"From what I can see, no matter what system of government we have, there will always be leaders and always be followers. It's like the road out in front of my house. It's on a steep hill. Every day I watch the cars climbing up. Some go lickety-split up that hill on high, some have to shift into second, and some sputter and shake and slip back to the bottom again. Same cars, same gasoline, yet some make it and some don't. And I say the fellas who can make the hill on high should stop once in a while and help those who can't. That's all I'm trying to do with this money. Help the fellas who can't make the hill on high. It's like I'm out in a big boat, and I see one fellow in a rowboat who's tired of rowing and wants a free ride, and another fellow who's drowning. Who would you expect me to rescue? Mr. Cedar - who's just tired of rowing and wants a free ride? Or those men out there who are drowning? Any ten year old child will give you the answer to that."

"[to Babe] You're wasting your time. He doesn't want any lawyers. He's sunk so low he doesn't want help from anybody. You can take a bow for that. As swell a guy as ever hit this town, and you crucified him for a couple of stinking headlines. You've done your bit. Stay out of his way."

"Mr. Deeds, there has been a great deal of damaging testimony against you. Your behavior, to say the least, has been most strange. But in the opinion of the court, you are not only sane, but you're the sanest man that ever walked into this courtroom!"

"When the servant comes in, Mr. Hallor, I'm going to ask him to show you to the door. Many people don't know where it is."

"[after shaking hands with attorney Cedar] Even his hands are oily."

"What puzzles me is why people seem to get so much pleasure out of, out of hurting each other? Why don't they try liking each other once in a while?"

"Gary Cooper - Longfellow Deeds"

"People here are funny. They work so hard at living they forget how to live. Last night, after I left you, I was walking along and - and lookin' at the tall buildings, and I got to thinking about what Thoreau said. 'They created a lot of grand palaces here, but they forgot to create the noblemen to put in them.' I'd rather have Mandrake Falls."

"Jean Arthur - Louise "Babe" Bennett/ Mary Dawson"

"Kevin Dunn as Patrick Muldoon"

"Macaulay Culkin as Billy Muldoon"

"Kieran Culkin as Patrick Muldoon, Jr."

"Milo O'Shea as Doyle"

"[repeated line] Sometimes it's good to be a cop."

"John Candy as Daniel "Danny" Muldoon"

"Maureen O'Hara as Rose Muldoon"

"Ally Sheedy as Theresa Luna"

"Anthony Quinn as Nick Acropolis"

"Jim Belushi as Salvatore "Sal" Buonarte"

"Must have been the collard greens that made me lose control!"

"David Wohl - Phil"

"F. William Parker - Doctor"

"Jeff Daniels - Flap Horton"

"John Lithgow - Sam Burns"

"Paul Menzel - Dr. Maise"

"Shirley MacLaine - Aurora Greenway"

"Debra Winger - Emma Greenway Horton"

"Jack Nicholson - Garrett Breedlove"

"[Lying in the surf after being thrown from the car] If you wanted to get me on my back, all you had to do was ask me."

"[to Flap] Raising three children, working full-time, and chasing women requires a lot more energy than you have. You know, one of the nicest qualities about you has always been that you recognized your weaknesses. Don't lose that quality now just when you need it the most."

"[to Aurora] Momma, that's the first time I stopped hugging first. I like that."

"Danny DeVito - Vernon Dahlart"

"[about Flap] He can't even do the simple things, like fail locally."

"[to Vernon] Don't worship me until I've earned it."

"[to Melanie] Gorgeous isn't everything."

"Tracy Reiner - Michelle"

"Hector Elizondo as Ernie"

"Juliet Mills - Winnie the Housekeeper"

"Sarah Paulson - Heather Tate"

"Linda Thorson - Drew Evanson"

"Joe Flanigan - Jeff Reed"

"Diane Keaton - Elizabeth Tate"