"The Horde could calculate the peculiar mathematics of heroism quite quickly. There was, there always was, at the start and finish...the Code. They lived by the Code. You followed the Code, and you became part of the Code for those who followed you. The Code was it. Without the Code, you weren’t a hero. You were just a thug in a loincloth. (p. 143)"

"“It’d take a miracle!” “There’s always hope.” “So? There’s always taxes, too. It doesn’t make any difference.” (p. 145)"

"Experience had taught him never to say things like "I don't like it, it's too quiet." There was no such thing as too quiet. (p. 312)"

"The man had a point. The man had a whole sword. (p. 362)"

"“Anyway,” Cohen went on, “it dunt matter if someone kills the gods. It does matter that someone tried. Next time, someone’ll try harder.” (p. 141)"

"“You gave me wings when you showed me birds,” said Leonard of Quirm. “I just made what I saw.” The rest of the gods said nothing. Like many professionally religious people—and they were pretty professional, being gods—they tended towards unease in the presence of the unashamedly spiritual. (p. 146)"

"And Susan was bright enough to know that the phrase "Someone ought to do something" was not, by itself, a helpful one. People who used it never added the rider "and that someone is me." But someone ought to do something, and right now the whole pool of someones consisted of her, and no one else. (p. 85)"

"On the veldt of Howondaland live the N’tuitif people, the only tribe in the world to have no imagination whatsoever. For example, their story about the thunder runs something like this: “Thunder is a loud noise in the sky, resulting from the disturbance of the air masses by the passage of lightning.” And their legend “How the Giraffe Got His Long Neck” runs: “In the old days the ancestors of Old Man Giraffe had slightly longer necks than other grassland creatures, and the access to the high leaves was so advantageous that it was mostly long-necked giraffes that survived, passing on the long neck in their blood just as a man might inherit his grandfather’s spear. Some say, however, that it is all a lot more complicated and this explanation only applies to the shorter neck of the okapi. And so it is.” The N’tuitif are a peaceful people, and have been hunted almost to extinction by neighbouring tribes, who have lots of imagination, and therefore plenty of gods, superstitions and ideas about how much better life would be if they had a bigger hunting ground. Of the events on the moon that day, the N’tuitif said: “The moon was brightly lit and from it rose another light which then split into three lights and faded. We do not know why this happened. It was just a thing.” They were then wiped out by a nearby tribe who knew that the lights had been a signal from the god Ukli to expand the hunting ground a bit more. However, they were soon defeated entirely by a tribe who knew that the lights were their ancestors, who lived in the moon, and who were urging them to kill all non-believers in the goddess Glipzo. Three years later they in turn were killed by a rock falling from the sky, as a result of a star exploding a billion years ago. What goes around, comes around. If not examined too closely, it passes for justice. (pp. 129-130)"

"“Are you, er, are you much of a religious man yourself?” said Rincewind as clouds whipped by the window. “I believe all religions do reflect some aspect of an eternal truth, yes,” said Carrot. “Good wheeze,” said Rincewind. “You might just get away with it.” “And you?” said Carrot. “We-ll...you know that religion that thinks that whirling round in circles is a form of prayer?” “Oh, yes. The Hurtling Whirlers of Klatch.” “Mine is like that, only we go more in...straight lines. Yes. That’s it. Speed is a sacrament.” “You believe it gives you some sort of eternal life?” “Not eternal, as such. More...well, just more, really. More life. That is,” Rincewind added, “more life than you would have if you did not go very fast in a straight line. Although curving lines are acceptable in broken country.” Carrot sighed. “You’re just a coward really, aren’t you?” “Yes, but I’ve never understood what’s wrong with the idea. It takes guts to run away, you know. Lots of people would be as cowardly as me if they were brave enough.” (p. 136)"

"There was a cat-flap in the door."

"“Tell me,” said Blind Io. “Is there a god of policemen?” “No, sir,” said Carrot. “Coppers would be far too suspicious of anyone calling themselves a god of policemen to believe in one.” “But you are a gods-fearing man?” “What I’ve seen of them certainly frightens the life out of me. sir. And my commander always says, when we go about our business in the city, that when you look at the state of mankind you are forced to accept the reality of the gods.” The gods smiled their approval of this, which was indeed an accurate quotation. Gods have little use for irony. (p. 147)"

"The night is always old. He'd walked too often down dark streets in the secret hours and felt the night stretching away, and known in his blood that while days and kings and empires come and go, the night is always the same age, always aeons deep. Terrors unfolded in the velvet shadows and while the nature of the talons may change, the nature of the beast does not. (p. 294)"

"Somewhere out there was the Ankh-Morpork army, what there was of it. And somewhere waiting was the Klatchian army. And thousands of men who might have quite liked one another had they met socially would thunder toward one another and start killing, and after that first rush you had all the excuses you needed to do it again and again… (pp. 362-363)"

"That’s what prayers are...it’s frightened people trying to make friends with the bully! (p. 140)"

"“Is it just me,” said the minstrel, “or are we missing something here?” “Like what?” demanded Cohen. “Well, these scrolls all tell you how to get to the mountain, a perilous trek that no one has ever survived?” “Yes? So?” “So...um...who wrote the scrolls?” (p. 80)"

"“Oh,” said Rincewind. “You understand?” said Ponder. “No. I was just hoping that if I didn’t say anything you’d stop trying to explain things to me.” (p. 90)"

""It's all done by magic, Archchancellor," he said, giving up."

