"Sometimes I wish I could be a lesbian, you know? Like, I have spent my whole life chasing men, like they're gonna come in and fix all my problems. They're men. I mean, think about it. There are no girl rapists or serial killers... except for that chick they made a movie about, but that doesn't count, 'cause she looked like a dude."

"Ray Liotta – Jay Moratta"

"Laura Dern – Nora Fanshaw"

"Azhy Robertson – Henry Barber"

"Alan Alda – Bert Spitz"

"Frank: Charlie, what you're going through now is going to be horrible, but it will be over. Fuck as many people as you can right now. Women, men. Take what I said seriously."

"Sandra: Even though I am 64 and have a dead gay husband, I manage to get up every day, live my life, and feel pretty good about myself."

"Scarlett Johansson – Nicole Barber"

"And keep in mind, you'll have to pay for her lawyer. [...] Well, at least part of her. It doesn't make sense, does it? I mean, you're doing this because you love your kid. And in doing so, you're draining money from your kid's education."

"Ted: Criminal lawyers see bad people at their best, divorce lawyers see good people at their worst."

"- Nancy Katz"

"- Charlie Barber"

"I never really came alive for myself; I was only feeding his aliveness."

"Joseph Gordon-Levitt – Detective Hardrock"

"[Reading Nicole's letter to Henry] I fell in love with him two seconds after I saw him. And I'll never stop loving him, even though it doesn't make sense anymore."

"People don't accept mothers who drink too much wine and yell at their child and call him an asshole. I get it. I do it too. We can accept an imperfect dad. Let's face it, the idea of a good father was only invented like 30 years ago. Before that, fathers were expected to be silent and absent and unreliable and selfish, and can all say we want them to be different. But on some basic level, we accept them. We love them for their fallibilities, but people absolutely don't accept those same failings in mothers. We don't accept it structurally and we don't accept it spiritually. Because the basis of our Judeo-Christian whatever is Mary, Mother of Jesus, and she's perfect. She's a virgin who gives birth, unwaveringly supports her child and holds his dead body when he's gone. And the dad isn't there. He didn't even do the fuckin'. God is in heaven. God is the father and God didn't show up. So, you have to be perfect, and Charlie can be a fuck up and it doesn't matter. You will always be held to a different, higher standard. And it's fucked up, but that is the way it is."

"Marlene Forte – Mrs. Cabrera"

"Mark O'Brien – Carter Mitchum"

"Christopher Plummer – Harlan Thrombey"

"Getting divorced with a kid is one of the hardest things to do. It's like a death without a body."

"M. Emmet Walsh – Mr. Proofroc"

"- Mary Ann"

"K Callan – Wanetta "Great Nana" Thrombey"

"I want you to know that eventually this'll all be over, and whatever we win or lose, it'll be the two of you having to figure this out together."

"Noah Segan – Trooper Wagner"

"Toni Collette – Joni Thrombey"

"Lakeith Stanfield – Detective Lieutenant Elliot"

"Katherine Langford – Megan "Meg" Thrombey"

"Don Johnson – Richard Drysdale"

"Ana de Armas – Marta Cabrera"

"Jamie Lee Curtis – Linda Drysdale"

"Jaeden Martell – Jacob Thrombey"

"Michael Shannon – Walter "Walt" Thrombey"

"Hell, any of them could have done it."

"Nothing brings a family together like murder."

"(questioned about Jacob) He's an alt-right dipstick troll."

"Everyone has a motive. No one has a clue."

"Daniel Craig – Benoit Blanc"

"OK, don't answer that if you're going to puke. Please."

"Chris Evans – Hugh Ransom Drysdale"

"Frank Oz – Alan Stevens"

"Oh just shut up! Shut up with that Kentucky-fried Foghorn Leghorn drawl!"

"I'm not playing to beat you, I'm playing to build a beautiful pattern."

"You want my insight into this family? None of them are murderers. That's my insight."

"You and Harlan were "drama mamas", you shared a love of twisting the knife into one another. You see, I don't believe he would have slipped it in halfway. No, no, no. I submit Harlan told you everything."

"Why is grief the providence of youth? I don't know. But I'd imagine that age deepens all feelings."

"The best judge of character is a dog. I've found that to be true."

"What were the overheard words by the Nazi child masturbatin' in the bathroom? "My will" and "I'm warning you.""

"We are the Thrombeys, goddammit! This is still our house!...Isn't it?"

"Physical evidence can tell a clear story with a forked tongue."