Comedians From Canada

"When we do well, we do the best comedy on TV. That's not ego; that's just the way it is."

"I like the story of Chris Rock going on SNL: him telling Lorne "I want to keep my mustache and goatee". And Lorne said to him "In comedy, we put on beards"."

"I've learned many great leasson from my father. Not the least of which was that you can fail at what you dont want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love."

"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."

"I enjoy my life. The fame part of it freaked me out for a little while, and there are definitely times when it's not so great to be special and known by everybody — you know, when you're wearing the wrong thing, or just in a vulnerable place. But I'm good with my life now."

"There are two thoughts that will ensure success in all you do; (1) Don't tell everything you know, and (2) until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass."

"If you aren’t in the moment, you are either looking forward to uncertainty, or back to pain and regret."

"I like people. They're entertaining. I just may laugh at different things than most people. I laugh at mistakes. I laugh at how you recover from mistakes."

"I think we're past the time in history where you have to come out and say, "you know I'm just happy all the time! I'm a joker, I'm a crazy man!" you know kind of thing. I think people understand I can turn that switch on but I'm also a sensitive, normal human being with feelings and I know how to express those too."

"Comedic actors can be looked at as a lower form because we have to put ourselves in a lower place than most of the audience. I think lofty emotions are somehow considered more special. The best stories in the world to me are the ones that elicit a real emotion, but have humour."

"Now fear is going to be a player in your life, but you get to decide how much. You can spend your whole life imagining ghosts, worrying about the pathway to the future, but all there will ever be is what’s happening here and the decisions we make in this moment, which are based on either love or fear. So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality. What we really want seems impossibly out of reach and ridiculous to expect, so we never dare to ask the universe for it. I’m saying I’m the proof that you can ask the universe for it — please! ... My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that was possible for him, and so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant, and when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job, and our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love."

"We have to say yes to socialism — to the word and everything [...] Medicare for all, ending student debt, a different approach to the war on terror, ending mass incarceration."

"Everything should be considered. That's all. I think that's all people want. All people want is to be considered."

"Untold American lives have been ruined by the presidency of Donald Trump. The rule of law is imperiled, our unity has been shattered, the service sector has been obliterated, and major cities are suffering. Black Americans, who have endured half a millennium of wickedness and brutality, now face more injustice and death."

"Imagine if you could actually be that happy? That would be powerful, man. People would be tunneling under the street to avoid you. They'd go "Oh, man — is that happy guy still out there?"

"Madness is never that far away. It's as close as saying yes to the wrong impulse. The people who stay sane are the people who can make those quick decisions: "Should I stick my fingers into the fan, or leave the room right now? "Should I run the blade of this razor across my tongue, or just finish shaving and move away from the sink?" But you don't because luckily most of us have that little voice inside our head that says, "Uh uh uh, turning the car into oncoming traffic...is counterproductive!""

"I think nine times out of ten the worst impulses we get are when we're behind the wheel of a car. That's why I don't think its such a good idea to have a gun … in the glove compartment. Cause chances are, if it's there, sooner or later, you're gonna use it — 'course, then again, what are you gonna do when someone cuts you off on the freeway? Just let them go? Yeah — you pretty much have to shoot them, y'know, otherwise they won't learn nothin'."

"Communication, hardest thing in the world. Y'know, I can look at you guys, I can communicate to you all night, but, one-on-one, I'm terrible. It's just, there's certain things about communicating that really bother me. Like whenever I meet somebody new I say, "Hi! How are you!" Most of the time when people hear that they'll say, "Good! And yourself?", or "Fine! Thank you very much!" But sometimes they like to surprise you, "I've got no dream, man! I'm all dead inside!""

"I wish I could do some really weird stuff for you guys, you know?"

"(Parodying Informer by Snow)"

"You can criticise me all the way to the bank"

"My singles' number one and Shabba don't rank"

"You are a bastard. Hi @JimCarrey do you know the history of #RosaPark?"

"I think actors look for good material and I had heard about this script by Aaron and I read it and thought I had to come back to television. I'm here mostly because of how good the script is and how bad The Whole 10 Yards was."

"Even when he was going through some painful times of his own, he was always incredibly funny and cheerful and always making me laugh."

"Matthew is a complete pro. Everyday that we were shooting, we were getting great material."

"He doesn't have to be the funniest guy in the room. Now, he's a guy who is much more secure. He's not afraid to look in the mirror anymore. Underneath all the (stuff) that used to get in his way was a heart of gold. He's really a super-compassionate human being. He's so smart. He's always got good advice. I've gotten free therapy from him for years. He's very intuitive."

"Shoot me up with a big one."

"Dating Julia Roberts had been too much for me. I had been constantly certain that she was going to break up with me. Why would she not? I was not enough; I could never be enough; I was broken, bent, unloveable. So instead of facing the inevitable agony of losing her, I broke up with the beautiful and brilliant Julia Roberts."

