I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue

"Tony Hawks: "Ferrero Rocher - They're the dogs' bollocks!""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter! - It's not butter!""

"Caroline Quentin: "Amazon - Cos tax doesn't need to be taxing.""

"Barry Cryer: "Tesco ready meals - Horses for courses!""

"John Finnemore: "Hull Trains - Oh, doesn't every city have its own trains? Oh, I'm sorry. We do.""

"Barry Cryer: Wetherspoons - When you just have to get pissed at 7.00am.""

"Tony Hawks: "Waitrose - Two for the price of five.""

"Tony Hawks: "Instagram - Cos you don't read good.""

"Marcus Brigstocke: "Ground control to Major Tom...""

"Tony Hawks: "It ain't no big thing...""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "He touched all of us in so many different ways...""

"John Finnemore: "Yellow Pages - In case the internet stops existing.""

"Barry Cryer: "The Noise Abatement Society - ...""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Andrex - Shit happens.""

"John Finnemore: "Ryanair - You knew what you were getting into!""

"Miles Jupp: "Disneyland - Because if you don't take them, they will never shut up!""

"Miles Jupp: "McDonald's - We have toilets!""

"John Finnemore: "Prosecco - For those special occasions that aren't that special.""

"Jack Dee: "A dreadful habit of young Mart's was lighting his and others' farts...""

"Jack Dee: "Young James thought it would be a lark, to ride upon a great white shark...""

"Barry Cryer: "The Milk Marketing Board - A glass of milk... in every glass.""

"Jack Dee: "A wicked habit of young Bill's, was rifling through his father's pills...""

"Jack Dee: "A stubborn boy whose name was Norm, flew his kite in a lightning storm...""

"Jack Dee: "Without permission, stupid Jake went skating on a frozen lake...""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Southern or Northern Rail - We're not happy 'til you're not happy.""

"Barry Cryer: "Durex - In your wallet for years.""

"Jack Dee: "With stick in hand, naughty Denise approached a peaceful swarm of bees...""

"Jack Dee: "Despite the warnings, naughty Sue would feed the monkeys in the zoo...""

"Jack Dee: "Daisy Pugh and husband Gus, spiced up their sex life on the bus...""

"Jack Dee: "'I think I shall try six', said Fred, 'electric blankets on my bed'...""

"Jack Dee: "The infant Mike had such bad genes, he lived on top shelf magazines...""

"Jack Dee: "'Do not put', his mum told Ted, 'that plastic bag upon your head'...""

"Jack Dee: "Poor Mrs. Wilhelmina Binns was knackered giving birth to quins...""

"Jack Dee: "A naughty little lad called Dave would hide inside the microwave...""

"Jack Dee: "In spite of warnings, little Stu would taunt the lions in the zoo...""

"Jack Dee: "Young Nigel earned a stern reproof for doing cartwheels on the roof...""

"Jack Dee: "Though often warned, a boy called Rex still tampered with electric flex...""

"Jack Dee: "Belinda made her parents vexed for all she ever did was text...""

"Jack Dee: "One day a small girl called Sophia climbed right inside the tumble dryer...""

"Jack Dee: "'I see dead people!' claimed young Cole, which made his mother drop her bowl...""

"Jack Dee: "Despite the warnings, naughty Mya climbed right inside the tumble dryer...""

"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Vodafone - Mos...ubbish...obile...hone...cept...in...country.""

"Pippa Evans: "On ITV at eight o'clock, mystery guests sing songs while wearing elaborate masks, before a celebrity jury attempts to guess which is the least attractive. That's The Masked Minger at eight o'clock.""

"Rory Bremner: "Later on Radio 4, a new series in which Kirsty Lang travels to each region of the UK in an attempt to find the country's finest sperm bank. That's Round Britain Jizz, this Friday at 11.30.""

"Tony Hawks: "Next on ITV a new game show, giving contestants a chance to win an any of an amazing selection of panty liners. That's The Sale of the Sanitary, next.""

"Tony Hawks: "Coming up next on BBC One, the crime drama set on a well-known Scottish archipelago, now sadly polluted by sewage discharge. That's Shitland, tonight at nine.""

"Miles Jupp: "Coming up this evening, Ben Fogle takes his fossil hammer to Dorset's Jurassic coast on a hunt for the perfect ammonite. That's Cracking One Out with Ben Fogle, later this evening.""

"Stephen Fry: "Meanwhile on BBC One, Charlie Dimmock takes command of a squad of Coldstream Guards as they completely returf an entire rugby pitch in time for their crunch match against the Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders. That's Sod This for a Game of Soldiers.""

"Gary Delaney: "Coming up next, it's the crossover you never knew you needed - Ocean's Eleven meets Radio 4, but controversy strikes as the charismatic lead is replaced by Jack Dee in I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clooney.""

"Gary Delaney: "Coming up next, Chris Hemsworth is back in the Marvel crossover that's also a sequel to Frozen - Thaw.""