Jim Carrey

"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."

"I enjoy my life. The fame part of it freaked me out for a little while, and there are definitely times when it's not so great to be special and known by everybody — you know, when you're wearing the wrong thing, or just in a vulnerable place. But I'm good with my life now."

"There are two thoughts that will ensure success in all you do; (1) Don't tell everything you know, and (2) until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass."

"If you aren’t in the moment, you are either looking forward to uncertainty, or back to pain and regret."

"I like people. They're entertaining. I just may laugh at different things than most people. I laugh at mistakes. I laugh at how you recover from mistakes."

"I think we're past the time in history where you have to come out and say, "you know I'm just happy all the time! I'm a joker, I'm a crazy man!" you know kind of thing. I think people understand I can turn that switch on but I'm also a sensitive, normal human being with feelings and I know how to express those too."

"Comedic actors can be looked at as a lower form because we have to put ourselves in a lower place than most of the audience. I think lofty emotions are somehow considered more special. The best stories in the world to me are the ones that elicit a real emotion, but have humour."

"Now fear is going to be a player in your life, but you get to decide how much. You can spend your whole life imagining ghosts, worrying about the pathway to the future, but all there will ever be is what’s happening here and the decisions we make in this moment, which are based on either love or fear. So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality. What we really want seems impossibly out of reach and ridiculous to expect, so we never dare to ask the universe for it. I’m saying I’m the proof that you can ask the universe for it — please! ... My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that was possible for him, and so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant, and when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job, and our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love."

"I've learned many great leasson from my father. Not the least of which was that you can fail at what you dont want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love."

"We have to say yes to socialism — to the word and everything [...] Medicare for all, ending student debt, a different approach to the war on terror, ending mass incarceration."

"Everything should be considered. That's all. I think that's all people want. All people want is to be considered."

"Untold American lives have been ruined by the presidency of Donald Trump. The rule of law is imperiled, our unity has been shattered, the service sector has been obliterated, and major cities are suffering. Black Americans, who have endured half a millennium of wickedness and brutality, now face more injustice and death."

"Imagine if you could actually be that happy? That would be powerful, man. People would be tunneling under the street to avoid you. They'd go "Oh, man — is that happy guy still out there?"

"Madness is never that far away. It's as close as saying yes to the wrong impulse. The people who stay sane are the people who can make those quick decisions: "Should I stick my fingers into the fan, or leave the room right now? "Should I run the blade of this razor across my tongue, or just finish shaving and move away from the sink?" But you don't because luckily most of us have that little voice inside our head that says, "Uh uh uh, turning the car into oncoming traffic...is counterproductive!""

"I think nine times out of ten the worst impulses we get are when we're behind the wheel of a car. That's why I don't think its such a good idea to have a gun … in the glove compartment. Cause chances are, if it's there, sooner or later, you're gonna use it — 'course, then again, what are you gonna do when someone cuts you off on the freeway? Just let them go? Yeah — you pretty much have to shoot them, y'know, otherwise they won't learn nothin'."

"Communication, hardest thing in the world. Y'know, I can look at you guys, I can communicate to you all night, but, one-on-one, I'm terrible. It's just, there's certain things about communicating that really bother me. Like whenever I meet somebody new I say, "Hi! How are you!" Most of the time when people hear that they'll say, "Good! And yourself?", or "Fine! Thank you very much!" But sometimes they like to surprise you, "I've got no dream, man! I'm all dead inside!""

"I wish I could do some really weird stuff for you guys, you know?"

"(Parodying Informer by Snow)"

"You can criticise me all the way to the bank"

"My singles' number one and Shabba don't rank"

"You are a bastard. Hi @JimCarrey do you know the history of #RosaPark?"