"They were...sort of gods, he supposed. They had names like Olk-Kalath the Soul Sucker, but, frankly, the overlap between demons and gods was a bit uncertain at the best of times. (p. 68)"

"“Oh, Mighty One,” he began, always a safe beginning and the religious equivalent of “To Whom It May Concern.” (p. 68)"

"There was color, in a sense, but it was the kind of color you'd get if you could shine a beam of black through a prism. (p. 215)"

"Time and space were, from Death's point of view, merely things that he'd heard described. When it came to Death, they ticked the box marked Not Applicable. It might help to think of the universe as a rubber sheet, or perhaps not. (p. 217)"

"“This is all very well, but the form of things is important!” snapped a priest. “We can’t all pray at once! You know the gods don’t like ecumenicalism! And what form of words will we use, pray?” “I would have felt that a short non-controversial—” Hughnon Ridcully paused. In front of him were priests forbidden by holy edict from eating broccoli, priests who required unmarried girls to cover their ears lest they inflame the passions of other men, and priests who worshipped a small shortbread-and-raisin biscuit. Nothing was non-controversial. (p. 63)"

"Rincewind stared at the badge. He’d never had one before. Well, that was technically a lie...he’d had one that said ‘Hello, I Am 5 Today!’, which was just about the worst possible present to get when you are six. (p. 69)"

"A sense of familiarity was creeping up on Susan, but surreptitiously, dodging behind things whenever she tried to concentrate on it. (p. 215)"

"Intelligent robbers would have started to count up the incongruities here. These, however, were the other kind, the kind for whom evolution was invented. (p. 41)"

"“I don’t think I’ve become old,” said Boy Willie. “Not your actual old. Just more aware of where the next lavatory is.” (p. 46)"

"If anyone was thinking about making a mistake, you know, like maybe sending the guards down here tomorrow, tipping the old man out of his hovel, chuckin' him in prison, anything like that...werrlll...that's the kind of mistake he ought to treasure on account of it being the last mistake he'll ever make. A word to the wise men, right? (p. 207)"

"It occurred to him that when you’d had everything, all that was left was nothing. (p. 70)"

"Charity ain't giving people what you wants to give, it's giving people what they need to get. (p. 207)"

"What good's a god who gives you everything you want?"

"The wizards were good at wind, weather being a matter not of force but of lepidoptery. As Archchancellor Ridcully said, you just had to know where the damn butterflies were. (p. 50)"

"“Amazin’, what songs do for the ladies,” said Caleb. “About...flowers and that. Romance.” “Well, when I was a lad,” said Truckle, “if you wanted to get a girl’s int’rest, you had to cut off your worst enemy’s wossname and present it to her.” “Whut” “I SAID YOU HAD TO CUT OFF YOUR WORST ENEMY’S WOSSNAME AND PRESENT IT TO HER!” “Aye, romance is a wonderful thing,” said Mad Hamish. “What’d you do if you didn’t have a worst enemy?” said Boy Willie. “You try and cut off anyone’s wossname,” said Truckle, “and you’ve soon got a worst enemy.” (p. 26)"

"I have no use for people who have learned the limits of the possible. (p. 31)"

"There are those who believe knowledge is something that is acquired—a precious ore hacked, as it were, from the gray strata of ignorance."

"It was amazing how many people spent their whole lives in places where they never intended to stay. (p. 199)"

"Their eyes said that wherever it was, they had been there. Whatever it was, they had done it, sometimes more than once. But they would never, ever, buy the T-shirt. And they did know the meaning of the word ‘fear’. It was something that happened to other people. (p. 25)"

"This man was so absent-mindedly clever that he could paint pictures that didn’t just follow you around the room but went home with you and did the washing-up. (p. 37)"

"It was a sore point. Like most people with no grasp whatsoever of real economics, Mustrum Ridcully equated "proper financial control" with the counting of paper clips. Even senior wizards had to produce a pencil stub to him before they were allowed a new one out of the locked cupboard below his desk. (p. 181)"

