"In a hundred years, when you and I are both long gone, any time someone threads a frame of yours through a sprocket, you will be alive again. You see what that means? One day, every person on every film shot this year will be dead. And one day, all those films will be pulled from the vaults, and all their ghosts will dine together, and adventure together, go to the jungle, to war together. A child born in 50 years will stumble across your image flickering on a screen and feel he knows you, like... like a friend, though you breathed your last before he breathed his first. You've been given a gift. Be grateful. Your time today is through, but you'll spend eternity with angels and ghosts."

"Okay, remember, you're a sad lonely man and no one will ever love you!"

"That's the cocksucker they sent here to screw us!"

"Marbled meadows metamorphose into the medieval plains of Iberia. Soldiers swarm the fields like flecks of paint from a madman's brush as your humble servant bears witness to the latest of the moving picture's magic tricks. - - Oh, why do I bother? Look at these idiots! I knew Proust, you know."

"[Singing] There's one pet I like to pet. Every evening we get set. I stroke it. Every chance I get. It's my girl's. Pussy. Seldom plays and never purrs. And I love. The thoughts it stirs. But I don't mind. Because it's hers. It's my girl's pussy. 'Cause I'll do anything. For my sweet pet. She works me to a sweat. And that's hard to do. I must first. Remove my gloves. When stroking my girl's. Pussy."

"Ah, you came through. That's the main thing."

"Did you know Michelangelo painted the entire Sistine Chapel on his back?"

"[On Nellie] Do you think she swings both ways?"

"Ordinary and uncool as she may be, there's something about her that speaks to us in a language as vital and as pressing as life itself. Never have I seen such a mess of a bad taste and sheer magic. Your humble servant bares witness... just killed our grandmothers, and we thank her for it."

"[Pointing at Nellie dancing] Her! Whoever she is."

"And this boy, who breathed his first decades after you breathed your last, will look at your image and think he's found a friend."

"This is not a low art!"

"My last idea is the best."

"Honey, you don't become a star. Either you are one or you ain't. I am."

"Well, that was a waste of time!"

"You! I've been looking all over for you. We got a serious fucking situation."

"Dabadabadabadabadab said the Monkey to the Chimp!"

"Flea - Bob Levine"

"The Jersey thing doesn't work anymore. Today's audiences find her pornographic. She's been hanging around Jim McKay's casinos like a half-wit. She owes gambling debts all over town. And she sounds like a donkey."

"I ain't a fucking pussy!"

"There is no why. [Yoda!]"

"Margot Robbie - Nellie LaRoy"

"Manny... this is the end of the road for me."

"It'll be like nothing they've ever seen!"

"Now I do apologize, but I must resign briefly to the powder room. I shan't be long. Ta-ta!"

"Hot damn! Jack Conrad? You are even more fuckable in person."

"Party time, sparkle cocks!"

"Chaplin is hung for sure, but Gary Cooper. Gary Cooper is a fucking horse! He's also a fucking pussy. All that cock, no balls. A shame. What are the schlongs like on Broadway?"

"What a nice man. I wonder if he's single."

"You know, "Roy," actually, in French, means "king." And I added the "La," so it's "Nellie the King." I made that up."

"Don't "Nellie baby" me, you six foot fucking vagina!"

"They said if I don't have the money in a week, they'll pour acid on my pussy!"

"Diego Calva - Manny Torres"

"Oh, I'm no good for you!"

"Brad Pitt - Jack Conrad"

"Jimmy Ortega - Elephant Wrangler"

"So, we're talking an elephant, plus Garbo, plus others tonight at Don Wallach's house, is that right?"

"It's written in the stars. I am a star."

"Tobey Maguire - James McKay"

"I hate when people put fucking toppings on ice cream. Doesn't need it. It messes up a good thing. You know what I mean? I fucking hate that. God, I've never done nothing except disappoint people my whole life. Teachers told me I was no good. Boys told me I was no good. Every fucking casting director in the city told me I was too short or I was too fat. Usually I was too fat. You know, my mama actually had some fat years too. You wouldn't know it now, looking at her, but she did. They fucked up with me, Manny. They really fucked up with me. 'Cause I make 'em squirm. And I like making 'em squirm. Let 'em know that I got here on my terms, not theirs. And when I'm done, I'm gonna dance my ass off into the night. And they'll know - everyone will fucking know that they could never control one goddamn fucking thing. Do you like ice cream?"

"Never talk to Elinor! Pretend you can't speak English!"

"Jean Smart - Elinor St. John"

"Hey, you two with the camera! Do you know who I am? I'm Nellie LaRoy, bitches."

"Suck a dick, Señor Avocado."

"Hello, college!"

"Oh, if they could see me now! All the cunts in Lafayette called me the ugliest mutt in the neighborhood. Well, let them see me now!"

"It was brillig, and the slithy toves..."

"This January, a buddy comedy without the buddies."

"Matt McCoy as Robert Barton"

"Brett Cullen as Heston"