"And that's the story of how one magical wish forever changed the lives of three, very special friends. Ted and Tami-Lynn continued their torrid love affair for quite sometime. One afternoon, Ted was caught behind the Deli counter eating potato salad off of Tami-Lynn's bare bottom. He was instantly promoted to Store Manager. Sam Jones moved back to Hollywood, with a goal of restarting his film career. He currently resides in Burbank, where he shares a studio apartment with his roommate, Brandon Routh. Remember Brandon Routh from that god-awful Superman movie? Jesus Christ! Thanks for getting our hopes up and taking a giant shit on us! Rex was forced to give up his pursuit of Lori. Not long afterward, he fell into a deep depression, and died of Lou Gehrig's Disease. Donny was arrested by Boston Police in charge with kidnapping a plush toy. The charges were dropped when everyone realized how completely stupid that sounded. Robert got a trainer, lost a substantial amount of weight, and went on to become Taylor Lautner."

"No matter how big a splash you make in this world whether you're Corey Feldman, Frankie Muniz, Justin Bieber, or a talking teddy bear, eventually, nobody gives a shit."

"Now if there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that nothing is more powerful than a young boy's wish. Except an Apache helicopter. An Apache helicopter has machine guns and missiles. It is an unbelievably impressive complement of weaponry, an absolute death machine."

"Merry Christmas, Everybody!"

"Stick your finger in the loop of my tag!"

"Oh, come on! I do not sound that much like Peter Griffin!"

"Anthony Ruivivar - McCrady"

"Nick Gomez - Dale Walters"

"Garret Dillahunt - Jesse Goldhar"

"Tracie Thoms - Beatrix"

"Xu Qing - Old Joe's Wife"

"Pierce Gagnon - Cid Harrington"

"Jeff Daniels - Abe"

"Piper Perabo - Suzie"

"Noah Segan - Kid Blue"

"Paul Dano - Seth Richards"

"Emily Blunt - Sara Rollins"

"Bruce Willis - Older (55-year old) Joe Simmons"

"Joseph Gordon-Levitt - Young (25-year old) Joe Simmons"

"Face your future. Fight your past."

"Hunted by your future. Haunted by your past."

"Kid Blue: [Waving his gun] Know why they call that peashooter of yours a blunderbuss? Because it's impossible to hit anything farther than 15 yards. Impossible to miss anything closer. It's a gun for fuck-up turkeys."

"I'm from the future. You should go to China."

"Joe! Guess I put the gun in that kid's hand, huh? I guess everything comes back around. [under his breath] Like your goddamn ties."

"Ask yourself: who would I sacrifice for what's mine?"

"A man from the future runs free long enough, you know, this time travel shit just fries your brain like an egg."

"[to Young Joe] I don't want to talk about time travel because if we start talking about it then we're going to be here all day talking about it, making diagrams with straws."

"[voiceover] Then I saw it. I saw a mom who would die for her son; a man who would kill for his wife; a boy, angry and alone, laid out in front of him the bad path. I saw it. And the path was a circle, round and round. So I changed it. [kills self]"

"[to Older Joe] This is my life now. I earned it. You had yours already. So why don't you do what old men do and die?"

"[voiceover, describing Abe] This man is from the future. He was sent back here by the mob, a one-way ticket, to run the Loopers. That's low effort, even for Abe. So to pass the time, he recruited some real muscle, the Gat Men, and now he runs the city. Any other city, that'd be impressive."

"[voiceover] There's a reason we're called Loopers. When we sign up for this job, taking out the future's garbage, we also agree to a very specific proviso. Time travel in the future is so illegal that when our employers want to close our contracts, they'll also want to erase any trace of their relationship with us ever existing. So if we're still alive thirty years from now, they'll find our older self, zap him back to us, and we'll kill him like any other job. This is called "closing your loop." You get a golden payday, a handshake, and you get released from your contract. Enjoy the next thirty years. This job doesn't tend to attract the most forward-thinking people."

"[voiceover] Time travel has not yet been invented. But thirty years from now, it will have been. It will be instantly outlawed, used only in secret by only the largest criminal organizations. It's nearly impossible to dispose of a body in the future... I'm told. Tagging techniques, whatnot. So when these criminal organizations in the future need someone gone, they use specialized assassins in our present called "Loopers." And so, my employers in the future nab the target, they zap him back to me - their Looper. He appears, hands tied and head sacked, and I do the necessaries. Collect my silver. So the target has vanished from the future, and I've just disposed of a body that technically does not exist. Clean."

"Donnie Keshawarz - Donaldson"

"Terence Stamp - Thompson"

"Michael Kelly - Charlie Traynor"

"John Slattery - Richardson"