"Bob Hope: [finding some coins tied with string in Jack's trousers] When you ask this kid for a loan, and he says his money is tied up, he isn't kidding. This is an obstacle course for pickpockets."

"Bob: Welcome to the Lucky Strike Program. In just a few minutes, you'll see our star, Gypsy Rose Benny."

"Jack: [poking his head through the stage curtains] Bob, will you please give me my pants back?"

"Bob Hope: Put your head back through there, or I'll start handing out baseballs to the audience."

"Don Wilson: [Poking his head through the curtains] Bob, Bob, quick, give me Jack's pants!"

"Bob Hope: Why do you want Jack's pants?"

"Don Wilson: Because I had to give him mine."

"Hope: You mean, Jack's actually wearing your pants?"

"Jack: [out of shot] Darn right I am."

"Bob: This is rather strange for me, I'm on the major network. [mouths ABC]"

"Bob: [about Bing Crosby] He's up in Nevada looking over Boulder Dam - his piggy bank is filled. He's so loaded, you know, he uses Howard Hughes for a bell boy."

"Jack: These last 2 miles were rugged, weren't they?"

"Clyde: I knew as soon as we got off the freeway, we'd run into trouble."

"Jack: It's really dangerous, here in the jungle."

"Clyde: You're telling me. What about those first three nights, we had to light fires to keep the animals away."

"Jack: Yeah, then we ran out of water. For three weeks we couldn't even take a bath."

"Jack: [Pointing to the tiger] He must have gone to a veterinarian in Denmark."

"Clyde: I wondered why he had his hand on his hip when I shot him."

"Jack: What kind of tiger is that - Siberian or Bengal?"

"Clyde: General Electric."

"Jack: I'm scared, I'm frightened."

"'Clyde:' Frightened. Why, you yellow-belly. Do you want to live forever?"

"Jack: No, I just want to reach 40."

"Clyde: Oh, we're not going to make that trip again, oh no."

"Jack: [pointing a pistol at Bob's trousers] I'm going to blow your brains out."

"Bob Hope: Let's not do any jokes we didn't plan on, eh."

"For a man who was the undisputed master of comedy timing, you'd have to say that this was the only time when Jack Benny's timing was all wrong. He left us much too soon. He was stingy to the end. He only gave us eighty years and it wasn't enough."

"Throughout Jack's violin solo at the Hollywood Bowl, the audience was glued to their seats. That was the only way he could get them to sit down."

"I want to be the condensation on the glass. I want to be that phenomenon that takes place between hot and cold."

"He’s like Gérard Depardieu, another strong, physical man who can break your heart with sensitivity. He has this creepiness, but a sympathetic attractiveness, too."

"Your children don't have to fear you to respect you."

"The oddest thing is when children recognize me from Free Willy and their parents recognize me from Reservoir Dogs. The kids are, like, 'There's Glen!' and the parents are, like, 'Don't go near that guy!'"

"Well, one thing for sure, I won't be remembered for Free Willy. Or maybe I will."

"Kids are a great excuse for you to stop acting like one."

"Encourage your kids' artistic side. Toughen up everything else."

"I encourage my boys to do stuff in the arts, but I'm also an advocate of not taking any shit, I have a heavy bag and every morning the boys go three 3-minute rounds on the heavy bag with the gloves."

"I'm a leading man trapped inside a bad guy's body."

"Is it really selling out if it feeds your family?"

"I for one welcome being replaced."

"I think it tells the truth and it cuts to the heart of so many profound aspects of human experience unlike many musicals, which cover more frivolous topics."

"I do prefer men. I’ve always been very open about that. I don’t really care anymore about labels, per se, but I think it’s interesting to talk about the whole spectrum of the experiences. I think for some people, when they think that public figures say something like what I said, they’re trying to obfuscate or hide. I wasn’t trying to do that — I was trying to have an open conversation about the nature of sexuality, and that there’s a fluidity to it to some degree in some cases. I’ve always liked the word “queer,” because it’s an umbrella word that covers all of it. I also like the fact that “queer” was reclaimed from being an epithet to being a word that’s empowering."

"Charlie McCarthy: I can't take this schoolwork any more - it's driving me nuts. Edgar Bergen: Well Charlie, I'm sorry, but hard work never killed anyone. Charlie McCarthy: Still, there's no use in taking chances."

"Everything I am came from my parents. I don't take that much credit for who I am and what I am."

"I always sang at temple growing up. I got a good reaction from Mrs. Goldberg and Mrs. Rosenbaum and the other old ladies."

"No one is going to beat the crap out of me more than me."

"If we can't keep our Palestinian neighbors and Muslim neighbors alive with good water and fresh air, we'll never get them to the peace table."

"I'd have sex with a number of the Muppets. I just don't talk about it publicly. It's private. Although a hint is, that there was a character in Elmo in Grouchland who was called "My Lady" and that's all I'll say."