"The vice premier was known to be such a pussy hound that he could not be left alone in a room with a woman."

"[voice-over] Finally the time had come to deliver my daughter to the vice pussy-grabber."

"[as his daughter is riding on the roof] Only men and bears are allowed inside car."

"Since I did not have money to buy a gun I went to the nearest synagogue to wait for the next mass shooting."

"[entering the CPAC, dressed in a KKK-robe] I'm Stephen Miller. Sorry I'm late."

"[Being escorted out of CPAC] If you release me, I'll give you my klan robes!"

"We use my iPhone 4's hotspot and steal password from assholes Uzbekistan."

"This is the worst story that ever happened to any human being... or Jew."

"[Back in his village] Jak sie masz! Kazakhstan now feminist nation, like US&A and Saudi Arabia. Bride exports declare…"

"[working in a gulag] Jak sie masz? My name-a Borat. My life is nice, NOT! But how I end up like this?"