"Did you know that an ant has more intelligence than a hippopotamus? And that a grasshopper, in relation to his size, has more power in his hind legs than a kangaroo. Absolutely, fascinating! There's no doubt about it, animals are much more interesting than people."

"[singing] Well, it's true We do not live in a zoo But Man is an animal too. So why can't you, like me Like animals?"

"[about learning goldfish] These fish languages, they really only work underwater. It's fascinating! The basic system is mouth movements and bubbles signals. At the moment, I can only make big bubbles and they keep on telling me I'm shouting."

"We'll play a little game I invented. One of us opens the atlas at random, sticks a pin in the open page, wherever it lands, that's where we go."

"[throwing flour at General Kuhster] I don't care! I don't care! You're banished! I'm getting an new tucker-inner. Banished, banished, banished!"

"George Macready - General Kuhster"

"Ross Martin - Baron Von Stuppe"

"Larry Storch - Texas Jack"

"Dorothy Provine - Lilly Olay"

"Peter Falk - Maximillian 'Max' Meen"

"Natalie Wood - Maggie DuBois"

"Tony Curtis - Leslie 'The Great Leslie' Gallant III"

"Jack Lemmon - Professor Fate/Crown Prince Frederick Hapnick"

"The movie with 20,000-mile or one-million-laughs guarantee!"

"THE GREAT LAUGH SHOW OF ALL TIME!"

"Women have to emancipate themselves in order to emancipate men. So they can emancipate each other where it counts the most."

"You mean amazing because I'm a woman."

"I speak, read, and write French... Russian... and Arabic."

"[to Maggie DuBois] You talk a good fight, but when it comes down to it, you're as emancipated as a confirmed spinster in a knitting bee."

"[after throwing a pie at General Kuhster] You! You're the cause of it all! It was your idea!"

"[after getting a pie in the face] Ulp? Brandy? Hah-hah, throw more brandy! Throw brandy! More Brandy! [gets a second pie in the face] Rum! I never mix my pies. I want to play, too."

"Fate:Push the button, Max!"

"[to Leslie, after Leslie allows him to win the race due to him proving his love for Maggie Dubois rather than beating him] I hate you! You, I hate! You, whose clothes are always white, and whose hair is always combed, and whose car is always clean! I refuse to accept! I challenge you to another race!"

"Thieves, brigands and cut-throats of all nations may hound us... but we are ready for them... we shall blast them into Kingdom Come."

"[the men of the Sheriff of Boracho wearing indian hats are approaching them from behind believing they are going to attack him] Smokescreen Max! Give them the smokescreen! No, you idiot! The smokescreen! Push the button, Max!"

"[to Maggie, after Maggie accidentally destroy his garage while confronting the dogs] A pox on you!"

"Push the button, Max! [on numerous occasions.]"

"[after crash landing into a mud puddle in the farm during a stunt] Well, there's another one, Leslie can try on for size."

"[covered in feathers after crashing during a stunt] I'd like to see the Great Leslie try THAT one!""

"A band of men left for dead in a flaming sea and their epic heroism and survival!"

"SIR, I must confess I was greatly puzzled and less than amused by the Lolita New York premiere story printed in The Observer (June 17). Michael Davie, who is not a film critic, nevertheless saw fit to write a film review of Lolita four months before the film was to be Press-shown in Britain for its September première. Aside from the professional ethics involved here, his piece was viciously flippant and rude at the expense of Mr. Nabokov, Mr. Mason, Miss Winters, Mr. Sellers, Miss Lyon and myself. An anonymous spectator was quoted as saying, "Well, anyway, no one can say look what they did to Nabokov, the poor slob. The poor slob did it to himself." I suppose it is fortunate that Mr. Nabokov was blissfully unaware of his new status as a poor slob when he said to me after the premiere, "This is a great film. Sue Lyon is marvellous; she is Lolita. There are even some things in it I wish were in the book." Mr. Davie also wrote, "In life Sue Lyon is said to be 16, In the film. she looks older. Mason, in lite, is in his fifties. He, on the other hand. looks younger. At tunes, they look the same age. At one point, she looks older than him." I shall leave it to your readers to ponder that bit of witty prose. In fact. Sue was 14 years and 4 months when we began shooting and 14 years and 9 months when we finished. Lolita was 12 years and 8 months when Humbert met her and 17 years plus at the end of the noveL Humbert was 39 when he met Lolita."

"Well, she had to be between 12 and 13 at the beginning, but between 16 and 17 at the end—I mean one girl who could play both parts—and we did look at quite a few young girls, some of them very young indeed. It was amazing how many parents would write in, you know, from Montana and so on, saying: "My daughter really is Lolita!"—that sort of thing. But we looked at them all, and of course, Sue Lyon was just one of them—but the moment we saw her, we through 'My God, if this girl can act—because she had this wonderful, enigmatic, but alive quality of mystery, but was still very expressive. Everything she did, commonplace things, like handling objects or crossing a room, or just talking, were all done in a very engaging way...and, incidentally this is a quality which most great actors have, it's a strange sort of personal unique style that goes into everything they do—like when Albert Finney sits down in a chair and drinks a bottle of beer, and, well, it's just great and you think "God, I wish I could drink a bottle of beer like that," or the way Marlon, you know, pushes his sun-glasses on his forehead and just leaves them there instead of putting them in his pocket...and, well, they all have ways of doing everyday things that are interesting to watch. And she had this, Sue Lyon—but of course, we still didn't know whether she could act. Then we did some scenes, and finally shot a test with Mason, and that was it—she was great."

"Diana Decker - Jean Farlow"

"Jerry Stovin - John Farlow"

"Gary Cockrell - Richard T. 'Dick' Schiller"

"Peter Sellers - Clare Quilty/Dr. Zempf"

"Sue Lyon - Dolores 'Lolita' Haze/Mrs. Richard Schiller"

"Shelley Winters - Charlotte Haze/Humbert"

"James Mason - Prof. Humbert Humbert"

"Dick Schiller: An opportunity for a guy like me to get in on the ground floor where industry's opening up. And if we can scrape together enough money with, with maybe your help, well, we can go. We got a few back debts. We kinda over-extended ourselves. She's sure a swell kid, Professor Haze. She sure is, she's just nuts about dogs and kids. She's gonna make a swell mother too."

"Clare Quilty: [on the phone] Hello. Is this Professor Humbert?...How are you Professor?...I was just wondering if you've been enjoying your stay in our lovely little town...It doesn't matter what my name is. It's really obscure - an unremarkable name....my department, you see, is sorta concerned with the bizarre rumors that have been circulating about you and that lovely, remarkable girl you've been traveling around with...with all this traveling around you do, you don't get much time to see a psychiatrist regularly, is that right?...You are classified in our files, professor, you are classified in our files as a white widowed male. I wonder if you'd be prepared to give our investigator a report, Professor, on your, uh, current sex life, if any...!"

"Miss Lebone: [to Humbert] Well I think I ought to tell you that the neighbors are beginning to get a little curious about you and your little girl...You know how people talk."

"Jean Farlow: [to Humbert] Try to think of your poor little Lolita, all alone in the world. You must live for her sake."

"Jean Farlow: [about Charlotte] She was a wonderful person, Humbert. She was always so gay, wasn't she, John?"