"The best way I can describe it is: after the show was over, at a party or any — any kind social gathering, if one of us bumped into each other, that was it, that was the end of the night. We just sat with the person all night long — and that was it. You apologized to the people that you were with, but they had to understand you had met somebody special to you, and you were going to talk to that person for the rest of the night. And that's the way it worked. It's certainly the way it worked with all of us. It's just the way it is. … Now, I'm gonna cry now."

"Even as a child, I had that sort of defense mechanism. If something was awkward, I would try to lighten it up by making people laugh. But like Chandler, I've grown up a little bit in the last eight years and become a lot more comfortable with my serious side. I feel the need to fill the silences a lot less with jokes."

"I've been in the public eye for nine years, and I've gone through different phases with it. At first I loved it. Finally, there's a light shining on me and I've wanted that all this time. Then there were a couple of years where I almost became reclusive because it bothered me so much. The trick is to be able to look at it as something that's ethereal and not real. Fame, or whatever that is, isn't tangible. You can't hang your hat on it. You must be able to sit under your covers and giggle about the nonsense of all of it."

"In television or a movie I bring my own ego and consequently can mess up. In the theatre I learnt very quickly to shut up and listen. Now I am able to get out of my own way."

"It's been more than a show. It's been a wonderful support group. It's a group of people that love each other, that come together every day to try to make America laugh. What better thing is there to do than that?"

"It's odd. Fifty percent of me feels it's the right time to be closing this. The other 50 percent of me is saying it's more than a show. It's a group of people that love each other. It's a group of people that come together every day trying to make America laugh, and what better thing is there to do than that?"

"I'm not as funny as Chandler is. Because Chandler has thirty people writing for him."

"I have a dark side; it's been pretty well documented. It wouldn't be bad to show that in some light in my work...It's something I no longer fear doing and am actually excited about doing."

"I thought it would be interesting if I came back to television to play somebody somewhat dark. What's bizarre is that we're shooting seven feet from the Friends stage. I know how long it takes to get here from my house."

"I know it's called a pigskin, but it's not against your religion to catch it."

"Justice is blind until she gets the person that blinded her. Then it's payback time."

"A friend of mine [Leonard Nimoy] suffered from COPD. That's why I wanted to let you know about Inogen, a new way to have oxygen anytime, anywhere. Look into the difference Inogen can make for you."

"It’s difficult working with someone who is not a team player. The rest of the cast all understand what makes a scene work—it’s everybody contributing to it. But Bill is a wonderful actor, and he knows it, and he likes to have the camera on him all the time."

"He so often gets a bad rap for overacting, but I just don’t see that. When I lived in Brooklyn before moving to California in 1951, I used to go out of my way to watch Bill perform on TV in New York in the early part of his career. And he was fascinating to watch...very theatrical. Great actors, in my estimation, are actors as opposed to reactors. Too many of today’s “stars” are reactors. They can’t really act themselves so they let other character actors around them do the acting and then they react to that performance."

"What you have given me, is the most profound experience I could imagine. I’m so filled with emotion, about what’s just happened — it’s extraordinary. It’s extraordinary. I hope I never recover from this. I hope that I can maintain what I feel now — I don’t want to lose it. It’s so … so much larger than me and life and it hasn’t got anything to do with the little green planet and the blue orb — it has to do with the enormity — at the quickness and the suddenness of life and death and then oh my God!"

"Science fiction these days is only half a step ahead of science. Astrophysicists and scientists are working in the same way as science fiction writers. They’re working things out in their imagination based on the slim scientific facts that they know. Hawking imagines a black hole and then discovers the mathematics that support his theory, and new possibilities come to light. That’s the imaginative flair that scientists have to have. For me as a sci-fi writer, spinning those ideas in your mind brings you to the point where you dream in science fiction. Suddenly you think of something in the middle of the night, and it’s so vivid you don’t need to write it down because you know you’ll remember it in the morning. That’s what these books, Zero G, reflect: a vivid imagination."

"My big claim to fame during the three years I was at Stratford was understudying Henry V and going on without any rehearsal — and I tell that story in the show. ... Tyrone Guthrie, a great English director of that time, said to me — I was understudying Chris Plummer — and they said, "Plummer's ill. Can you go on?" And I had never rehearsed the part, never spoken the part out loud. And I went on."

"Captain Kirk was captain of everybody's fate. He was a dictator."

"Star Trek never really caught on with audiences, ran for three seasons, and was canceled. I wish I had taken notes at the time, because you people sure do have a lot of questions about it."

"They said I was this William Shatner character, and I figured I had to be it, pompous, takes himself seriously, hardheaded. So I played it. But I didn’t see it. That character doesn’t seem like me to me. I know the real William Shatner."

"You, HP, promised me a toxic-free COMPUTER by 2009. Now my friends at Greenpeace tell me that I'll have to wait till 2011. What's up with that?""