"So I was in Boston, I just ended up there. Seemed far enough away. They come to me then, it just happened, you know how that is, things happen and other things happen and it's your life. They were looking to get somebody to go undercover here, they wanted to get somebody who knew the Kitchen who was known. And I coulda said no but I thought I could do it. It was like this opportunity in which I could look the entire thing in the eye. And you'd be gone, or married, forgot about me I thought. And Jack, I would leave him out of it. But it was only an idea. Nothing to do with the truth. It was just a fuckin' idea like... You believe in the angels or the saints or there's such a thing as a state of grace. And you believe it, but it's got nothing to do with reality. It just an idea. I mean you got your ideas and you got reality, and they're all... they're all fucked up."

"Nobody's doin' nothin' to nobody. It's all just happenin', see?"

"Gary Oldman - Jackie Flannery"

"It's a grubby, violent, dangerous world. But it's the only world they know. And they're the only friends Eddie has."

"Robert Mitchum - Eddie "Fingers" Coyle"

"And keep this mind. I've got more than five machine guns, and the rest are gonna be pointed at you."

"No, I don't care to give my name. Stop farting around and give me Foley."

"Can you imagine being a kid like that. What is he, 24 or something. Greatest hockey player in the world. Number four - Bobby Orr. Geez, what a future he's got, uh?"

"The only one fuckin' Eddie Coyle is Eddie Coyle."

"Peter Boyle - Dillon"

"This life's hard man, but it's harder if you're stupid!"

"Richard Jordan - Dave Foley"

"Mitchell Ryan - Waters"

"Joe Santos - Artie Van"

"Steven Keats - Jackie Brown"

"Alex Rocco - Jimmy Scalise"

"Let's face it. Big junkies come from little junkies. We gotta nip this in the bud, Burke!"

"There are a lot of kids and a lot of junkies out there who are counting on me."

"Someone toss me a beach towel because my head is swimming."

"Wasn't that fun in an Awkward Way?"

"BURKE! BURKE, GET BACK HERE!!!"

"Captain Kangaroo, like Jesus, was someone you could really believe in. With those guys, it wasn't about the bells and whistles and the ricketa-racketa; it was all about the work. Especially Jesus."

"Jon Stewart"

"Now I'm not pointing any fingers, Lord knows you start pointing fingers and someone's gonna get poked. And I want you both to know that its not my intention to try and poke either of you."

"You can't change the world but you can make a dent."

"Danny DeVito"

"[singing] Where can you go when skies turn grey? Where the sun always shines and the animals play? Where every day is a happy day? Well, Smoochy's here to show the way!"

"When my brothers and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker."

"Harvey Fierstein"

"[singing] He slams the door, He stomps his feet, He sends me to bed with zilch to eat. But my step-dad's not mean, he's just adjusting."

"[to a baby, after framing Sheldon] Hello, little nipple-nibbler. The rhino's a Nazi!"

"[after getting egged] I've been shot! I'm bleeding! Salmonella! You're a lawyer! That's salmonella!"

"[after being assaulted by Tommy and her henchmen] All right, you spudsucking fucks! I'm suing your Riverdance ass! [heavy Irish accent] I'm gonna send you all the way back home, eh?!"

"You better grow eyes in the back of your fucking head, you horned piece of shit, because I'm not gonna sleep until worms are crawling right up your foamy rubber ass! I'm going on a safari, motherfucker! SAH-FAR-I! [makes an elephant noise]"

"I despise you... I LOATHE YOU!!! Bastard son of Barney! Die! Die, you stuffed ball of fluff! You illegitimate Teletubby! Die, you Muppet from hell! Die, you foam motherfucker! Die! Die!"

"Even when you're squeaky clean, you can still fall in the mud."

"Edward Norton"

"[to Sheldon] Do not start with your magician's tricks, young Moses! I am Pharaoh! And you are my slave...and this is my kingdom! [starts singing to the tune of Old MacDonald Had a Farm] Rainbow Randolph is the man; Yes, oh, yes, he is! He's the king of Rainbowland; Yes, oh, yes, he is! With some fun, fun here and a laugh, laugh there, Here a dance, there a song; everything is fun, fun! Rainbow Randolph is the King [stars to cry] La, la, la, la...[covers his face]"

"[Smoochy holds up a penis-shaped cookie made by Randolph] What are you, blind? It's a cock! It's not a rocket, you dumb fuck! It's a cock! Look. It's a cock and balls! A dick! Chorizo and the huevos! It's a big stiffy! Yeah, it's a penis! Penis maximus! A willie! A weenie! Mr. Jiggle Daddy! The one-eyed wonder weasel! Don't you see that? It's Jimmy and the twins. Rumple Foreskin. He made this. It's made from dil-dough."

"Robin Williams"

"It's the Rhino vs. the Wino... with a little help from the mob"

"The Blackest Comedy on Children's Television!"

"It's a kids show... with gangsters, bribery and corruption!"

"He's Big, He's Blue, He's Smoochy... and He's got to DIE!"

"Buggy Ding Dong I NEVER SAW VENICE! (Screams)"

"KidNet CEO Here at the KidNet Jungle, The rhino, Is Extinct."

"Welcome to the Dark Side of Children's Television"