"A toast to, uh to Maggie's family and friends. May you find yourselves the bulls-eye of an easy target. May you be publicly flogged for all of your bad choices. And may your noses be rubbed in all of your mistakes."

"There is a distinct possibility that I am profoundly and irreversibly screwed up."

"Joan Cusack - Peggy Flemming"

"Christopher Meloni - Bob Kelly"

"Dear Editor: Greetings from the sticks. Perhaps you believe that a rural education is focused mainly on hog calling and tractor maintenance rather than reading. Why else would you print a piece of fiction about me and call it fact? I suppose Mr.Graham was too busy thinking up slanderous statements about how I dump men for kicks to bother with something silly like accuracy in reporting, which is understandable because with a man-eater like me on the loose, who has time to check facts? That's why I was surprised to find Mr. Graham's editor was a woman. Call me a sentimental fool, but I sort of hoped we man-eaters could stick together. Anyway, I'm just dropping you big-city folk this little note to say that I have thought of a ritual sacrifice that would satisfy my current appetite: Ike Graham's column on a platter. Yours truly, Maggie Carpenter. P.S., I have enclosed a list of the gross factual misinterpretations in your article. There are fifteen."

"Don't tell me. My doorman's another one of your admirers."

"Héctor Elizondo - Fisher"

"Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me."

"Yul Vazquez - Dead Head Gill Chavez"

"Paul Dooley - Walter Carpenter"

"Dermot Mulroney - Simon"

"Cary Elwes - Arnold"

"Lindsay Lohan - Rachel"

"Jane Fonda - Georgia"

"Garrett Hedlund - Harlan"

"Felicity Huffman - Lilly"

"In this family, attitude doesn't skip a generation."

"She gave me oral sex… But we didn't kiss!"

"Some families buckle under pressure...others bloom."

"For a smart girl, you're good at stupid."

"Georgia Rule."

"Life is a whole less surprising when its all planed out."

"Sometimes you have to lose your way to find your family."

"Matthew Walker as Captain Kip Kelly"

"Dear Joseph... is it too late to ask you to accept my hand in marriage?"

"Shea Curry as Brigitte"

"[to wedding guests] I know it was short notice, but... you were all dressed."