"[first lines] My name's Ralph, and I'm a bad guy. Uh, let's see, I'm 9' tall, I weigh 643 pounds, got a little bit of a temper on me. My passion bubbles very near the surface, I guess—not gonna lie. Anywho, what else? Uh, I'm a wrecker. I wreck things, professionally. I mean, I'm very good at what I do. Probably the best I know. The thing is, fixing is the name of the game. Literally. Fix-It Felix Jr. So yeah, naturally, the guy with the name Fix-It Felix is the good guy. He's nice enough as good guys go. Definitely fixes stuff really well. But, uh, if you got a magic hammer from your father, how hard can it be? If he was a regular contractor, carpenter guy, I guarantee you, he would not be able to fix the damage that I do as quickly. When Felix does a good job, he gets a medal. But are there medals for wrecking stuff really well? To that, I say, "Ha!". And no, there aren't. 30 years, I've been doing this, and I have seen a lot of other games come and go. Kinda sad. Think about those guys at Asteroids? Boom, gone. Centipede? Who knows where that guy is, you know? Look, a steady arcade gig is nothing to sneeze at, I'm very lucky. It's just, I gotta say, it becomes kinda hard to love your job when no one seems to like you for doing it."