"The vice premier was known to be such a pussy hound that he could not be left alone in a room with a woman."

"[voice-over] Finally the time had come to deliver my daughter to the vice pussy-grabber."

"[as his daughter is riding on the roof] Only men and bears are allowed inside car."

"Since I did not have money to buy a gun I went to the nearest synagogue to wait for the next mass shooting."

"[entering the CPAC, dressed in a KKK-robe] I'm Stephen Miller. Sorry I'm late."

"[Being escorted out of CPAC] If you release me, I'll give you my klan robes!"

"We use my iPhone 4's hotspot and steal password from assholes Uzbekistan."

"[Back in his village] Jak sie masz! Kazakhstan now feminist nation, like US&A and Saudi Arabia. Bride exports declare…"

"My daddy is the smartest person in the whole flat world!"

"[working in a gulag] Jak sie masz? My name-a Borat. My life is nice, NOT! But how I end up like this?"