"[giving Rosalee some parting advice before her big date] Guard your carnal treasure."

"I told you to guard your carnal treasure! You practically chucked it at him!"

"[to Tad] Like do you know she has six smiles? One when something really makes her laugh. One when she's making plans.…"

"[kisses Rosie] I love you, Rosie. I always have. If I've been a jerk this last week, it's because I've been fighting …"

"Yikes-a-bee."

"I can't go with you Tad, because you don't love me, you maybe want to love me. But I think what you love right now is…"

"You have five smiles, Pete. One when you think someone an idiot. One when you think someone's REALLY an idiot. One wh…"

"I am the boy-next-door... if you live in a dysfunctional neighborhood."

"When great love is rejected, Rosalee, something inside a man dies. So all he can do is run away, where he can meet th…"

"[summing up the "Win a Date" contest] Heaven is just a mouse click away."