""I can't help it if my family had money," said the Dean, and that might have defused things a bit had he not added, "and standards." (p. 229)"

"If you told humans what the future held, it wouldn’t. (p. 355)"

"More of the ambassadors from other countries had arrived at the university, and more heads of the Guilds were pouring in, and every single one of them wanted to be involved in the decision-making process without necessarily going through the intelligence-using process first. (p. 38)"

"“Is it just me,” said the minstrel, “or are we missing something here?” “Like what?” demanded Cohen. “Well, these scrolls all tell you how to get to the mountain, a perilous trek that no one has ever survived?” “Yes? So?” “So...um...who wrote the scrolls?” (p. 80)"

"—what's this Anthropomorphic Personification, then?"

"It was so easy to slip into immortality, to ride the horse, to know everything. And every time you did, it brought closer the day when you could never get off and never forget."

"Susan was very strict about eating in class and took the view that, if there were rules, then they applied to everyone, even her. Otherwise they were merely tyranny. But rules were there to make you think before you broke them. (p. 355)"

"“It makes you wonder if there is anything to astrology after all.” “Oh, there is,” said Susan. “Delusion, wishful thinking, and gullibility.” (p. 321)"

"“So he’s saving the world and destroying it, all at once?” “Family trait,” said Wen. “It is what Time does at every instant.” (p. 323)"

"While evidence says that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, they're probably all on first steps. (p. 160)"

"That's ridiculous, boy!" said the Dean. "Idiocy is not a communicable disease."

"Fear, anger, envy...emotions bring you to life, which is a brief period just before you die. (p. 312)"

"“What will you do?” said Susan. “Lie,” said Lu-Tze happily. “It’s amazing how often that works.” (p. 335)"

"The path to wisdom does, in fact, begin with a single step."

"“One of life’s little certainties,” said Susan, standing on the edge of the museum’s parapet, “is that there is generally a last chocolate hidden in all those empty wrappers.” (p. 284)"

"He reached into his pack for the battered copy of the Way, and opened it at random. Koan ninety-seven: “Do unto otters as you would have them do unto you.” Hmm. No real help there. Besides, he’d occasionally been unsure that he’d written that one down properly, although it certain had worked. He’d always left aquatic mammals well alone, and they had done the same to him. He tried again. Koan one hundred and twenty-four: “It’s amazing what you see if you keep your eyes open.” (p. 287)"

"I remember my father tellin' me some valuable advice about drinks," said Ridcully. "He said, 'Son, never drink any drink with a paper umbrella in it, never drink any drink with a humorous name, and never drink any drink that changes color when the last ingredient goes in. And never, ever, do this—'"

"There is no doubt that being human is incredibly difficult and cannot be mastered in one lifetime. (p. 337)"

"Right now, the light at the end of his mental tunnel showed only more tunnel. (p. 152)"

"Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time. (p. 172)"

"“What chocolate do we have left?” “We’re down to the nougat now,” said Unity. “And I believe nougat is a terrible thing to cover with chocolate, where it can ambush the unsuspecting.” (p. 310)"

"Seeing things a human shouldn’t have to see makes us human. (p. 274)"

"“Let’s all keep our parts to ourselves,” and suddenly she gave Susan a wink, “as the High Priest said to the actress.” (p. 274)"

"said the Hogfather."

""Willow bark," said the Bursar."

"It was a lie. But he wasn’t ready for the truth. By the look of his face, he wasn’t even ready for the lie. (p. 273)"

"“You’re giving me a stern look, miss.” “Well, yes. It was rather a chilly decision, wasn’t it?” “Someone has to make ’em,” said Mrs. Ogg sharply. “Besides, I’ve been around for some time and I’ve noticed that them as has it in them to shine will shine through six layers of muck, whereas those who ain’t shiny won’t shine however much you buff ’em. You may think otherwise, but it was me standing there.” (p. 279)"

"So mistletoe, in fact, symbolizes mistletoe?"