"[after the car is driven into the pool] Wow. I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to fix any of this shit. I'm sorry Thomas. I just wanted to get some pussy."

"[on video] What up my lovely females? This is your boy Costa, your host for the evening. Behind me is Thomas Kub's house. Today is Thomas Kub's birthday, [grabs crotch] and this is Project X, yo."

"[about the "Naked Girls Only" sign by the pool] The next time your pool guy comes by for a clean, he's gonna say, "Excuse me Mr. Kub, but I think I may have found some water in your semen.""

"Jimmy Kimmel - Himself"

"Jillian Reynolds - Herself"

"Peter MacKenzie - Thomas's Dad"

"Caitlin Dulany - Thomas's Mom"

"Rob Evors - Rob, Thomas's neighbor"

"Rick Shapiro - T-Rick"

"Martin Klebba - Angry Little Person"

"Miles Teller - Miles"

"Alexis Knapp - Alexis"

"Dax Flame - Dax"

"Kirby Bliss Blanton - Kirby"

"Jonathan Daniel Brown - J.B."

"Oliver Cooper - Costa."

"Comedy evolves. We long ago bid adieu to the physical acrobatics of Buster Keaton, the wisecracks of Bob Hope, the witty repartee of Cary Grant and Irene Dunne. The now-reigning comedy of embarrassment, seen in the films of Judd Apatow and the Farrelly Brothers and all the loss-of-virginity farces, seems particularly appealing to younger viewers, who can relate to the awkward silences of crushes, being stuck with someone who is clearly physically undesirable, or being oneself the nerdy companion of some repulsed hottie, that power imbalance being the kernel of the jest — though by the final credits, said nerd usually ends up with said hottie. Lena Dunham’s work is related to this mainstream comedy of embarrassment, but she takes it one bold step further, producing a much more subtle and sophisticated comedy of chagrin. And in Dunham’s world, there is no happy ending, only an enlightened realism."

"Mike S. Ryan - Homeless Man"

"Isen Ritchie - Jacob"

"Garland Hunter - Noelle"

"Amy Seimetz - Ashlynn"

"Merritt Wever - Frankie"

"David Call - Keith"

"Alex Karpovsky - Jed"

"Jemima Kirke - Charlotte"

"Grace Dunham - Nadine"

"Laurie Simmons - Siri"

"Lena Dunham - Aura"

"Aura would like you to know that she is having a very, very hard time."

"Poetry's a very stupid thing to be good at. I mean, poems are basically like dreams — something that everybody likes to tell other people... but nobody actually cares about when it's not their own. Which is why poetry's a failure of an intellectual community."

"Back off, Susan Boyle!"

"Ted Danson (uncredited) - himself"

"Robert Wu - Wan Ming/Ming the Merciless"

"Mike Henry - a Southern newscaster"

"Tom Skerritt - himself"

"Norah Jones - herself"

"Ryan Reynolds (uncredited) - Jared"

"Sam J. Jones - himself"

"Jessica Stroup - Tracy"