"Everybody dies. Sooner or later."

"I'm gonna keep the coke and the fries but I'm gonna send this burger back. And if you put any mayonnaise on it, I'm g…"

"Every red-blooded American knows that the only condiment that you are ever supposed to put on a hamburger is KETCHUP!…"

"The great and powerful Oz."

"Friends do not engage in sexual congress with each other's wives."

"I'm telling you this like a friend because if you screw this up - I would hate to... I would really hate to have to k…"

"You know this whole... sneaking into the house thing, to try to kill me? You guys are really good! You really... heh …"

"Room service? Yes this is room 519. I'm gonna need a bigger bottle of Scotch!"

"Uh... it's room service. Before I vomited I ordered scotch."

"It's not important how many people I've killed. What's important is how I get along with the people who are still alive."