Hot Tub Time Machine

"[from trailer] Do I really gotta be the asshole who says we got in this thing and went back in time?"

"[about Blaine] Hey look, it's the douchebag from Karate Kid 3."

"[to Lou] I knew I hated you for a reason! I'm gonna tell everyone in prison I went back in time to kill my own father!"

"Outta my way stool"

"[to Jacob, while Lou is shocked that the former does not have ritalin] Don't fuckin' lie to me. Every one of you people have ritalin."

"I wanna fuck something!"

"It's called male bonding, okay? Haven't you even seen Wild Hogs'?"

"God, relax. It's like you've haven't seen a little cum on your friend's face before."

"Okay, lay down. We got a stupid baby to make."

"[trying to disclaim rumors of his impotence] Oh God! I'm gonna cum! Shia Lebeouf! I'm fucking Adam's sister! Dropping loads! So much fucking semen! Little Tiny Jacobs!"

"Here's a question: Was it morally wrong for me to exploit my knowledge of the future for personal financial gain? Perhaps. Here's another question: Do I give a fuck?"

"Why don't you shut your slut mouth and mind your own fucking business?"

"If I wanted to kill myself, I'd fucking kill myself. I'd be awesome at it. A shotgun to the dick."

"[to Lou] You are the patron saint of the totally fucked. You're completely toxic. There's nothing you can't kill. You're the fucking Violator!"

"Maybe what you need isn't in here. Maybe what you need has been in here all along."

"Enrique fuckin' Iglesias!"

"[on being stuck in the 80's] How am I supposed to get a job?"

"It must be some kind of hot tub time machine... [deadpans into camera]"

"[upon seeing their hotel for the first time in years] Muthafucka."

"[pretending to speak Russian] D-d-do svidanya! Do svidanya! Martina Navratilova... "Smirnoff Ice"... Priviet! Na zdorovie!"