"[narrating] Okay, what's the first thing that pops into your head when I say Chip n' Dale? I'm willing to bet it's Thomas Chippendale, the London-based cabinet maker from the 1700s. Sick cabinet, Thomas! But I bet the second thing that pops into your head are these guys. [image of chip and dale dancers are shown] But certainly, third would be those rascally cartoon chipmunks, Chip 'n Dale, or should I say Chip and me? And it all started the day we met, when I had to join (us information) a new school in the middle of third grade."

"Looks like I just took us from outside the club to the V.I.P. room."

"Oh, Chipper, they Dumbo'd me."

"Huh. At least that's gone."

"Remember that animation style where everything looked real but nothing looked right?"

"Pooj, the Fat Honey Bear? Ugh."

"You look different."

"Come over to try and help Monty, ambush me, talking about a reboot, think they can squeeze a dollar out of essentially nothing. He's the one that quit the show in the first place. I've been fine without it. It's garbage. Total garbage. That's why it's better to not even have friends."

"You know, the morning I met you when we were just kids at the cafeteria... I never told you this, but I begged my mom to let me stay home from school because I didn't have any friends. I was so scared and alone. And I was lost. Just like you, Dale. And I needed you more than you needed me. All these years, I... I let you feel like you were second banana because I wanted to feel like first banana. I was nothing without you. So that night when… In the trailer when… when you told me about Double-0 Dale, I... I just should have told you that. I shouldn't have treated you that way. I'm sorry, Dale."

"Honey, someone's doing a cool pose in the driveway."

"[to Baloo] Wow! Yo, man, it's you!"

"Chris Parnell — Dave Bollinari"

"To many more seasons of the Rescue Rangers."

"Life is the worst. Which is why you need good insurance. Look, I'm not gonna put on the hard sell, but in my experience, bad things happen all the time. They happen without warning. Sometimes from the last place you'd expect it, and you're left to pick up the pieces. So, you have to protect yourself. If you're prepared for the worst, the worst isn't so bad. So, why risk it? It's my job to pull the wool off your eyes... figuratively."

"Kiki Layne — Ellie Steckler"

"Eric Bana — Monterey Jack"

"Will Arnett — Sweet Pete"

"Flula Borg — DJ Herzogenaurach"

"Tress MacNeille — Gadget"

"Dennis Haysbert — Zipper"

"Andy Samberg — Dale"

"Keegan-Michael Key — Bjornson the Cheesemonger / Frog Co-Worker"

"Jeff Glen Bennett — Lumiere"

"A message on my landline. I don't like that."

"[first line] Time is a funny thing. When I was a kid the days lasted forever, but the years... Well, they went by so fast. Before you know it, you are all grown up. It even happened to me."

"Once you grow up, you can never go back."

"Yeah, I guess sometimes you just... you grow up… and... grow apart."

"Hey, my old… [straining] What did you do?!"

"[as he is being chased by baby ninjas] Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!"

"Jimmy Kimmel — Grandpa (Ted Sr.)"

"James McGrath — Wizzie"

"Lisa Kudrow — Grandma (Janice)"

"Jeff Goldblum — Dr. Armstrong"

"Ariana Greenblatt — Tabitha"

"Eva Longoria — Carol"

"Alec Baldwin — Boss Baby (Ted Jr.)"

"Playtime is over."

"James Marsden — Tim"

"[sees a phone] Oh, sweet! He who findeth keepeth. [clears throat]"

"I even had parents. Mine were child psychologists who made me part of an experiment. [Ted, Jr.: Really?] They expose me to ten thousand hours of Mozart, language lessons, and public radio. [TJ: I hate public radio.] It was at that point, I realized I was smarter than my parents, and with my first step, I ran away from home. Why? They pushed me around. I got told what to do all the time, but a single word changed my life - "No"."

"We may be small, but we are about to teach grown-ups a big lesson."

"[in Tim is nightmare] Oh, he broke my arm!"

"Nathan Pickles: You will be singing a different tune at rehearsal. The wrong tune."

"Amy Sedaris — Tina"

"You shall not pass!"

"Time's up!"

"Georgo: I like glue. Glue is good."

"Creepy Girl: [repeated line] I like ponies."

"I love casual Fridays."

"[to Tabitha] Sweetheart, I cried, then I went blank."