"[from trailer] Do I really gotta be the asshole who says we got in this thing and went back in time?"

"[about Blaine] Hey look, it's the douchebag from Karate Kid 3."

"[to Lou] I knew I hated you for a reason! I'm gonna tell everyone in prison I went back in time to kill my own father!"

"[to Jacob, while Lou is shocked that the former does not have ritalin] Don't fuckin' lie to me. Every one of you peop…"

"I wanna fuck something!"

"It's called male bonding, okay? Haven't you even seen Wild Hogs'?"

"God, relax. It's like you've haven't seen a little cum on your friend's face before."

"[pretending to speak Russian] D-d-do svidanya! Do svidanya! Martina Navratilova... "Smirnoff Ice"... Priviet! Na zdor…"

"Outta my way stool"

"Okay, lay down. We got a stupid baby to make."