"[on any regrets] I sometimes wonder if I should've done another season of The Honeymooners. And then there's a part of me that felt I played it right by going out on top when I did. I wish I was there more for my family in those days, but uh... I was so driven, and uh, I payed for it. And unfortunately, I'm sure they did too."

"[to the writers] Alright, now listen. Does everybody have a pen? I would appreciate it if you write this down. Think funny, okay? Humor comes out of conflict not an occupation, but it comes out of relationships and situations, right?"

"From His Brooklyn Tenement Childhood To His Lavish Lifestyle Among The Rich And Famous. How Sweet It Was!"

"[to Sammy Birch] You would have to be a contender to be jealous. You are envious. And pathetic."

"You're in for a real treat tonight! Thanks for staying tuned to Cavalcade! Sammy little travellin' music! [music starts playing. Gleason begins dancing]"

"He made more than television. He made history."

"[presenting Cavalcade of Stars at Dumont Studios] Thank you everybody! Welcome to Cavalcade of Stars, I'm Jackie Gleason! There's a cow son of the farmer, thanks for the warm hand! [laughter ensues] I think it's time to put that joke out to pasture! You know I'm gonna tell you, backstage I met a gal with a million dollar smile. She'd only smile at guys who had a million dollars. [laughter ensues] Girls that's your queue!"

"[to Bullets] Do you think I pay you to kiss my ass? Do I pay you to kiss my ass?!"

"[meeting a group of fans outside CBS Studios] How did everybody get in my dressing room!"

"[on stage to an audience member] What the hell are you looking at, pal? You look like you lost your best friend. By any chance did he run off with your hair? Could you put your head on dim. Good thing about it, pal. At least if you find a hair in your soup, you know it ain't yours! But I gotta tell you life is good, ladies and gentlemen. My land lord called me the other day. Told me I have three days to pay rent. I said "Okay. I pick Easter, Thanks giving and New Year's Eve 1962." [the audience laughs. Says to another audience member] And you, get your legs together. What, you waiting for a parade? You should see what I see. I'm Jackie Gleason. Have a good night."

"On with the show and awaaaay we go!"

"[speaking to his driver] So we leave the Yankee game, right? We get in the car. Things start spinnin'. And I threw up. I was so loaded I threw up all over Sinatra right in his limo. Do you believe that? And you know what I told his driver? [what's that Mr. Gleason] "Throw the bum out, he's stinkin' up the car." [laughs]"

"I drank for one reason only and that is to get bagged. It never got in the way of my work. I never drank on show day. I was always on time."

"[on stage] I gotta tell you somethin', two days ago... No wait, that wasn't me. [laughs along with the audience] You're a dandy crowd! Look at this guy, didn't you see there's a sign out there. There's an age limit in this nightclub, pal. You gotta be under a hundred. [the audience laughs] By the way, the Civil War called, they found your diary. [laughter ensues] I'm kidding, the cemetery called, you're room's ready. [laughter ensues] How are you doing, pal? Make you feel at home. Waaaaaaaa! Waaaaaaaa! [laughter ensues] More on embalming fluid on this table, put it on my tab. No, you're a good crowd!"

"Brad Garrett - Jackie Gleason"

"[is it true that you didn't like to rehearse] I was never fond of rehearsing simply because I believe the best comedy should have a certain degree of spontaneity and surprise. And uh, it was just totally a decision made by my technique. I - I liked to be surprised as well, and the more I rehearsed the more I felt it was watered down and so I - I rarely rehearsed."

"No actually, Orson Welles was the first to call me 'The Great One'. I'm not exactly sure why. And then Lucy continued the tradition and started calling me that as well, and uh, I never had a problem with it. I learnt to deal with it."

"Saul Rubinek - George 'Bullets' Durgom"

"Gretchen Egolf - Genevieve Halford"

"[why was The Honeymooners so successful] I could probably give you thirty reasons why. But the one that comes to mind is uh, it was funny. That's all."

"James Brown — Ted Haines, Jr."

"Gene Lockhart — Ted Haines, Sr."

"Jean Heather — Carol James/Haines"

"Frank McHugh — Father Timothy O'Dowd"

"When the St. Louis Browns lost Bing, the Cardinal got a good singer!"

"Bing Crosby — Father Chuck O'Malley"

"Porter Hall — Mr. Belknap"

"Barry Fitzgerald — Father Fitzgibbon"

"A golf course is nothing but a poolroom moved outdoors."

"Hope? You know, Chuck, when you're young, it's easy to keep the fires of hope burning bright. But at my age, you're lucky if the pilot light doesn't go out."

"You know how to manage these old fussbudgets. Take him out on the golf course. Bring him out in the fresh air."

"I'm sure that the way to say what I'd like to say will occur to me after you've gone."

"Bing's "little angels" - the roughest gang this side of reform school!"

"[to Father Fitzgibbons as he goes to chip a golf shot out of a sand trap] Keep your head down now, father. And watch your language."

"Fortunio Bonanova — Tomaso Bozanni"

"Eily Malyon — Mrs. Carmody"

"Stanley Clements — Tony Scaponi"

"William Frawley — Max Dolan"

"Carl "Alfalfa" Switzer — Herman Langer"

"Risë Stevens — Genevieve Linden (Jenny Tuffel)"

"Robert Mitchell Boychoir — St. Dominic's Church Choir"

"Tom Virtue – Morgan Anderson"