"Elwood: [After cutting off a fish's head with a hatchet] How you like me now? Huh? How you like me now, fishy? Oh, yeah, that's right you can't talk, cause you don't have a head and I cut it off!"

"Dennis: [hearing "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me" being sung] The hills have gone gay."

"Seth Green - Dan Mott"

"Dennis and Elwood: [singing] Yes we really want to hurt you. Yes we really want to make you cry. Yes we really want to shoot you. Yes we really want to make you die."

"[After finding Dan, Jerry and Tom in their boxers] Freeze you perverts!"

"[after giving the nearly naked guys clothes] I'd get dressed faster if I were you 'cause I've been alone in this cabin for 30 years."

"[While high on marijuana, after dodging a bullet] Whoa... Matrix."

"[after scaring off Dennis and Elwood] When you peckawoods get your diapers cleaned come back! I'll be waiting!"

"River Guide: [While talking to Jerry, Dan and Tom about renting the canoe] There's a transmitter in the canoe. So just in case you three go missing, at least we'll get our boat back."

"Bonnie Somerville - Denise"

"[Billy's Italian girlfriend rubs herself on his casket] Billy's dead and he still has a better chance of getting laid than I do."

"I've come a long way, baby!"

"Oh, Jesus Christ! Lucifer's a faggot!"

"My achin' swastika! I thought bein' a nazi was all "zig, zig," and "sieg heil!" This is for sh*t! I better get my ass the f*** out of here!"

"Hey, you know the most interesting thing about smoking is that it causes excessive perspiration, and a person has to take off all of their clothes, or they could drown to death in their own juices."

"I've been up and down the four corners of this big old world, and I've seen it all, and I've done it all. I've fought many a good man and laid many a good woman. And I've had riches, fame, and adventure, too. Yes. I've stood eyeball-to-eyeball with death countless times and never, never once squinted. Oh, I've tasted life to the fullest, and still my tortured soul cries out - more! More! Oh, sh*t! Oh, oh, God, can there be any more"

"These girls know where it's at by the time they're 11."

"Who wants to hear about my blowjob from the World War? Yeah... [news anchor voice] "A little Hiroshima on my balls.""

"Let's fucking rage!"

"Hey Samantha, don't take the red pill!"

"Dude, we were just kidding, JP. [mimicking JP's Robot voice] Don't be mad at us!"

"Okay, so who wants to hear about my STD from the silent film era? Yeah, put your hands up for that one. This chick's pussy smelled like the Great Depression."

"Do you have bathrooms here or do I have to shit in a plant?"

"Dude, jerking off on my mom is one thing, but doing your grandmother and her two roommates? That's like, legendary!"

"That's cool...if you wanna be sober and vomit."

"Shirley Jones - Grace"

"What does "high score" mean? "New high score." Is that bad? What does that mean? Did I break it?"

"Let's do it. The levels, I mean, not sex."

"[Mimicking J.P.] My name is JP. I am a robot. I like robots. I have a robot vagina."

"[To JP as he passes by] Hey look, it's Bono's brother!"

"Shirley Knight - Bea"

"Your shit's weak! Shit's weak! Wizzeak!"

"Oh, I started a fight club."

"Wassup, Silver Fox?"

"I have to pee out of my ass."

"Peter Dante - Dante"