Independent Films

"[to Barb, while on the phone] I'll stick my tongue up your pretty pussy!"

"Let me lick ya, you pretty piggy cunt!"

"Agnes, It's me Billy! Don't tell them what we did!"

"Filthy Billy, I know what you did nasty Billy!"

"I didn't send my daughter in here to be drinking and picking up the boys."

"I think the little bugger's schnockered, son of a bitch."

"Oh, why don't you go find a wall socket and stick your tongue in it? That'll give you a charge."

"[upon seeing that Mrs. MacHenry is coming inside the house] Speaking of professional virgins - here we have the queen of vaudeville herself!"

"[on phone] You're a real gold-plated whore, mother, you know that?"

"[singing as she packs her suitcase] Alligators come through the gate, but goodbye leg if ya get away late! Lollies love to pop!"

"These broads would hump the Leaning Tower of Pisa if they could get up there!"

"Ron Nelson – William"

"Bucky Searles – Humpty Dupty"

"Kristine DeBell – Alice"

"The world's favorite bedtime story."

"An X-Rated Musical Comedy."

"[to Alice] May my rod and staff comfort thee."

"We don't have any towels. We had one once, but it was stolen by a hotel."

"Larry Gelman – The White Rabbit"

"Oh my goodness... Are you all right?... I thought I'd broken it."

"Well if it feels good, there's a good chance it must be bad."

"J. P. Paradine – Judge/Scrugg"

"Alan Novak – Mad Hatter"

"Tom Waits - Zack"

"And now I have falled in love, at last. I have finded my new home. She has asked to me if I stay here, to live together with her forever and ever. Like in a book for children."

"Very strange mother, my mother."

"I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream."

"If looks can kill, I am a-dead now."

"When I get outta here, there's gonna be a white limousine. It's gonna come, pick me up. It's gonna be a Lincoln. I'm gonna step inside. And inside is bigger than you can possibly imagine it from the outside. And there's gonna be beautiful girls in there. Four of 'em and they're all gonna be naked. One of 'em's gonna offer me some coke. Won't let you say no. And I'm just gonna be enjoyin' the luxury of the car and the girls. The door is gonna close. It's just gonna go click. And there's gonna be music playin'. It's like, music I never heard before. And then the car's gonna start up and it's gonna drive slowly towards the sea. Very slowly. It's gonna be beautiful."

"Joy N. Houck, Jr. - Detective Mandino"

"L.C. Drane - L.C."

"Timothea - Julie"

"Vernel Bagneris - Preston"

"Rockets Redglare - Gig"

"Billie Neal - Bobbie"

"Ellen Barkin - Laurette"

"Nicoletta Braschi - Nicoletta"

"John Lurie - Jack"

"Roberto Benigni - Roberto (Bob)"

"[to Lisa] Do you understand life?! Do you?!"

"Phillip Haldiman - Denny"

"Carolyn Minnott - Claudette"

"Robyn Paris - Michelle"

"Julliette Danielle - Lisa"

"Greg Sestero - Mark"

"Tommy Wiseau - Johnny"

"...Are you ready to see reflections of your life?"

"Can you really trust anyone?"

"Chris R: Five minutes?! You want five (bleep) minutes, Denny?! You know what? [pulls out gun] I haven't got FIVE FUCKIN' MINUTES!? [Mark: Silence!]"

"Steven: I feel like I'm sitting on an atomic bomb waiting for it to go off!"