"Monday... Escape with their lives from New York... Tuesday... Impersonate F.B.I. agents in Chicago... Wednesday... Steal plane in New Mexico... Thursday... Almost kill each other by accident... Friday... Almost kill each other on purpose..."

"Taking The Midnight Run Is A Hell Of A Way To Make A Living"

"This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

"Robert De Niro has to get the FBI off his case, the mob off his trail, and Charles Grodin off his back!"

"A tough bounty hunter. A sensitive criminal."

"Let me tell you two stupid motherfuckers something. I don't want to get another phone call like this because if I do I'm gonna get on a fucking plane and I'm going to blowtorch the both of you. You understand?"

"So I'm finally in the presence of greatness, huh? The Duke. The guy that steals money from the scum of the earth and gives it to the unfortunates of the world. I wanted to meet you face-to-face. Did you actually think you were gonna steal my money and get away with it? I stopped by here to tell you two things. Number one is that you're gonna die tonight. Number two, I'm gonna go home, have a nice hot meal, I'm gonna find your wife, and I'm gonna kill her too."

"Sidney, siddown, relax, have a sandwich, drink a glass of milk, do some fuckin' thing."

"Don't say a word to me, Sidney, don't say a fucking word to me. I'll get up and I'll bury this telephone in your head."

"Is this moron #1? Put moron #2 on the phone."

"[after Mosely takes his cigarettes for the second time] Why don't you quit? It'd be cheaper for both of us."

"Jack, nothing personal, but fuck off."

"You have two emotions, silence and rage."

"...A-re-ah-der-chee to you too... and some mozzerella and fettichinni... Hell yea!"

"Dennis Rodman - himself, cameo"

"My food is created to nourish the soul, okay? I haven't used pork since Thelma was on Good Times about to marry Ibe, the African prince and I said, "No, no, no, I'm waiting on my African prince to be my baby's daddy, so I stopped use pork, because I started using chicken broth! So I don't know what you're talking about." See what I cook is much healthier than that *bird* stuff Alfred is cookin' for him!""

"Heavy D - himself, cameo"

"Leon Robinson - himself, cameo"

"Howard Hewett - himself, cameo"

"LL Cool J as himself, cameo"

"Rudy Ray Moore - Nate"

"Faizon Love - Tiger J"

"Bernie Mac - Mr. Johnson"

"A.J. Johnson - James"

"Pierre Edwards - Ali"

"Jonathan Fried - Isaac"

"Luigi Amodeo - Antonio"

"Troy Byer - Tracy Shaw"

"Natalie Desselle-Reid - Tamika “Mickey”"

"Ian Richardson - Mr. Manley"

"Martin Landau - Mr. Donald Blakemore"

"Halle Berry - Denise “Nisi”"

"Richard Pryor - Grover Muldoon"

"Fred Willard - Jerry Jarvis"

"Richard Kiel - Reace"

"Scatman Crothers - Ralston"

"Lucille Benson - Rita Babtree"

"Valerie Curtin - Plain Jane"

"Len Birman - Chief Donaldson"

"Stefan Gierasch - Prof. Schreiner & Johnson"

"Ray Walston - Mr. Edgar Whiney"

"Clifton James - Sheriff Oliver Chauncey"

"Ned Beatty - Bob Sweet"

"Patrick McGoohan - Roger Devereau"

"Jill Clayburgh - Hilly Burns"

"Gene Wilder - George Caldwell"