"Come on, let's be real. You're clean. You stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills. And I'll take the heat. Because I got some needs of my own. When I touch my wife, I like it better if her skin doesn't crawl. [Alice tries to interrupt] My wife hurts. I need to be able to say "What's wrong, honey? Something I can do?" And I love you. So fuck me."

"I'm waiting for my spanking."

"It's a press-on tattoo!"

"I drink a quart a day. It's vodka so you couldn't smell it."

"It's horrifying how much you can hate yourself for being low and weak and he couldn't save me from that. So I turned it on him; I tried to empty it onto him. But there was always more, you know. When he tried to help, I told him that he made me feel small and worthless. But nobody makes us feel that, we do that for ourselves. I shut him out because I knew if he ever really saw who I was inside, that he wouldn't love me. And we're separated now, he's moved away, and it was so hard not to beg him to stay. And I don't know if I'm going to get a second chance, but I have to believe. That I deserve one. Because we all do."

"That is a sad little ensemble!"

"Fuck that! Fuck making it better. It's not getting better! I don't know how to make it better and I swear to God you don't either!"

"I think I could love you again if you could, for once, say "I don't know.""

"No Michael, we're supposed to try to be real. And when you feel alone, you are not together, and that is real."

"What you want? A cookie? Get the hell out of my face."

"Hancock is not your average superhero. Every day he wakes up mad at the world. He doesn't remember what happened to him and there's no one to help him find the answers."

"Whatever we are we were built in twos, okay? We're drawn to each other — no matter how far I run, he's always there — he finds me! It's physics!"

"(after Ray says Hancock to go away) Technically speaking, he's my husband."

"(to Hancock) GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!!!"

"This is very hard to explain."

"Okay! I was flying! And — I'm very strong — as well. It's just the way we are."

"He's not going to go."

"I think you're wasting your time with this guy."

"What is it, National Horn Day?"

"That's something you might want to bring up on a first date, Mary. "I don't like to travel." "I'm allergic to cats." "I'm immortal." Those are like some things you might want to give a little heads up on."

"The AllHeart symbol will be known globally as a symbol of companies that are committed to changing the world. They'll give away their sustenance goods of food, drugs, power, clothing for free."

"You're an asshole."

"You're a superhero for God's sake, people should love you."

"You're gonna change the world. Good job, Ray."

"Do I look like I care what people think?"

"I apologize to the people of Los Angeles. My behavior has been improper and I accept the consequences. I ask my fellow Angelinos for their patience and understanding. Life here can be difficult for me. After all, I am the only one of my kind. During my incarceration, I will be participating in alcohol and anger management treatment. You deserve better from me. I can be better. I will be better."

"You gotta wonder though, what kind of bastard must I have been.....that nobody was there to claim me? I mean, I'm no, I'm not the most charming guy on the world so I've been told, but nobody?"

"But if you don't pull over & give yourselves up quietly, I swear to Christ, your head is going up the driver's ass, his head is going up your ass, and you drew the short straw, cause your head's going up my ass."

"(to Mary) You better not hit me with that truck!"

"(to Mary, during their row) I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!! I HATE TO BURST YOUR CRAZY LADY BUBBLE, BUT IT MUST NOT HAVE BEEN ALL THAT GREAT, 'CAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER YOU!"

"(repeated line) Call me an asshole, one more time."

"Well you should sue McDonalds cause they fucked you up."

"All you people blocking the intersection...you're all idiots."

"This is so not how I saw this whole thing playing out!"

"Margo Martindale - Betty"

"Diane Ladd - Bobbie Jean"

"Reni Santoni - Daniel"

"Marianne Jean-Baptiste - Roshanda"

"Mike O'Malley - Oliver"

"Alan Tudyk - Gerhardt"

"Steve Buscemi - Cornell Shaw"

"Azura Skye - Andrea"

"Elizabeth Perkins - Lily Cummings"

"Dominic West - Jasper"

"Viggo Mortensen - Eddie Boone"

"Sandra Bullock - Gwen Cummings"

"Don't miss tonight's lecture, "Is God an alcoholic?""