"Vimes prodded at it as politely as he dared, and then took the usual view that, if you can recognize at least half of it, it's probably okay to eat the rest. (pp. 285-286)"

"It occurred to him that when you’d had everything, all that was left was nothing. (p. 70)"

"“Mission motto, sir,” said Carrot cheerfully. “Morituri Nolumus Mori. Rincewind suggested it.” “I imagine he did,” said Lord Vetinari, observing the wizard coldly. “And would you care to give us a colloquial translation, Mr. Rincewind?” “Er...” Rincewind hesitated, but there really was no escape. “Er...roughly speaking, it means, ‘We who are about to die don’t want to’, sir.” (p. 91)"

"I'm not a natural killer! See this? See what it says? I'm supposed to keep the peace, I am! If I kill people to do it, I'm reading the wrong manual! (p. 367)"

"And then everyone was just running, because everyone else was running. (p. 436)"

"“Some people say you achieve immortality through your children,” said the minstrel. “Yeah?” said Cohen. “Name one of your great-granddads, then.” (p. 110)"

"No one remembers the singer. The song remains. (p. 160)"

"The old woman was a regular in Biers for the company and was quite gaga, and one of the symptoms of those going completely yo-yo was that they broke out in chronic cats. (p. 89)"

"As they say, ‘If you would seek war, prepare for war.'"

"Rincewind stared at the badge. He’d never had one before. Well, that was technically a lie...he’d had one that said ‘Hello, I Am 5 Today!’, which was just about the worst possible present to get when you are six. (p. 69)"

"Intelligent robbers would have started to count up the incongruities here. These, however, were the other kind, the kind for whom evolution was invented. (p. 41)"

"“I don’t think I’ve become old,” said Boy Willie. “Not your actual old. Just more aware of where the next lavatory is.” (p. 46)"

"They do what they're told, they tend to believe the last thing they heard, they're not bright enough to ask questions, and they have that certain unshakeable loyalty available to those unencumbered by too much intelligence."

"Angua stopped. Of course, to the unpracticed eye all Klatchians looked alike, but then to a werewolf all humans looked alike: they looked appetizing. (p. 255)"

"More of the ambassadors from other countries had arrived at the university, and more heads of the Guilds were pouring in, and every single one of them wanted to be involved in the decision-making process without necessarily going through the intelligence-using process first. (p. 38)"

"The wizards were good at wind, weather being a matter not of force but of lepidoptery. As Archchancellor Ridcully said, you just had to know where the damn butterflies were. (p. 50)"

"This one's mental."

"“Amazin’, what songs do for the ladies,” said Caleb. “About...flowers and that. Romance.” “Well, when I was a lad,” said Truckle, “if you wanted to get a girl’s int’rest, you had to cut off your worst enemy’s wossname and present it to her.” “Whut” “I SAID YOU HAD TO CUT OFF YOUR WORST ENEMY’S WOSSNAME AND PRESENT IT TO HER!” “Aye, romance is a wonderful thing,” said Mad Hamish. “What’d you do if you didn’t have a worst enemy?” said Boy Willie. “You try and cut off anyone’s wossname,” said Truckle, “and you’ve soon got a worst enemy.” (p. 26)"

"I have no use for people who have learned the limits of the possible. (p. 31)"

"Some things are fairly obvious when it's a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them. (p. 47)"

"“This is all very well, but the form of things is important!” snapped a priest. “We can’t all pray at once! You know the gods don’t like ecumenicalism! And what form of words will we use, pray?” “I would have felt that a short non-controversial—” Hughnon Ridcully paused. In front of him were priests forbidden by holy edict from eating broccoli, priests who required unmarried girls to cover their ears lest they inflame the passions of other men, and priests who worshipped a small shortbread-and-raisin biscuit. Nothing was non-controversial. (p. 63)"

"Was the Hogfather a god? Why not? thought Susan. There were sacrifices, after all. All that sherry and pork pie. And he made commandments and rewarded the good and he knew what you were doing. If you believed, nice things happened to you. Sometimes you found him in a grotto, and sometimes he was up there in the sky... (pp. 125-126)"

""Fortune favors the brave, sir," said Carrot cheerfully."

"This man was so absent-mindedly clever that he could paint pictures that didn’t just follow you around the room but went home with you and did the washing-up. (p. 37)"

"Everyone has a conditional clause in their life, some little unspoken addition to the rules like, “Except when I really need to,” or “Unless no one is looking,” or, indeed, “Unless the first one was nougat.” (p. 339)"

"If you told humans what the future held, it wouldn’t. (p. 355)"

"I thought you said people see what they expect to see."

"Rage overtook Susan's curiosity. It had to travel quite fast. (p. 81)"

"There is no doubt that being human is incredibly difficult and cannot be mastered in one lifetime. (p. 337)"

"Susan was very strict about eating in class and took the view that, if there were rules, then they applied to everyone, even her. Otherwise they were merely tyranny. But rules were there to make you think before you broke them. (p. 355)"

""Look at it this way, then," she said, and took a deep mental breath. "Wherever people are obtuse and absurd...and wherever they have, by even the most generous standards, the attention span of a small chicken in a hurricane and the investigative ability of a one-legged cockroach...and wherever people are inanely credulous, pathetically attached to the certainties of the nursery and, in general, have as much grasp of the realities of the physical universe as an oyster has of mountaineering...yes, Twyla: there is a Hogfather. (pp. 25-26)"

"So, Constable Visit, there's a god on our side, is there?"

"“So he’s saving the world and destroying it, all at once?” “Family trait,” said Wen. “It is what Time does at every instant.” (p. 323)"