like Donkey Kong, biotch."

"No, no, no, shit-head, you hooked up with one other girl for what, ten seconds? Not to mention that you passed on Nadia, dumbest fucking thing ever. You're like a blind man picking out his favorite porno."

"Ruth Hussey - Elizabeth 'Liz' Imbrie"

"James Stewart - Macaulay 'Mike' Connor"

"Katharine Hepburn - Tracy Sammantha Lord"

"Cary Grant - C. K. Dexter Haven"

"Broadway's howling year-run comedy hit of the snooty society beauty who slipped and fell - IN LOVE!"

"Uncle Leo's bedtime story for you older tots! The things they do among the playful rich - Oh, boy!"

"[watching the wedding, triumphant] I did it. I did it all!"

"Oh, I wish something would happen! Nothing ever possibly in the least ever happens here!"

"Henry Daniell - Sidney Kidd"

"Virginia Weidler - Dinah Lord"

"John Halliday - Seth Lord"

"Roland Young - Uncle Willie"

"John Howard - George Kittredge"

"Mary Nash - Margaret Lord"

"Well even if he is a Yankee, at least he's sober."

"[to Kate] Careful, you just smashed the state bird of Alabama."

"You can't ride two horses with one ass, sugarbean."

"[about a pair of handcuffs] Might wanna save those for the honeymoon! [laughs with Frederick Montana before exchanging a look]"

"Well, aren't you just a big fat liar?"

"We weren't aimin' for ya, but I doubt I woulda gone to your funeral."

"You can take the girl out of the honky tonk, but you can't take the honky tonk out of the girl."

"[to Melanie] Woo-oo. You look like sex on a stick in that Frederick Montana getup."

"[after Melanie tells Andrew that she still loves Jake at the wedding] I've never met anyone so manipulative, so deceitful...and I'm in politics."

"There is nothing wrong with poor people. I get elected by poor people."

"What ever happened to responsible journalism?"

"Why don't you go back to your double-wide and fry something?"

"Nobody finds their soul mate when they're ten. I mean, where's the fun in that, right?"

"Since when does it have to be one or the other? You can have roots and wings, Mel."