"In the traditional male hero’s hierarchy of needs, self-actualization is nowhere to be found—because the more he values himself, the less he is willing to sacrifice himself."

"The traditional male hero is about self-sacrifice, not self-actualization."

"The motto for the evolved boy is “When the going gets tough, tune in to know when to tough it out.”"

"When your son participates in individual sports, plus both organized and pick-up team sports, he will be experiencing sports as a boy-friendly liberal art."

"Pick-up sports are excellent preparation for entrepreneurship."

"Exercise helps build the muscle of a child’s brain even more effectively than studying."

"While your son’s internal security is most likely to be enhanced by the hands-on involvement of both parents, even one conscious parent can lead the way."

"We interview people who are extraordinary successes, so they are visible. We ignore people who create a balanced life, so they are invisible."

"A key measure of emotional intelligence is knowing that every virtue taken to its extreme becomes a vice."

"Boys who are not interested in school almost always have an interest that can be catalyzed into future employment if it is pursued via hands-on experience."

"Should your son follow his bliss, it’s most likely the money he’ll miss."

"Women who have the option of being economically self-sustaining will increasingly want your son to also have emotional and relationship intelligence."

"Valuing either sex less is unacceptable"

"The more survival is at stake, the more we say, “Sorry, it’s a girl.” The more luxury we feel, the more we can say, “Sorry, it’s a boy.”"

"Emma Bovary had everything, and therefore nothing."

"And without love, your son’s purpose has no purpose."

"Nick was experiencing the father’s catch-22: loving his family by being away from the love of his family."

"The women who were best able to grow spiritually and psychologically had married men who were the least able to grow."

"Many of the qualities your son develops to kill in war—or be a hero at work—undermine the qualities it takes to love at home."

"These are the social bribes that, if your son absorbs them before the point where he is old enough and mature enough to understand their purpose, can make your son a slave to the safety of others with little regard for the safety of himself."

"The pay of the volunteer fireman? Praise. Respect. Purpose."

"In The Deadliest Catch, the death the men face is the source of entertainment, but not of concern."

"Your son learns the “hero paradox”: to value himself by not valuing himself."

"Preparing his son to be a football hero was Jack’s dad’s unconscious way of preparing Jack for manhood by preparing him to sacrifice his body in exchange for the social bribes of being praised and valued."

"The word hero derives from the root *ser-, from which we also get the word “servant”."

"Had John attended to his first son, Julian, the way he attended to Sean, we would never have heard of John Lennon."

"The women’s movement warned every girl how marriage can seduce her to make a sacrifice of her career. But no one warned every boy how marriage can seduce him to make a sacrifice in his career"

"If Don Draper ended up at Esalen in a state of introspection about what it means to be a man, maybe that’s where he should start."

"The Japanese boys’ unconscious wisdom is: their dad as winner is really their dad as loser."

"Your son’s heroes didn’t climb traditional ladders—they built their own."

"Your son may simultaneously feel that the male role is pressuring him to feel obligated to earn money someone else spends while he dies sooner."

"Whether or not we know our dad, we have a relationship with him. The relationship in our mind is our relationship."

"“My Father’s Glint Was His Career—He Always Did Just What He Wanted.”"

"Fatherhood was about your dad trading in the old glint in his eye—what he loved to do—for the new glint in his eye: his love for you."

"The road to high pay is a toll road."

"If he followed his bliss, it’s the money you’d miss."

"Whether we call it ikigai or sense of purpose, when we pursue what we believe gives life meaning, it gives us life."

"The more a boy represses his feelings and puts armor around his heart, the harder it is to open our hearts to him."

"To win wars, we had to train our sons to be disposable. We honored boys if they died so we could live. We called them heroes."

"Sensitivity to the death and suffering of boys and men is in competition with our survival instinct."

"The rate of increase in male suicide in India is growing at more than nine times that of female suicide."

"Suicide now takes “more lives than war, murder, and natural disasters combined, stealing more than 36 million years of healthy life” around the world."

"Boys’ IQs have dropped about 15 points since the 1980s."

"Worldwide, boys are 50 percent more likely than girls to fail to meet basic proficiency in any of the three core subjects of reading, math, and science."

"Since empathy and emotional intelligence can be taught, and these skills are key to preparing our sons for the professions that will be in the greatest demand, we need to integrate this curriculum into our schools in the formative years."

"Both bullies and the bullied have three things in common: both come from negative family, school, and community environments; both have low self-esteem; and both have poor social skills."

"When both sexes are offered pay should they assess the feelings of others accurately, the empathy gender gap disappears! The implication? The capacity for empathy and emotional intelligence is latent inside boys and men; we just have to let guys know we’ll value them for focusing on it."

"Here’s why I predict emotional intelligence will be paramount for your son’s future: the more sophisticated artificial intelligence becomes, the more we will yearn for humans to fill the emotional intelligence void."

"Japan has vastly increased its vocational education programs, with 23 percent of Japan’s high school graduates studying at vocational schools. The result: 99.6 percent of Japanese vocational students received jobs upon graduation."

"While boys who are motivated can become many of society’s most constructive forces—becoming inventors and implementers of what they invent (the Amazons, Apples, Facebooks, Microsofts, and Googles)—boys whose energies are poorly channeled can become society’s most destructive forces—our serial killers and prisoners."