"Start 'em off with a single, then a double, then a triple, then back to a double, and back to a single. You want 'em drunk enough to get their credit card then sober enough to sign the check."

"Manny... this is the end of the road for me."

"Now I do apologize, but I must resign briefly to the powder room. I shan't be long. Ta-ta!"

"It'll be like nothing they've ever seen!"

"Party time, sparkle cocks!"

"They said if I don't have the money in a week, they'll pour acid on my pussy!"

"What a nice man. I wonder if he's single."

"Hot damn! Jack Conrad? You are even more fuckable in person."

"I hate when people put fucking toppings on ice cream. Doesn't need it. It messes up a good thing. You know what I mean? I fucking hate that. God, I've never done nothing except disappoint people my whole life. Teachers told me I was no good. Boys told me I was no good. Every fucking casting director in the city told me I was too short or I was too fat. Usually I was too fat. You know, my mama actually had some fat years too. You wouldn't know it now, looking at her, but she did. They fucked up with me, Manny. They really fucked up with me. 'Cause I make 'em squirm. And I like making 'em squirm. Let 'em know that I got here on my terms, not theirs. And when I'm done, I'm gonna dance my ass off into the night. And they'll know - everyone will fucking know that they could never control one goddamn fucking thing. Do you like ice cream?"

"Hello, college!"

"You know, "Roy," actually, in French, means "king." And I added the "La," so it's "Nellie the King." I made that up."

"It's written in the stars. I am a star."

"Honey, you don't become a star. Either you are one or you ain't. I am."

"Oh, I'm no good for you!"

"Don't "Nellie baby" me, you six foot fucking vagina!"

"Chaplin is hung for sure, but Gary Cooper. Gary Cooper is a fucking horse! He's also a fucking pussy. All that cock, no balls. A shame. What are the schlongs like on Broadway?"

"There is no why. [Yoda!]"

"Olivia Wilde - Ina Conrad"

"Flea - Bob Levine"

"Shane Powers - Dale"

"Jean Smart - Elinor St. John"

"Tobey Maguire - James McKay"

"Phoebe Tonkin - Jane Thornton"

"Hansford Prince - Joe Holiday"

"Troy Metcalf - Orville Pickwick"

"Jimmy Ortega - Elephant Wrangler"

"Never talk to Elinor! Pretend you can't speak English!"

"It was brillig, and the slithy toves..."

"Dabadabadabadabadab said the Monkey to the Chimp!"

"So, we're talking an elephant, plus Garbo, plus others tonight at Don Wallach's house, is that right?"

"We'll serve sandwiches in the shape of her face!"

"Nellie dresses low 'cause Nellie is low. Now, let me tell you about the time I fought a rattlesnake."

"[After Jane Thornton overdoses on cocaine] Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!"

"Brad Pitt - Jack Conrad"

"Oh God, please forgive us! You sent us this beautiful light and we're squandering it!"

"This is when you kiss the apparition."

"Margot Robbie - Nellie LaRoy"

"[To Nellie] I've always helped you. And all you've done is break my heart!"

"There's a new sensibility now. People care about morals."

"[Stuck in the catacombs] It's getting really late."

"First you have to assume the pose of the mongoose!"

"Sir, George won't come out of the car. He's insisting I drive him off the nearest cliff."

"This is not a low art!"

"My last idea is the best."

"Morphine, opium, ether, heroin, coke. And Louis XIV sat on that."

"Who sneezed?! Who the fuck sneezed?! [Walks up to crew man] Kike-nosed, hymie-hole piece of mongoloid shit! I see you! Oh, I see you right there you little shylock dickface! Wipe your nose again! Wipe your little hook nose again, you menorah motherfucker! [Walks back to stage] Now, does anybody else here need to sneeze?! Huh?! Does anyone here need to fuck this scene in the ass?! Camera! And sound!"

"Did you know Michelangelo painted the entire Sistine Chapel on his back?"