Donkey Kong

"What am I doing here? I could ask you what you're doing here, all of you! But I know - wrecking my vacation, that's what! First bees, then ants, now you and those overstuffed alligators are the icing on the cake!"

""Troff's a pig, Scoff's a hippo, and both are big, slow, and useless"."

"Ah, the rare flora-dora orchid. And today's the one day a year you bloom for five seconds, when the sun is in exactly... that position. Say cheese! I've only got five seconds. Work with me here. Hey, how come you're still here? The sun should've shifted. Great jumpin' bananas! The sun's not moving! That can't be good..."

"It sounds crazy, but so is everything else that's happened today!"

"I can't believe you're still reading this! What you need is a good trashing!"

"Does anyone ever actually use these memo pages? Waste of paper if you ask me!"

"Tired of me? You're lucky I'm here to brighten up this boring manual!"

"Err... Nope! None of these baddies are in! They must have slipped in the wrong instruction manual or something!"

"Copy?! Who'd want to copy this game?"

"Someone sure has a vivid imagination! I've been everywhere and I can tell you that none of these places actually exist!"

"What's going on here? Dixie should be the damsel in distress, not one of the stars!"

"Look!...look at this!...as I rock, my beard swings! Waste of frames in my opinion!"

"I wouldn't believe a word of this! I've been everywhere and I found only two locations, bad ones at that!"

"Look at the fancy box. Look at the size of this instruction manual. You don't think they would have gone to all this trouble if the game was any good, do you?!"

"Until then, I got a little tip for ya, DK". [DK: "Yeah? What's that?"] "GO HOME AND LET ME GET SOME SLEEP!!"

"Arrrrgh! This story's even worse than DKC! They're really scraping the bottom of the barrel this time!"

"Bah! The lad had a couple of frames in DKC and now he thinks he's a big star!"

"So let's see what nonsense they've made up for this game, shall we? Hmm... well, I have to hand it to them. This time they've managed to come up with a decent storyline that doesn't involve the usual golden bananas. Only joking kids! This one's worse than all the previous efforts put together! I know you probably aren't expecting a best seller, but wait till you hear this load of rubbish..."

""[Diddy is] quick, nimble and courageous but still a bit of a lightweight when compared to my fine physique. He's also got this new-fangled thing he calls a Jetbarrel, but it sounds like nothing more than a lot of hot air to me"."

"Tiny can also shrink in size--although I reckon that one's nothing more than a marketing gimmick and won't even be in the game!"

""Those silly stretchy arms give [Lanky] plenty of potential, but I'm sure he'll be too busy clowning around to be of much use"."

"Just remember that we rightfully expect our expertise to be rewarded, so do collect a good haul of Banana Bunch Coins before you even think about disturbing me, won't you?"

""My powerful potions will give you abilities you've never dreamed of and certainly don't deserve, assuming of course you can afford my modest asking fee. Now don't you go asking me for a potion of gameplay, as even my genius can't rescue this game from its rightful destiny in the bargain bin"."

"I could defeat [K. Rool] single-handedly of course, but then you wouldn't have a game to play would you?"

""I knew they'd have to have something like this. The Kongs will be so weighed down with all the garbage they have to collect, I can't see them getting past the second level. You can view all this silly nonsense and some other stuff I don't understand by pressing START during your game"."

"Now where did they put the level I designed? Hmm... I can't seem to find it. It was called the 'Great Girder Grapple' as I remember. Oooh, I must have spent at least 3 minutes working on it. I even drew them a fancy little picture. Bah! It must have been too good for them. The kids would have refused to play their fancy 3-D levels once they'd gotten a taste of my 2-D girder action! Don't give up hope though; they might have hidden it somewhere like a priceless gem, hoping that no one will ever find it..."

""Elsewhere [in Gloomy Galleon], you'll find a hulking structure that's a bit dim and doesn't work. Yes, I know you already know about Chunky, but this is also true of a eerie lighthouse. Let's see if you can get them both working and be of some use"."

""Tough luck kid. I've been told to keep my mouth shut, as they want to keep all the good stuff for a money-making strategy guide. I'm sure some of it will appear on the newfangled 'internet' thing as well, so I suggest you take a look-see there. You could also ask your friends, assuming of course you've got any. If all else fails, you'll just have to play better"."

""The best switch is the one on top of your N64, as you can turn off your silly 3-D adventure and let me get some sleep"."

"Do you think you two apes can break up your party long enough to fix up my roof?"

"So you've reached the bonus game then, have you? It's not a simple game of questions and answers this time though! Now you've got to beat yours truly if you want to win any prizes!"

"You fraudster! I'm off to consult my lawyers about this!"

""I can't be bothered to tell you any more [about Snide], so you'll have to ask him what he's doing in this game when you meet him"."

"[DK is] the leader of this mangy bunch and tells me that he has learned a whole new bunch of 'mean, reptile-stomping' moves. I doubt whether they will be any better than his old ones, but we shall see, shan't we?"

""Funky stocks the following shooters, all of which can hopefully be upgraded, if you can get that far into the game without falling asleep"."

""[Golden Bananas are] The most precious item in the game, apart from me, of course. You'll need plenty of these to progress through the levels. If you find more than ten, I'll be surprised"."

""Special? Hah! I'd sure like to know what makes these [items] any better than the others; they look just as useless to me. Probably because they're slightly larger and a little shinier, I suppose"."

""Also found in the level lobbies, the information concealed behind these [Wrinkly doors] should be used as a last resort only (or as a first resort if you are a really poor player)"."

""Let me know if you find a bananaport that can take me out of this sorry game, and I'll be there in a flash"."

""Jump in these to be transformed into an animal buddy. I just hope they've included poor old Winky and Expresso this time instead of that bone-brained rhino that always seems to get in the games"."

""All right. If you somehow get back safely from this and bring back that good-for-nothing Donkey with you, I'll admit that maybe you have what it takes after all. But if you don't there will never be more than cheap cameo roles for you in the future, my boy"."

"I've never seen so much worthless rubbish! I'm surprised they don't give you a special 'trash barrel' to haul it all around in!"

"Visit me first and give me all your coins! I'm far more useful than these other sad-looking bums!"

""Why is there not an election to determine the future ruler of Kongo Bongo?" ~Blast Off"

""When ya wanna be there like now, Funky's Flights is the way to go!" ~Funky"

""I'm just one sneaky, peeping, two-bit step away from becoming an even richer richest ape on Kongo Bongo Island - and that's rich". ~Bluster"

""Hey DK! I made your favorite! It's a 3-layer cake! Bananas, bananas, and bananas!" ~Candy"

""Marry me, Candy, and everything that's mine is yours, except for what's in this prenuptial agreement". ~Bluster"

""Too late, lizard lips! The babes went cruisin' with what you're losin' from the second you made the scene!" ~Funky"

""Wait a minute, not so fast! I want to go over that 'richer-poorer' part again with my lawyer!" ~Bluster"