"Don't tell me. My doorman's another one of your admirers."

"Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out…"

"A toast to, uh to Maggie's family and friends. May you find yourselves the bulls-eye of an easy target. May you be pu…"

"You're a cynical, explotive, mean-hearted creep who wouldn't know real love if it bit him in the armpit."

"There is a distinct possibility that I am profoundly and irreversibly screwed up."

"Dear Editor: Greetings from the sticks. Perhaps you believe that a rural education is focused mainly on hog calling a…"

"Julia Roberts - Margaret "Maggie" Carpenter"

"Richard Gere - Homer "Ike" Eisenhower Graham"

"Joan Cusack - Peggy Flemming"

"Héctor Elizondo - Fisher"