"Tonight I am going to do to Champion City what I have done to its greatest superhero — und there will still be time to go up, get down... und boogie!"

"When the clock strikes twelve... cuckoo, cuckoo... you will be dead. And my city will be given a new state of mind."

"Hello, Champion City. Daddy... is home!"

"To learn my teachings, I must first teach you how to learn."

"When you care for what is on the outside, what is inside cares for you."

"Curtis: Boys, you gotta learn not to talk to nuns that way."

"Illinois Nazi Party Leader: White men! White women! The swastika is calling you! The sacred and ancient symbol of your race since the beginning of time! The Jew is using the black as muscle against you! And you are left there, helpless. Well? What are you gonna do about it, whitey? Just sit there? Of course not! You are going to join with us! The members of the American Socialist White People's Party. An organization of decent law-abiding white folk, just like you."

"Sister Mary Stigmata: You two are such a disappointing pair! I prayed so hard for you both. It saddens and hurts me that the two young men whom I raised to believe in the Ten Commandments have returned to me as two thieves with filthy mouths, disgusting lies and bad attitudes. Get out! And don't come back...until you've redeemed yourselves."

"Police Dispatcher: Use of unnecessary violence in the apprehension of the Blues Brothers has been approved."

"Claire: [When asked what music is played at Bob's Country Bunker] Oh we got both kinds. We got Country and Western."

"We're so glad to see so many of you lovely people here tonight. And we would especially like to welcome all the representatives of Illinois's law enforcement community who have chosen to join us here in the Palace Hotel Ballroom at this time. We do sincerely hope you all enjoy the show. And please remember, people, that no matter who you are and what you do to live, thrive and survive, there are still some things that make us all the same. You. Me. Them. Everybody. Everybody."

"Some People Just Don't Belong."

"At last, a comedy that bites!"

"I smell varmint poontang. And the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think."

"This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff."

"[Walking up to a gopher hole, dragging a giant water hose between his legs] Great big gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts. How about a nice, cool drink, varmints? [puts the nozzle down the hole] Scum! Slime! Menace to the golfing industry! You're a disgrace and you're varmints. You're one of the lowest members of the food chain and you'll probably be replaced by the rat. Well, I have been pushed. I think it's about time that somebody teaches these varmints a little lesson about morality and about what it's like to be a decent, upstanding member of a society! Come to Carl, varmint. Come to Carl. [sticks his hand down the hole and flips off the gopher which bites him in return] Ah! Okay, I guess we're playing for keeps now. I guess the kidding around is pretty much over, huh? I guess it's just a matter now of pumping about fifteen thousand gallons of water down there to teach you a little bit of a lesson, is that it? I think it is!"

"I have to laugh, because I've outsmarted myself. My foe, my enemy, is an animal, and in order to conquer him, I have to think like an animal, and, whenever possible, to look like one. I've gotta get inside this dude's pelt and crawl around for a few days."

"License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill you must know your enemy, and in this case, my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will not quit, ever. They're like the Viet Cong. Varmint Cong. So what you gotta do is, you gotta fall back on superior firepower, and superior intelligence. And that's all she wrote."

"[standing in an ornamental flowerbed] What an incredible Cinderella story! This unknown, comes out of nowhere, to lead the pack at Augusta. He's at the final hole. He's about 455 yards away, he's gonna hit about a 2-iron, I think. [swings, pulverizes a flower] Oh, he got all of that. The crowd is standing on its feet here at Augusta. The normally reserved Augusta crowd is going wild... [pauses] for this young Cinderella who's come out of nowhere. He's got about 350 yards left, he's going to hit about a 5-iron, it looks like, don't you think? He's got a beautiful backswing... [swings, pulverizes another flower] that's- oh, he got all of that one! He's gotta be pleased with that! The crowd is just on its feet here. He's a Cinderella boy. Tears in his eyes, I guess, as he lines up this last shot. He's got about 195 yards left, and he's got a, looks like he's got about an 8-iron. This crowd has gone deadly silent... Cinderella story, out of nowhere, former greenskeeper, now about to become the Masters champion. [swings, pulverizes yet another flower] It looks like a mirac- it's in the hole! It's in the hole!"

"[impatiently waits for Danny's final putt] WELL? WE'RE WAITING."

"I have a little poem I'd like to read in honor of this occasion, if I may. Spaulding, get your foot off the boat."

"Danny, I'm having a party this weekend. [pauses a beat] How would you like to come over and mow my lawn?"

"Henry Wilcoxon - The Bishop"

"Dan Resin - Dr. Beeper"

"Cindy Morgan - Lacey Underall"

"Scott Colomby - Tony D'Annunzio"

"Sarah Holcomb - Maggie O'Hooligan"

"Bill Murray - Carl Spackler"

"Michael O'Keefe - Danny Noonan"

"Ted Knight - Judge Elihu Smails"

"Rodney Dangerfield - Al Czervik"

"Chevy Chase - Ty Webb"

"At last, a comedy with balls!"

"Playing A Round Of Golf At The Bushwood Club Isn't Just Confined To The Golf Course!"

"The Snobs Against The Slobs!"

"May I start by saying how thrilled we are to have you here. We are such fans of your music and all of your records. I'm not speaking of yours personally, but the whole genre of the rock and roll."

"Yeah, listen, we'd love to stand around and chat, but we've gotta... sit down in the lobby and wait for the limo."

"Certainly, in the topsy-turvy world of heavy rock, having a good solid piece of wood in your hand is often useful."

"For one thing that goes wrong, a hundred things go right. Do you know what I spend my time doing? I sleep two or three hours a night. There's no sex and drugs for Ian, David. Do you know what I do? I find lost luggage. I locate mandolin strings in the middle of Austin. I prise the rent out of the local Hebrews. That's what I do."

"Whenever a single bump or a ruffle comes into this little fantasy, adolescent fantasy world that you guys, you guys have built around yourselves, you start screaming like a bunch of pansy hairdressers."

"We're very lucky in the band in that we have two visionaries, David and Nigel, they're like poets, like Shelley and Byron. They're two distinct types of visionaries, it's like fire and ice, basically. I feel my role in the band is to be somewhere in the middle of that, kind of like lukewarm water."

"You can't really dust for vomit."

"There's something about this that's so black, it's like how much more black could this be? And the answer is none. None more black."

"[Asked by a reporter if this is the end of Spinal Tap] Well, I don't really think that the end can be assessed as of itself as being the end because what does the end feel like? It's like saying when you try to extrapolate the end of the universe, you say, if the universe is indeed infinite, then how - what does that mean? How far is all the way, and then if it stops, what's stopping it, and what's behind what's stopping it? So, what's the end, you know, is my question to you."

"Well, I'm sure I'd feel much worse if I weren't under such heavy sedation."

"I believe virtually everything I read, and I think that is what makes me more of a selective human than someone who doesn't believe anything."

"[introducing the film] I wanted to capture the... the sights, the sounds... the smells of a hard-working rock band, on the road. And I got that; I got more... a lot more. But hey, enough of my yakkin'; whaddaya say? Let's boogie!"

"Dom DeLuise - Pizza the Hutt (voice)"

"Jim Jackman - Major Asshole"